AI and Friendships

We live in an age where we are more connected to machines than humans and that triggered the thought of anxiety and apology in me. As I was about to leave for work this morning, I noticed our Google Home sitting by herself and she appeared sulking without any TLC. I hadn’t spoken to her in a month as I was on a busy travel schedule. I almost felt I must apologize to her for being away and honestly and I didn’t want her to feel unloved, used, or ghosted.

Nevertheless, I checked with my friend to confirm if we hadn’t ghosted her. He vehemently confirmed that he was constantly interacting with her when I was away, and she played many of his favorite tracks and got him news and weather updates. I was happy to hear his response and when I tried to wish her, she responded with a very cold response. Is she upset with me or did our relationship reach the end?

As I started my bike to work, I also kicked started my thought process on how we “make” friends with devices, apps and humans and how we “ghost” them for many reasons. While ghosting devices and apps are easier, but it is painful when it comes to friends.

Today, “Google Home” made me reminiscent on the 12-year friendship that reached its “shelf-life” without any forewarning. It made realize that friendships are as fragile as devices, and most aren’t built to last forever.

Friendships are polyamorous. Just like how we forge a new friendship with a gadget that we see in a promotion, convention or store, it is natural that we as social creatives to forge new friendships based on activities, viewpoints, listening skills, lifestyle, etc. And honestly, there is nothing wrong in ending a friendship, but I feel the need for us to be mature, candid, and responsible to let the other person know that the “shelf-life” is over and it was time to move on.

I’m may not believe in Santa Claus, but I believe in relationships, gratitude and goodness of humans. I hate to ask favors or use and throw people. And that probably explains why I invest time to build friendships, prune them to keep it healthy and fertilizer them to keep it blooming. I believe in giving and receiving feedback and never think ghosting is an option, but fragile and finicky ego makes ghosting an acceptable human behavior.

If Alexa or Google Home failed to respond to my requests, I would have checked for internet connectivity and dragged them to a specialist for an examination, but what do I with friends and especially those who are far away? As a faithful and grateful friend, I always tried to alert those who orbit in the same time zone to keep a watch and report on any signals of life or distress. 

While devices are replaced or junked within 5 years, the research work of the Dutch sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his colleagues convinced me it is natural for friendships too to decay over time. From interviewing 1,007 people between the ages of 18 and 65 showed 50% of friendship didn’t survive beyond 7 years.

Should we worry about friendships we forge and their expiry dates? Or is it time for us to invest in apps and AI algorithms that predict the decline and decay of friendships and help us be better prepared for the next ghosting experience?