Closeted dangers

You all know about the viral attack I had last weekend. May be some of you find it amusing and some find it silly, but nevertheless there is always a friend who empathizes. My friend from the banks of Thames wrote back to me saying that the sale virus always flourished in the Queen’s kingdom. He also said it was time for me to shop for bigger cupboard to accommodate my future viral attacks. I swear if I did any more shopping I would have turned a nervous wreck and attempted suicide.

Now coming back to reality, I needed more space to accommodate my new clothes in the closet. I needed to make room for the new daughter-in-law at home. I had to respect and accommodate the new addition to the family without a hiss and piss. At the same time it was not easy to break my ties with my oldies and form new bonds instantly. Is this a sign of growing old?

Is welcoming a fun job or cleaning a dirty job? Hmmm….

Cleaning can get dusty, musty, and nostalgic, don’t you agree? Some make you sneeze and give you allergies, some make you nostalgic and give you goose bumps, some make you tear and curl. Be it with humans or clothes. Parting is always emotional. Some carried shades of sentiments, threads of love, softness of relationships. Every thread and every fabric had a story to tell. It was difficult for me to decide what to keep and what to let go off!!

The worst part of cleaning was yet to arrive. I segregated them into categories – the perfect fit (a rare occurrence because I never stop growing), the extra large ones (this was like my family, there is always extra room) and tight ones that never took me in (like the love hate relationship with my ex). Why is there such so drama involved in a simple homecoming?

Who doesn’t want to look spiffy, in-style and like a model and at the same time also look cool, relaxed and respectful? It is all about looking good as you age. But the truth is that not everybody ages gracefully and there is always disproportion. Will I ever have to mince my words? Only time will have to say….

I was trying out my new clothes and jogging my memory on what size I wore for my last birthday. I picked up the old ones and there seemed enough room, but I still wanted to try them on and feel extra special and in-shaped before I disposed them.

To my surprise and dismay an inch of flesh, just an inch had come between me and my trouser. I looked on tag inside to check the actual waist size. May be the material had shrunk like my ageing skin? or May be growing older means competition between your age and waist size?

I didn’t have any answer, and I felt dizzy. I held myself together and slowly wriggled out of the cloth like a snake. I stood in front of the mirror for a complete body scan and I couldn’t not explain and understand how that layer appeared. I felt like a helpless leper starring at his disfiguration.

Was it the curse of the mirror or curse from the neglected clothing? or May be the mirror was the villian? I was completely shrouded in sorrow, guilt and disappointment. This means I can’t wear clothes that I once wore to flaunt my body. My world came crashing down.

There I was at the gym trying not to look at myself in the mirror. I knew it was going to require a lot of balls and guts to stand in front of a full size mirror again and acknowledge the extra inch until I lost it again. If I thought self inspection was deprecating I was mistaken. A friend who I haven’t seen in ages turns up at the gym and boorishly and blatantly points out that I have put on weight. I denied, but I didn’t even want to step on the scale to prove he was wrong.

An inch was enough to do a colossal damage to my self esteem. It teased, taunted, and stomped my ego. I felt rattled and had no choice but to accept my disproportion without any choice. Yes.. ageing was proportional to waist size.. out growing is a part of ageing. Ageing was never a fun!

I realized how old friends in your closet can sometimes make you feel miserable. Not all homecoming are fun!

Aadi Virus in Chennai - Retailacious

A slew of bomb attacks left Bangalore and Ahmedabad in a state of panic, while a virulent strain of virus has set its foot on the soils of Tamil Nadu and in particular Chennai. What is happening to the country? Who is responsible? Was this virus home grown or imported? Men, women or children who are more vulnerable to the attack? The city and its citizens are grappling for answers.

Let me use the opening line from the movie “Sex and the City” – “People come to NYC in search of love and labels”. Is it the same virus that pushed people to NYC arrive in Chennai?

Though the virus attack is prevalent throughout the city, the attack in the retail districts of Nungambakkam, T-Nagar and Kilpauk has been severe. People driving by the retail districts say they felt empowered and were eventually overpowered by the virus. The virus has made Chennaizens indulgent, elated, crave for validation and feel drawn towards the retail outlets. Retailers both local and global brands reported that citizens went on a shopping frenzy and cash registers were ringing constantly. The aftermath of the attack is yet to be analyzed, but it left some people guilty, broke and emotionally emaciated. A few reports say the virus is communicable and the outbreak of this virus strain is usually expected in the month of “Aadi” (Jul 15 – Aug 15). The virus was prone to attack women more than single and family men. Retailers were more prepared to take on this virus than customers. Chennai Corporation is yet to analyze the retail virus, the catastrophe of the epidemic and measures taken to contain the virus.

Don’t we all like to play the victim card? Yes, I was an innocent victim of this retail bug. It was Friday, I had a good time at work, and nothing happened that left me and orphan in the emotional dumpster and there was no need to engage in retail therapy, but I did. There is no logical reasoning to all human behaviors and importantly gluttonous impulsive human behavior when it comes to sex and shopping.

Who doesn’t want love and who doesn’t want to look good in labels? I pulled my colleague for a small trip to a few branded sports outlet around the corner from my office. We decided we will go under the detective veil and check out if the retailers are really offering deep discounts. Every outlet in Chennai have this Aadi sale going on and all of them said “Flat 40% off” instead of the usual retail gimmick “upto to 40% off”. I was flattered with this marketing campaign. Five minutes into the trip both of us were convinced that “Adidas” and “Nike” were over priced and they were getting rid of their fashion faux pas from the previous season. Like the beggars who went around in search of free food and shelter, we gravitated towards “Reebok”. I pulled over to the shoulder, basically my thinking lane - will the security guards and sales guys treat me with same respect during the time of sale? I had to remind myself that I was not looking for respect, but for deals, steal deals!

It all started with a pair of socks for 60 Rs. (ofcourse after discount) and this set the stone rolling. I was convinced that this retailer really had a sale and road side Romeos can look like Prince at affordable cost. With “loser” tattooed on my forehead, I didn’t want to lose this opportunity to look good at cheap price. The hormonal rush made me go around the store looking for deals on everything from t-shirts to towels to underwear. I closed my eyes and I imagined myself walking around in branded clothing, it was a powerful visual, it made me feel invigorated, beautiful, and delectable. I went on a retail rage and when I reached the counter the rage caused me a whopping 3000 Rs. What a way to feel empowered, and validated!

The virus not only invaded my wallet and credit limit, but it made me the campaign manager. I instantly SMSed my friends and when I was at the gym that evening I was panting “Reebok” on the treadmill. My therapist usually says a good night sleep will calm the brain storm, but this retail storm didn’t seem to abate any soon. My retail therapy turned neurotic. A colleague came home the following morning and I promptly exhibited my shopping skills like a proud fisherman exhibiting his priceless catch. I was subconsciously selling the brand and the deal to him, should I call this slow poisoning? May be this was a communicable strain of virus?

Is it me or the virus that was turning him green? He didn’t want to feel let out and he decided to keep up with the Joneses. Shopping never featured in his list of activities for the day and here he was suddenly making plans with me to go to the same shop again. Well that is how I was before the virus preyed on me. The virus clutched on to him, converted and manipulated him in minutes.

Well every opportunity missed or used comes with a price tag, but there is no discount on any of them. He didn’t discount my words and we were going around shopping like a proud peacock. What started as planned shopping now became binge shopping and our need was turning in glut. We exited Reebok showroom after his purchase and drove by alley besides the showroom to beat traffic and get back home soon. My friend decided that we must go looking for deals on formal wear and also look at International brands like Louis Philippe and Van Heusen as well. Wow…wow…wow the town was plagued with the virulent virus strain.

We didn’t notice any red lights, and all we noticed was red tags and season sale flyers. In minutes we were in the showroom and I was running around like a kid in the candy store or may be like a beheaded chicken? But I was still sane and consciously not looking at full priced stuff, but asking the salesman for discounted stuff. Every now and then I did a reality check – am I doing the right purchases? Will I look like a prince in this attire? My ego came out of my head and praised my prudence and shopping sensibility. I was in the state of sublimation in a few minutes. The opportunity cost for joint retail therapy totaled up to 10000 Rs on the formal wear and I had 10K on my credit card just from that weekend. The only prevention was to stay at home or cover your eyes and plug your ears while in the retail area.

Anyone who knows a little science will tell you condensation follows sublimation. From a solid man I instantly became a gas pot, without any shape and full of me. Nevertheless, the feeling of high didn’t last long, and by sun down the adrenalin rush abated and the virus had left my body and spirits weak. I never realized that the search for labels would set the love hate relationship in me. Some temptations can be sinful, some can turn emotionally addictive and some can be emotionally draining. This virus was really potent.

My sublimed ego was in fluid state and while I was in savasana that night the Pandora’s Box opened. Questions and more came out and each of them stood in front of me, there was no escape. There verdict was out, I tested positive for bingeing, manipulation, ego validation, and selfish behavior. My treacherous mind that once felt empowered, supreme and validated was now clouded with guilt, shame and felt exposed.

But is there any cure for the virus attack? I couldn’t come up with any answer for this binge behavior. I had never splurged on myself and this was the first time I went berserk. I was not running low on Vitamin C and I was not worried about paying my credit card, I felt spending on myself was sinful. A rich soul suddenly felt poor, naked and remorseful. Going through the mill of emotions, I don’t know if I will enjoy wearing the clothes I purchased this weekend. I felt like a discounted and discredited soul….Aadi was no enjoy maadi L for me. Retailacious turned horrolacious.

Where West meets East…..

Stealing manhole covers is not only a problem in poor nations, but even developed and wealthy nations face the same problem. Has science given a term to people who thieve manhole covers? More importantly most of these manhole covers are made in India and shipped to US. Is it a contagious disease spreading from Indian foundaries to US through manhole covers? May be we must intimate CDC on this epidemic breakout?

It seems like the price economics and poverty that drives people to engage in such crimes. Iron, steel, copper and other alloys have been selling at a premium and people are making a living out of stealing and guarding the manhole covers.

Here is the statistics (Courtesy: NY Times)
1. More than 2,500 covers and grates have disappeared in the past year, up from an annual average of about 100.
2. Thieves can get $5 or $10 for wrought-iron inlet covers, which weigh about 40 pounds and cover curbside drains. The larger manhole covers in the center of the streets weigh about double and triple that and are worth commensurately more.
3. Phoenix has lost more than 160 of its manhole covers and street storm drains this year, up from 10 last year.
4. More than 80 drains and manhole covers have been stolen in Long Beach, Calif., this year and at least two local car owners who drove over the open chambers have filed claims against the city. Starting last year, such thefts in Cleveland, Memphis, Miami and Milwaukee have more than doubled compared with other years, although New York reports no such increase.

Surprisingly in India we have moved away from using Iron manhole covers to concrete and most of them are always open to the sky. The West always has something to learn from the East.

Visit the link below to read the original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/23/us/23manholes.html hp=&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1216814540-QR9dL0Grq6RfoCndhIAc+A

Dasavathram - Inconclusive and offensive

There is a genre of movie not for enjoyment but purely for grey cells and there is a genre of movie that argues between natural phenomenon and science fiction and a genre of movie that argues between theism and atheism, and Dasavathram transgresses and falls under all 3 categories. Is that a plus or a minus? Read more..

Most of us in the world are caught in the world of forms. We define God as omnipresent and omnipotent but we have been conditioned to see him/her (I don’t want to be gender biased) in a small space, or in a small rock. The human mind struggles to see him inside everybody, see him as the universe and at the same time see him at the place of worship. Can we call this the limitation of the conditioned human brain? Can we call this the conflict between the intellects and pseudo intellects? There is always this debate on God or goodness, but which wins in the movie?

Is there existence without co-existence on this earth? Science and religion (are they left and right hemispheres of the brain?) were conjoined twins once upon a time, but today they have been separated yet they share a semblance and a common boundary. Treading on the common boundary must be done with finesse, otherwise we get branded “cat on the wall”. But one needs to transgress and trespass the mental boundary to understand the macrocosm. And director has chosen a brilliant embryo for the movie: the debate between science and religion to find answer for the recent Tsunami. Both of them seem to have a convincing answer. Did the embryo develop into beautiful fetus or was it aborted prematurely?

The movie opens with an aerial shot of Chennai shoreline and then quickly delves into timeline and moves back to 12 century AD, brilliantly portraying the clash of faiths – one between saivites and vaishnavites. This intra-faith clash was worse than the inter-religious clash in Gaza strip today. The world is no different today and it makes you wonder if god was ever a part of goodness?

Rangaramanuja Nambi is chained to the idol of Govindarajan and is thrown in the deep ocean. And the next important question that hits you in the movie is did man save God or God save man and who made who and who is more powerful? Kallai kandal song was very fitting for the scene. There is this proverb in Tamil, “The king punishes immediately, while divine justice gives a long rope”. May be 2004 Tsunami was the effect of 12th Century incident? Which came first, chicken or egg is always the most difficult question to answer, but that doesn’t mean there is no answer.

The reel makes a quick jump to the research laboratory in US where the struggle between science and moral science moves the microbial vial to India. Do we call this karma or logical imperfection? On the other track there is the utsavamurthy traveling ticketless from Chidambaram to the shores of Chennai to unravel other avatars – clash of titans. Some of the avtars are convincing, while some are confusing and could have been avoided.

“What goes around comes around” is it really true? Krishnaveni paati finds closure (after 50 years) wailing on the corpse of Poovaraghan (dalit avatar) on the shore. It makes me think what if Poovaraghan was an incarnation of Paati’s son Aaravamudhan? Govindan and Andal uniting on the backdrop of the stone edifice of Govindarajan, makes me think may be they were Ramanujam and his wife from the previous incarnation. This is where science takes the back seat and religious belief such as reincarnation and karma takes the front seat.

For every knot that is made there is another knot that is untied. May be they are trying to balance between believers and skeptics in the movie? With change in gear and speed and the movie sags and stalls in a few places. Kallai Kandal and Mukunda was the only reprieve when story failed, popcorn was dry and coke turned flat.

Avtar singh getting cured by impinging bullet, Poovaraghan handing over the chain bearing the cross and later being killed by the Tsunami and Kalifullah Khan and clique trapped in the Mosque and saved from Tsunami – is it strange coincidence, divine play or is it blatant ploy of miracles in the age of science and technology?

Running two villains - the microbial vial and Fletcher was different and new to tamil film industry. Some of Fletcher’s stunts and chase around the city buildings made him feel like a localite more than foreigner. Balram Naidu, though humorous shines of ignorance. Shingen, Bush and Kalifulla Khan were not really helpful to the script and were not much different in their make-ups. Mallika Sherawat, and Asin come across as dumb bimbos, while KR Vijaya, Jayapradha and Nagesh were mere bubbles in the ocean.

There is ample discussion on action vs. reaction, god vs. goodness, cause vs. effect, science vs. religion and finally reincarnation vs. natural phenomenon, but brilliant dialogues loose sheen with lengthy, repetitive face and insipid script. This is a must watch movie for pseudo-intellectuals, this is a must watch movie for all those who believe in Newton’s third law of motion and time axis, but this movie may offend sentiments of the right wing and those who believe in god more than goodness.

The 10 avatars in Hinduism happened over a period of four yugas (each yuga is couple of thousands of years) and it all happens in a few nano yugas in the movie. This is like Life in a capsule kind, so please understand the limitation of the script and logical flaws in keeping the reel, real.

To be the best lawyer in the city one must be a criminal. Extending the same logic, you have to be a theist to turn into an atheist. Undoubtedly there is no one more competent than Kamalhassan to incarnate in 10 avatars in a span of just 3 hrs. But we could have done away with a few avatars and packed the movie with more fizz and excitement.

The first 15 mins was really gripping and riveting in terms of performance, dialogues and songs. I was thinking the movie would be a trendsetter asking the most right questions about religion and science. But as the reels run it turned out to be a big disappointment. All said and done nobody can uproot and re-program religious beliefs and sentiments in Indian brains with a mere 3 hour movie. With so many questions raised in the beginning of the movie, we expected an answer on science or religion, good or goodness, action or reaction. But there was no verdict given at the end of the movie – he closed the movie with the line “It would be nice if God is there”. I am not a skeptic and I walked out the movie hall scratching my head, what was he trying to say? Director and actor are both from orthodox hindu families, they can pretend to be an aethist, but in reality they are confused and caught in denial with their religious sentiments. In scientific parlance the movies was “inconclusive” and in religious parlance “offensive”. Will skeptics feel validated or do they feel same way like I did? Isn’t it safe to be ignorant and remain a muddle head than pretend to be intelligent and intellect (chaos theory, butterfly theory)?

Going gaga over Diamonds?

I came back from work and I looked around the house for the newspaper. I wanted to catch up with my morning friend before I left for gym. Like an ostrich I love to bury my face in it until I feel comfortable to see and talk to people in the morning. My beauty sleep had stretched beyond 8 am that morning and I had to skip my lovey dovey hour with my friend. It felt like going to work fully dressed without underwear, my spirits were loose and dangling. Hahah…

Waiting for my mothers filter coffee I turned to soiled newspaper, thanks to my dad. I was trying to arrange the sheets and there was this interesting article on the last page of “The Hindu” that arrested my eye balls. I was skimming through the article and by then my mother was ready with coffee made from freshly brewed Arabica. She was getting my spirits high with the coffee, I looked at the sparkling diamonds in her ear and what I was going to come out with was certain to dousing her spirits. “Do you know that you may be wearing your dead ancestors, animals in your ears and nose?” She was mortified when she heard it and the expression on her face were contorted. Should we have this conversation was what her expression said.

Till then I have never thought that the expensive diamonds that adorn the tiaras, crowns and decorate the gods and goddesses in the temples all came from dead animals, plants and humans. A Masters degree in chemical engineering and I had forgotten my science lessons and I had find a cover to hide my sparkling ignorance. What a shame!!

Coming back to diamonds, how beautiful is it to wear your dead mother, father, husband or grandmother in the form of a diamond pendant or a ring? There they are helplessly dangling around my neck. Sounds really weird, huh? Well this is what people are doing today.

Click here to read more on this….
http://media.www.thewestgeorgian.com/media/storage/paper523/news/2007/03/14/News/Diamonds.Out.Of.The.Dead.Making.Fasionably.Late.Relatives-2774403.shtml

We just need to re-write a tamil adage, “elephants are worth in thousands even if dead” to humans. The lust for diamonds will always sparkle even after death.