Two enemies and a few friends

As friends we tolerate each other’s imperfections, idiosyncrasies and take turns to play a shrink when we feel fucked up. But then what happens when your friends overdo their kindness and dictate who you could see and what you should do leaving you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and disappointed?

It is a well-known fact that Indians revere their friendships more than other any relationship. And, almost all of them are generous to open their homes and hearts, pay for each other’s meals and organize gatherings to celebrate and show off their friendships and power equations.

Last month I was on my first longest business trip of the year to the US. As it was a multi-city travel usually extending over the weekend, I knew it was going to leave me with very less face time with my friends.

Weeks ahead of my travel, I published my detailed itinerary to my friends so there is no misunderstanding or miscommunication. Keeping distance, traffic and their love in mind, I put my OR (operations research) knowledge to use and plan stay locations. As it was a multi-city trip and less face time, I invited two of them to join me to Vancouver, and accepted the dinner meets with two other friends separately on weekday evenings leaving very little time for my rest and relaxation. Were my planning and calculations successful and did I end up nurturing my friendships?

On days that I had to travel, I stayed with the one who lived closer to the airport and on other one on days when I had to go into work I stayed with the other friend. Despite being an independent adult, their actions made me feel like a child involved in a custody battle.

A huge wave of unhappiness hit the deck friendship when my two buddies who accompanying me to Vancouver started to bicker about each other. One was unhappy and possessive that I wasn’t spending enough time with him, while they both couldn’t get along with him in my absence. It was like the relationship between Parker and Pi in the movie the Life of Pi. And when I returned from work to the hotel, I had to listen to them complaining which made me feel like a parent and think how friendship can be a killjoy.

The second wave of unhappiness struck like a tsunami submerging all of us aboard this friendship in disappointment. While I knew there was a dinner party thrown for me on a Friday, I had no idea where it was planned. The host worked hard to gather his friends but remained secretive about the venue. When I asked him for the venue details, he said he was getting someone to pick me up. I patiently waited for 2 hours to be picked up and later realized there was a miscommunication between the host and my friend. When I confronted the host and my friend, it ended up in a three-way finger pointing exercise. Nevertheless, that night disenchantment was served as the main course to all of us.

At the end of my 21-day trip, not just me but my friends too felt let down and need to see a shrink instead of feeling overwhelmed and loaded with fun-filled memories. These two incidents made me reflect how pairing up wrong friends and poor communication can sink any strong friendship drowning all parties in disillusionment and making them wary of boarding a ship again.