Tuesdays with Chandra: The matters of heart

What prompted my cardiologist friend to summon me to the hospital the next morning and repeat the ECG and Echo? Was it because he had access to these equipments and was qualified to examine the visuals and interpret the results? Was it because of the friendship we shared? What did the earlier ECHO report say that turn the cardiologist impatient to repeat the tests? I had no answer and Google gave me way too much information to assume and analyze.

I honored my friend’s summon, sacrificed my coffee and showed up the next morning. I was taken to emergency; there was no sweat on my forehead, no panic on my face and with laptop hanging from my shoulder. And for the emergency room staff I looked very normal and must have appeared to have walked into the wrong building. I had never been to an emergency room and not seen the mood of doctors and ambience in the room. Nevertheless, the doctor order for an ECG and within seconds I was disarmed of my belongings, made to lie on the examination table. I stared at the roof while the leads were connected to my left side of my chest and when everything was ready the ECG machine failed to work! Even the ECG machine seems to have breakdown in the emergency room. It looked like my waves from my heart short circuited the ECG machine!

Finally, another ECG machine was brought over to record the unheard messages from my heart on a paper. Wouldn’t every lover and spouse want to hear and see the unheard messages from the heart, not just around Valentine’s day, but even on other days? The technician and doctor stared intently at the paper and the tip of the pen recording communication from my heart. It didn’t take much time to fill the A4 sheet and it was all black and white!

I heard the doctor say “incomplete RA and RV” and nothing else. I didn’t know if this recording was good or bad, but the doctor looked pensive. Is that a common demeanor in the emergency room? Those set of 8 lines on the graph paper meant nothing to me. All I knew was that I was hardly 10 m away from the ICU, but the results from the ECG didn’t need me to go that side. While he waited for me to get dressed he called his colleague over the phone and asked him to come to the Echo room on the first floor. We took the stairs, and he raced like a doe, while I was struggling to keep pace with him and I had no room question the scribble on the paper filled with mirco checks.

He ordered the Echo technician to prepare for the procedure as we got into the room. This was my second experience with Echo and I knew the breathe-in, hold, breathe-out, and lying down on the side routine very well. And over the next 20 minutes the two cardiologists and the Echo technician were staring at the monitor that showed the contours of my heart. They were looking for the culprit(s) aka anomalies. I heard them search for evidences of congenital defects in my heart. One of the said, “show me the septum and the valves” and the other said, “let us rule out venous sinuous” and they kept searching for everything they learnt in their anatomy class. At times they turned up the volume on the machine to hear the symphony composed in my heart. Now there was music to go with the visuals. Was the symphony normal? Was there an extra beat? Did their monitors show the same result that was seen by the other technician yesterday? I heard the beat, I saw the contours and to me the visual on the monitor was hazy and beats had no rhythm. But from the diagnosis and the discussion I knew “matters of heart” for me are always hazy and difficult to understand.

At the end of the procedure the cardiologist and the technician independently and together validated the earlier finding “dilated RA and RV”, though they ruled out a few congenital defects, but they had no conclusive evidence of what was causing the dilatation of the right side of the heart. I was ahead of the diagnosis and asked them if I needed a surgery to correct the dilation. Since no one has ever gone this close to my heart, I was petrified.

To ascertain the exact reason for dilation they suggested that I undergo Trans Esophageal Echo (TEE). This would help them rule out other abnormalities and pin-point the exact cause. Now I was asked to show up again tomorrow morning in empty stomach. I felt like a lab rat and at times proud that my heart was a piece of puzzle to the cardiologists. But I was still smiling and energetic after the 14 hour fast and invited the doctors for a cup of coffee. While one of them took my offer, the other proceeded to attend other patients in the queue. Over the cup of coffee I asked the doctor about his gut feel on the diagnosis and preparation for tomorrow’s procedure.

I know matters of my heart must be equally confusing and sounding ominous to you. Next week will bring more clarity. So come back soon! Until then go easy on sugar, fat and carbs. Importantly learn to listen to your heart.

Tuesdays with Chandra: Revelation 04:04:2011

I woke up early on April4 (Ugadi – New Year) like any other day and I had traded my yoga class for a master health check-up at a nearby laboratory, but not my yoga attire. I was not anxious or afraid and my attire truly represented my attitude: shorts, tee and sandals; cool, calm and casual. I had been fasting since 7 pm the earlier night and at 7.30 am the laboratory was brimming with older people, who had come in empty stomach to give blood samples. I know it is dangerous to be around elderly who’ve not had their morning coffee, and hence I stayed away from picking up conversations with any of them :-).

There is crowd everywhere in India be it railway stations, malls, temples, cinema halls, hill stations, and sadly even in hospitals and jails. The last two categories represented the unhealthy population: physically and mentally who are temporarily locked till they get cured. Sadly even those get visitors :-)! Whether these people feel like criminals or not, while the world looks at that with both sympathy and scare. But I must appreciate that people followed the queue and there was method to madness in Madras. I paid the money for the tests and then moved on the floor above. And there I showed my receipt to the man behind the registration counter. Everything about him was fresh and large: smile, clothes, hair and even the viboothi on his forehead. Looking at this man I was reminded of Lord Ganesha, this man even had a mouse, but just the garland was missing. Aha, wait to see who gets diagnosed with "super-sized" body parts.

He handed over a printed sheet with the list of tests for the package I had subscribed for and the tests were arranged by the hour and room numbers written next to them. Now I had no reason to ask or talk and just walk to the right rooms and give samples, get tested and scanned. The rooms in the laboratory followed an assembly line arrangement and everything was process driven, I just hoped the results were of Six Sigma quality standard.

I know it was Monday morning and 7.30 – 9.00 AM was Rahu kalam, and all I could do was leave home at 7.20 AM. At 8.10am the hungry hypodermic needle punctured my subcutaneous tissue and sucked blood from my vein. After the first sample of blood was drawn I went into the pantry to have glass of glucose (75 gms of glucose dissolved in less than 100 ml of water) and I used the paper napkin in front of me to calculate the normality of the drink.

While I was waiting outside the room to get my abdominal scan (liver, kidney, gall bladder, etc.) the technician asked me to drink a few more glasses of water (inflate my abdominal assets?). While I was waiting for my turn, an elderly gentleman on his mobile was sharing a moment of pride and achievement with his friend. He has forced his son and daughter-in-law visiting from overseas for a master health check-up. Soon I got invited for my stripping and scanning session and I had to miss on the other details he shared with his friend.

The cold gel at the end of the probe gave me goose bumps as the technician went up and down, right and left. He asked me to fill my lungs with air and at times asked me to hold my breath as he scanned my abdomen. And as he scanned my appendix he asked me if I felt any pain and asked me if I carried any appendix to my health, family, lifestyle and eating habits. Finally there was a big smile on his face, probably from a big catch? Before he diagnosed he asked me if I consumed alcohol, I was ready to draw the chemical structure of an alcohol molecule with the bonds and swear that I know nothing about its taste, color, viscosity, and other chemical properties. My answer didn’t deter him from changing his diagnosis! Miranda in Sex and the City around the same age gets diagnosed with “Lazy ovary” and here I am at 35 diagnosed with “Fatty liver”. So 30’s reveals all that is large and lazy, huh?

As I dressed up the technician asked me if I had an “Echo” in my package and if I had scheduled for an appointment. I was not aware and showed him the sheet of paper, but then he asked me to get an echo immediately. His tone sounded ominous. I went to the Ganesha man at the registration counter and asked him if I can include “Echo” in my package. He said my name was already in the list but I had not paid for it. But he was kind enough to let me into the echo room and pay later.

For man whose stayed healthy and lived healthy all through, terms like “Fatty Liver” and getting recommended for an “Echo” didn’t mean a thing. I didn’t know if I should feel proud or let my eyebrows sag in worry. Without much wait I made it into the Echo room. The technician was tall, thin and looked like a kid right out of high school. I stripped and lay down on the table, the monitor was ready showing images from the last scan, the technician put for circular adhesive strips (size of a carom coin) in my left chest and leads were connected. He passed the same instructions: breath-in, breath-out and hold as he moved up and down, left and right to my diaphragm. Having missed my yoga class in the morning this almost was like a pranayama routine. During the echo he asked me about my last check-up and where it was done. Why should questions be one-way? I had to ask and I asked him how long he has been an echo technician and said his looks deceived his experience. And finally what he said suddenly shortened by prana and almost became a “yama” to my prana!

I could see him record a few findings, without any interpretation in the green register and he ended the sheet with a two big question marks (??). I asked him to explain his prognosis, while he was adamant that I meet a cardiologist and recommended for a TransEsophagealEcho (TEE). I peeped into the register the findings he had recorded and I came out of the room and I texted two of my close doctor friends: a pediatric cardiologist and another pediatric intensivist. What does that mean? Am I in for more surprises? In the meantime I received a call from my mother to check if everything was going fine. She said he had just sent the watchman to the Ganesha temple nearby to break a coconut. My Mother's way of bribing Ganesha!

While I waited for my doctor friends to respond or call, I finished giving my second and third blood samples and even got through the X-ray. The last hoop for this healthy dog was a physical exam with a physician. He went through the readily available questionnaire to record my replies, while I interrupted him to explain me the findings from the abdominal scan and Echo. He said he needed to see the results, but placed the Stet scope on my chest and asked me to perform the pranayama routine again. I felt the phone in my pocket vibrate, but I was absorbed in the physician’s examination and didn’t repond. From what his Stet scope could pick-up, he ruled out “murmur” in the heart. I came out of the room with a little smile and a puzzle to solve, and returned my doctor friend’s call.

What was recorded in the Echo? What did my friends, the Pediatric Cardiologist and Pediatric Intensivist  say?  Come back for more surprises and till next Tuesday stay healthy and eat healthy!

Tuesdays with Chandra

I am inspired by Mitch Albom’s Tuesday with Morrie and plan to make this post every Tuesday. There is no striking similarity between me, Mitch and Morrie, except the “Tuesdays”. Tuesdays with Chandra is just an interesting phase of life that I am going through. I am recording as I am experiencing and I will write till I am exhausted or turn breathless.

I am just a healthy human being both in mind and body (atleast I believe and feel that way). Well it is normal for everybody to feel healthy until and unless proved otherwise! And when proved or disproved, may be every Mitch has a possibility to turn into a Morrie? But don’t be sure of every Morrie to effuse the same wisdom.

For a man who has worked out 6 days a week for the past 11 years, practiced yoga for the past 4 years, indulged in physical activity of all kinds from swimming, cricket, skiing in New Hampshire bunjee jumping in Tennessee, to trekking at 18000 ft in Himalayas, and importantly one who ate healthy, a health check-up never featured on the priority list. A recent evaluation revealed that I was more fit and flexible than the trainers at the gym. Heard of health miles? If at all I could redeem these miles, I may just ask for an ailment, a repair and maintenance free old age with a peaceful and dignified end.

Given the genetic pre-disposition to heart ailments in the family, If there was an option I would have donated these health miles as heart miles (does the recipient needs to pay gift tax?). But for someone who has decided to stay single for this life, healthy lifestyle is an absolute non-negotiable. And today I understand that charity comes only after self sufficiency.

I may sound like a vampire if I said I love of blood. In reality, I loved donation aspect of blood. All of us have blood, but not many of us are healthy and happy to donate. And as a healthy citizen, I considered blood donation a way to service the man-kind and it was the only way I could share my health miles.

Ever since I turned 18, I would mark my calendar and would stop by the blood bank every three months to add to their diminishing supply. Sometimes I made donation at the hospital blood bank and got an opportunity to meet the recipient, but most of the times I had no clue about the recipient. The latest donation was the book fair in January and the very moment I saw the mobile blood van I jumped right in and even tried to brainwash my healthy friend who came along with me to donate. I failed to convince him, but nevertheless my donation continued with pride.

The first time I won 2 medals for my physical power and endurance was last year. One for bench press, another for squat in the 30-35 age group category. The first one certified my upper body power, while the second one testified my lower body strength. I still remember that Monday morning. I was swarmed by the trainers as soon as I entered the gym and within minutes without any warm up I was benching 120 kgs and squatting 90 kgs. I put the medal around her neck for giving birth to a healthy child and feeding me nutritious meals for 35 years. I felt proud and committed to my health and fitness levels, but never felt arrogant or over confident. Surprises do come without notice and that is what makes life unpredictable and interesting.

See you next Tuesday.....

Emotions vs. Economics

First two months in the year went by living in the city and doing the same mind numbing metro routine amidst pollution, burgeoning traffic and leading unhealthy lifestyle both health and attitude-wise. I decided to take the much needed break to travel back to my village and spend an extended weekend waking up to the call of the birds and cattle, walking around the green fields covered with dew, and spending sometime on the riverside.

I made conversations with the farmers who spoke high of my lineage and shared anecdotes from my great grandfather’s days that pumped up my pride. I gloated in pride and felt like the “King of the Jungle” for a few minutes, but realities of life soon brought me back to the present. The conversation apart from pumping up my pride pushed me into a self-enquiry mode. Have I gone too far away from my roots? Should I stick to what my ancestors did? Should I quit my job and come back to the village? It was not just the people at the bottom of the pyramid who continue to live in poverty, but the gods too. A few temples that was built and protected by my ancestors were in dilapidated condition and it was impossible to walk past it closing my eyes and disowning my responsibility. Sadly both those who worked in the field and the gods who stayed close to the fields were in bad shape. But the capitalistic side in me was weighing the opportunity cost of coming back to the village vs. the opportunity cost of continuing my job in the city.ROI!

Every meal we’ve had so far, the rice, tamarind and pulses came from our land and not from the supermarket next door. Is it because of that why I feel a deep sense of guilt, shame and responsibility in my mind and heart today? I was unable to shrug those feelings off. Here I am working in the Software industry making the new dollars, while neglecting the sunshine sector of India.

Many of us, me including me, expect our employers to give us raise and promotion year after year, we bargain for better medical insurance, we look around for jobs with better salaries, and on top of that there is gratuity if you lasted in the organization for more than 5 years. But those who work in the farm there is none of the above. There is no guarantee if we will hold on our lands and if they will get employment for life and for those who continued to work for decades, there is no PF, gratuity or even reverence. For life at the root, there are no promises, but only compromises. Life is hard, unappreciated and always nascent.

My ancestors’ alteast for the past 4 generations have all been agrarians. In 1978 my father moved us from village to a metro with the ambition to give us good education. Even then we came back to the village every year during the summer vacation. We played in the fields with cows and calves, we played hide and seek in the haystack and enjoyed the journeys to the next village in bullock carts.

In the city today, we all lead a sedentary profession in air-conditioned offices and in front of laptops, incessantly complain about power-cuts, water shortage and traffic jams, but seldom have we realized the hard work that goes in the fields in sweltering heat and shivering cold to grow grains, unpredictable nature that dumps rain and heat without any promise. Here is the pseudo spiritualist in me weighing which of us reduce our karma loads faster, is it the people in the city or the people in the village?

All said and done my ancestors provided employment opportunities to those in the bottom of the pyramid. Generations after generations these peasants worked on our fields and a few still continue to work. Those were the times when life style involved hard physical labor and people remained healthy and satisfied. Today, hospitals and ailments have multiplied along with disease of the body and mind (dissatisfaction and depression).

Our land holding have been intact for the past 60 years and we have tried to cultivate paddy atleast twice a year and alternate years in every patch of land ensuring employment and food for those who dependent on our land for livelihood. There have been years of bad monsoon, when my mother jewels were kept in the bank to pump some money into agriculture and keep the ecosystem healthy and alive. After having gone through the cycles of bumper harvest and drought for 50 years my dad shared his views when I promised to pump in cash from the city to support the crumbling agricultural ecosystem.

He explained with patience the whole agricultural ecosystem and how we’ve started the chain reaction by moving to the cities. “It is not just us who have migrated to the city in search of greener pastures, but many from these villagers have moved to cities to support our never ending need and greed. Those security guards who guard our homes all night in the company of mosquitoes while we merrily sleep in air-conditioned rooms, those call centre drivers who work all nights to make their ends meets, and janitorial staff who clean behind us and our left over come from this agricultural ecosystem. We have started the chain reaction by turning on the engine of greed and moving to the city. Education may be a cure for poverty, but it definitely seems a killer when it comes to the ecological pyramid. We are both a part of the problem and the solution.”

We haven’t sold even an acre of land in the past 60 years though the number of families and next generations has steadily migrated to the city leaving the farmlands brown and barren. Today shortage of labor is the biggest crises plaguing the agrarian society more than shortage of water or failure of monsoon. But signs of capitalism are seen in agrarianism. Not just cities, but agriculture too is going through the phase of mechanization. From sowing to harvesting machines are making in-roads into the villages. As a result of all this rapid urbanization, deserting the farmlands, abandoning roots we’ve create a harangue in the Parliament over inflation. People on top of the pyramid and at the bottom are feeling the pinch and pain, let us hope Darwinism will heal the pain of evolution in the long run.

Even if I am ready to move back to the village today, the old generation that still lives with sincerity and gratitude is on the verge of extinction and the youth has moved to the cities. I need the older generation to stay besides me for knowledge transfer. Should we sell the land like the rest, abandon those peasants and turn back to the villages or should we continue hold on to the pride and promise with patience and perseverance? A daunting and haunting question in our mind today.

My father’s failing health requires him to stay in the city and more closer to the hospital, while I am in a profession. Is mid thirties the right time for another professional change? Should I perform the duty towards the family or duty towards holding the land and surviving peasants? Should we give some away some land to those who stayed with us for long and sell the remaining holdings and disown the village? How about the gods and dilapidated temple? Is it inheritance of loss, curse or overburdening responsibility?

But how about pyramids? Well climbing the pyramids seem nothing but going through the circle of life. All that goes up comes down? My ancestral house that once hosted 50 visitors per day and per meal hardly had 5 people in the house. Several sanyasis have stayed in this house (Kanchi Maha periaval, Sringeri Periaval, Sakatapuram Swamigal, etc.) The building and us, both were surviving on the ancestral punya, tales and blessings brought by the visiting farmers. I could see striking similarity in the exposed iron rods from the ceiling and those ribs in the farmer’s chest – gratitude! Where is mine?

Everything seemed like yesterday, memories were strong and the smell is fresh. I sat in every room in the ancestral house and recollected tales of my childhood in that house. My mother showed me the swing that I slept on, my father reminded me of the Phantom stories he narrated in the afternoon. The deserted garden and the cows in the shed looked like an orphans without my grandmother. Against the setting sun I looked at the huge crumbling ancestral home (more than 60 years old), cracks are travelling at a faster rate between the cement and iron that once stayed together like nail and skin, exposing the iron rods beneath it, and my grandmother was also not around anymore. The compound wall to the left of the house had fallen and that seems an easy to build, while nature was redefining relationships and reconstructing boundaries!

So this is the story of the fourth generation retiring agrarian looking at the next generation of capitalists for help. The intangibles on one side of the pan and weighed against tangibles on the other side of the pan turning the human mind is into boxing ring where Emotions play against Economics. Does setting sun against rising moon take away hope and optimism? Does climbing the pyramids take you back to the bottom of the same pyramid? Is it a common occurrence to helplessly watch while caught in the cusp of evolution?

I could no longer see things in a capitalistic or Darwinist point of view, emotions created pangs of guilt and responsibility. For now I plan to watch the Super moon from the fields, this is the second Super moon since my birth. Should I take it as a brightest glow before the outage or a new sign of hope and light in the horizon? I left the village with a heavy heart and a conflicting mind. Life seemed more of confusion than choice.

Nature is powerful, wild and runs its own agenda without giving a hint. Let us watch, for now I have my Monday morning deliverables…

Click on the link to look at some pictures taken in our fields: https://picasaweb.google.com/104497790813148988752/PixUp31911345PM#

Contestants humiliated on Carnatic Music Idol TV Show

Carnatic Music Idol, a music competition that gets telecasted on Jaya TV unearths youth talent in the Carnatic Music across the world. There are some contestants who’ve come from overseas to take part in the competition and the winner walks away with two concert slots – one at Jaya TV Markazhi Maha utsavam and other at Cleaveland Thyagaraja Aradhanai.

The first season of CM Idol was held last year, and it unearthed potential singers like Barath Sundar, Sriranjani Santhanagopalan, Brinda Manikavasagam, etc. Now the second season is on and Balaji the comparer of the show proudly announces the new tagline of the show in every episode, “Carnatic Music Idol - It is not a competition but it a career”. Let us assume what Balaji says is true, then Carnatic Musicians seated on the judges panel are all would-be colleagues for selected the participants, Am I right?

The initial round of selection was done by Sashikiran and Gayathri Venkatragavan and the next level of screening was done by Sowmya and Ganesh. A contestant turned up in a trouser and shirt for the selection since he came from Sholinagur (more than 100 kms away from Chennai and had travelled by train). When he came on the dais Ganesh and Sowmya derided him without giving an opportunity to explain or magnanimity to understand. Such is the quality of the judges on the panel.

Now the semi-final is on and the panel of judge consists of Sowmya, Sashikiran, Gayatri Venkatragavan, Ganesh, Kumaresh and Neyveli Santhanagopalan. But sadly none of them on the panel except Neyveli Santhanagopalan exhibit maturity, respect and even worth a seat on that panel.

Why did Sowmya, Sashikiran, Gayathri Venkatraghavan find a place on the panel? Is it because they have a personal equation with the show producer? Is it because they charge less to make appearances on such shows? Is it beacuse they have a glamor quotient? What have these guys achieved in their professional to sit on the panel? Do they have all the qualities what it takes to be a judge? I have seen more than half of the seats empty in Sowmya and Sashikiran’s concert. Are they crowd puller or crowd chasers? Well after this behavior they can only be crowd chasers and fall in the category of tear gas, pepper spray, water gun, etc.

Imagine you are going for a job interview and your senior colleagues on the interview panel make fun of your education, attire, skill set, bully you throughout the interview while trying to show off their seniority and experience and humiliate you in front of thousands of viewers? Is this a very professional way of interviewing and understanding your potential? Then why does comperer Balaji refer to this show as a career and not competition? Would you ever want to join such a profession and have these people for colleagues? May be that is why Carnatic Music is still restricted to a few cities, a few communities and cliques.

All on the panel except Neyveli Santhanagopalan are unprofessional in their approach, attitude and behavior. It is easy for him to get carried away, but Santhanagopalan comes across a true teacher, magnanimous senior and one who stokes passion, learning and explore new dimensions of Carnatic music. He methodically explores the depth of their patanthra, asks questions to make them think (not humiliate) in different dimension and slowly hold them to walk out of the puzzle. There is so much of learning and encouragement for not just the participants but thousands of viewers and rasikas of Carnatic music. This approach to learning turns a spark in the contestant into a fire, and what follows is perseverance and passion.

Here is another instance where Sowmya asked the contestant to sing Kambodhi Varnam. The contestant lacked clarity while singing the sahityam “Sarasauku ra ra”and Sowmya displayed here sarcasm and poor sense of humor and asked the contestant if Sarasa was her next door neighbor. Is this what you call constructive criticism? Not educative but belittling!

Why is it that they behave in such a demeaning fashion? It is often proved that the abused turns into abusers. Does this hold good for Carnatic Musicians too? So were these guys selected through such rounds of insults and abuse? Do they behave in such a way to increase the TRPs for the show? It looks more like a cheap reality show and not a career making platform. Are they threatened that they would lose their chance and popularity with new talents in the horizon?

When the show was first launched I felt this was like GRE, GMAT, US MLE exams that students take to go study overseas. It is highly competitive, but is it professionally healthy? Today so many youngsters come from all over the world to participate and if such is the treatment meted out to them, then Carnatic Music will soon be a forgotten art and Markazhi season will turn the summer of Carnatic Music thus defeating the very purpose of the show.

Mumbai Expresso!

My first trip to this city was in 2005 and I was mesmerized watching orderliness in chaos, it felt like watching the activity in an ant mound or a bee hive. From the moment I landed at the airport I could feel the pulse, spirit, energy and adrenalin rush in this coastal city. Is it in their blood or is it in the food they eat, but everybody seems to walk (to me it is run) around with a purpose. Should I call this a treadmill city?

When I landed in Chicago for the first time, first year ago, I looked at the city with both awe and admiration and every time I land in Mumbai I look at the city with same awe and admiration. Suburban trains is the back bone of this city and it also brings together people for a purpose and takes them back to their families at the end of the day. Those old and petite black Padmini’s (Fiat cars) chauffeuring around, autos with functioning meters and auto guys who return back the last penny, while those at the top of the pyramid scam war widows (Adarsh society), this is a city where old and new, honesty and dishonesty, bollywood and stock market coexist (both inflates assets). It will not be an overstatement to say Mumbai is the NY and LA of India.

I must have come to this city more than half a dozen times and every time the purpose was different. From official visits to vacation to prospecting (I did a mini swayamvar in this city long before Rakhi Sawant) I have fond memories and little disappointments of this city. Official trips gave me a cab at my disposal and I usually have Mariappans, Tamilarasus, and Velus drive me around. I know the cab companies profile their drivers and guests to create that extra comfort and I don’t miss interviewing every guy who drives me around. If you are Mallu there is a mini Mallu land in Mulund, and a mini Mylapore in Chembur and Matunga. This city easily lets you root, yet help you retain your flavors and characteristics.

Mumbai has a bad image of over-crowded slums in the minds of Indians and the image just got bigger and global after Slum Dog Millionaire. This time I took at window seat while flying over Mumbai to catch a glimpse of all that I could see. I saw the Worli to Bandra Sea bridge, the bend at the beginning, the cable running from the sky to hold the iron and concrete, but I was not sure how many scams were buried under the ocean. The infamous Dharavi seemed elusive from the air, but I must tell you I have walked inside the slum.

I was not surprised when another Marippan picked me at the airport. I sat in the cab and my usual questions kept flowing like Mumbai traffic. This man from Tuticorin, father of two boys was living all by himself and sent his wife and kids back home and he says it is affordable to manage a family living there. I know it sounds like a father with visitation rights, but Mariappan's dreams were hatching and growing elsewhere, while many other come to this city with a hope to hatch and make their dreams a reality.

I was born in Tamilnadu and every time I am outside my state and when someone speaks Thamizh my heart just softens. We have heard and seen how Thamizhs who go to work in Srilanka, Malaysia and Singapore are treated. So I make it a point to ask about them and their life when I see them outside of Tamilnadu. Every time I don’t fail to ask them about their arrival in Mumbai, dens, experience of the Maximum city, equation with the localites, family, kids etc. On a few occasions I have even asked them to take me to their dwelling.

In the 60 mins ride to work Mariappan shared so much about his childhood, experiences in the city and distance away from his family with a stranger without asking any questions in return. But that is what the “Thamizh connect” does. He genuinely opened his life and heart to me, but sadly all I could share was a few currency notes from my wallet. He made me feel helpless and cheap, but I knew those extra notes will give his family a little more happiness.

Life is busy, people are on the run, but still people pause to show their love and care for their friends and family. Mumbaikars don't have time to even gossip about their film stars & Bollywood, it is people who live outside who have all the time to wag their tongue.

Every time I come to this city I avoid staying in the hotels, I don’t care how many stars they carry, but My friend Arun’s den on the 14 floor in Borivali is my heaven. Honesty, love and care flows here. There is no air-condition but there is ample cross ventilation for fresh thoughts and makes it a real heaven on earth. From his living room I can look down at the chaotic traffic on the Western Express Highway and yet life here is warm, cool, safe and secure. The blanket and bed I get at his place is the most comfortable place to rest after a long day, his wardrobe comes to my rescue when I failed to bring my clothes (I don’t show up like Yana Gupta) and the morning breakfast from his roommate, Pardipto makes, this my home away from home. What a boundary-less living!

Be it a dwelling on the 14th floor in Borivali or a den in the boundaries of the city with Mariappan, Mumbai is a cradle of love, hope and hardwork. For many Mumbai may be an express city, but for me it is an expresso city. That one shot of expresso, that one shot of love, care and security from the friendship is enough to keep me going for a year. Why seek heaven when a city of Earth gives you all that you desire. I am already craving for my next shot, yes Aamchi Mumbai is calling.

Bairavi Raga as handled by the Music Trinity

I had done no homework for the lecture demonstration (atleast I could have made a list of krithis in Bairavai raga), rather I showed up like Bairavi character (ignorance is bliss) in the movie Sindhu Bairavi, while Gayathri Girish had done all the homework to educate the audience on Bairavi.

Usually artist get on the stage with a sruthi box and bunch of papyrus to present a lecture demonstration, but Smt. Gayathri Girish got to the dais with a laptop apart from the regular aids and paraphernalia during her lecture at Indira Nagar Sangeetha Sabha, Bangalore on Jan 26, 2011. So much of research, wisdom and preparation had been condensed into those 20 slides.

The lecture started like a Chemistry lecture where the professor outlines the physical and chemical property of an element. Gayathri started by sketching the antiquity of Bairavi and she sang Kadhalagi Kasindhu from Thevaram in Bairavi, referred to as Kaushikam Pann. This raga was very much in use even before the Musical Trinity handled of this raga.

Here are a few bullets from that slide.
• Atleast 1500 years old raga
• Janyam of 20th Melakartha Natabairavi
• A Major raga and a Bhasanga raga (higher dhaivatam)
• Referred to as Kaushikam Pann in Sangam poetry
•Sung usually in the later hours of the day

Gayathri had also listed a few “suthras” that described the characteristics of Bairavi (bashanga raga, sampoorna raga, swarams, etc.) and in the slides that followed she listed all Sangeetha Granthas that has reference and reverence to Bairavi.

Bairavai raga has undergone a lot of changes over a period of time to where it is today. The shift from use of smaller to bigger dhaivatam has happened over the years and some composers have beautifully used both dhaivatams.

The last stop Gayathri made before she delved deeper into the Bairavi as handled by Music Trinity was Pacchimirium Sree Aadiappiyer’s Viriboni Bairavi varnam in ata talam.

What is so special about this varnam?
Lot of suddha dhaivatam usages is seen in this varnam and this varnam beautifully show cases Dasavidha gamakas - Kampita, sphurita, tripuscha, pratyaahaata, nokku, etrajaru, erakkajaru, odukkal, orikkai, khandippu. All these gamakas on the ppt would not make sense if not explained by rendering the varnam. Gayathri explained and sang every gamakam used in the krithi.

The pallavi of this varnam is loaded with Shringara rasam and in the Anupallavi there is a special reference to beauty of the Mannargudi Sri Rajagopalan (sarasudau daksina dwāraka sāmi śrī rājagōpāla dēva). To learn this varnam visit - http://www.shivkumar.org/music/varnams/index.html and click on Bairavi.

As the last item Gayathri presented was Kshetragna’s Padam – Rama Rama Pranasakhi before she proceeded to the topic of the day.

By then audience had understood the contours, antiquity and the swara prasthanas of this raga and the foundation was laid to build more. Gayathri listed the Krithis of Thyagaraja (18), Muthuswami Dikshithar (7) and Shyama Sastri (3) and analyzed their Bairavi’s based on speed and starting note.

Gayathri presented the krithis in the above table. She sang every krithi to show the kalapramanam (tempo), the starting note and the sthaye. The Trinity has used various talas to deliver the kalapramanams, varying the starting note and sthayis to bring the beauty of the raga.

Here are a few interesting snippets:
1.Thyagaraja has used Bairavi in main krithis, Utsava sampradaya krithis, divyanama krithis, operas like Nauka Charithiram, Prahlada Baktha Vijayam, and kshetra krithis like Lalgudi Pancharatnam.

2.While Muthuswami Dikshithar’s Balagopala is packed with syllables, the lyrical beauty and swaraksharams and gives little room for nereval. Chintayahmam belongs to the category of Panchabootha krithis of Muthuswami Dikshithar and describes the Somaskanda under the Mango tree in Kancheepuram. In the charanam he shows the raga mudra.

3.Shyama Sastri’s Kamakshi swarajathi starts in mandhara sthayi and every charanam starts at the next higher note. While Paravathi Janani krithi begins in mel “Sa” and all charanams are for the same tune.

During the lec-dem Gayathri spent ten whole minutes presenting the magnam opus Bairavi piece of Shyama Sastri – Amba Kamakshi.

1.Krithi starts in the mandhara sthayi
2.All the 8 charanams are in the swaram-sahityam pattern
3.Each Charanam begins at sequential ascending note
4.1st Charanam ends with Pa-Da-Ni-Sa-Ri
5.2nd Charanam ends with Nee-Gaa-ri and the notes bring out the pleading mood in the lyric
6.3rd Charanam – the usage of the madhyamam and also a swaraksharam
7.4th Charanam – brings out the usage of jaaru and the beautiful glide from Sa to Pa
8.5th and 7th Charanam – lyrics bring out the beauty of the swaram – swaraksharam
9.8th – composer mudhra and raga mudhra in the last charanam and there is also an unusual likn from S to G

As the tail end piece of this presentation, Smt. Gayathri Girish showed the influence of Bairavai compositions of Trinity on 19 century composers like Papanasam Sivan in his Thaaye Ezhaipaal krithi, Patnam Subramanya Iyer’s krithi Ni Padhamula and Elaraadaayene, a Javali.

By the end of the 45 mins lecture demonstration (though audience felt it could have been taken for a long 3 hours) Gayathri had packed the lecture with finer research details of the raga as handled by Trinity. Infact she had covered all kinds of compositions – Varnam, Swarajathi, Geetham, Krithis (Kshetra, Utsava, Divyanama, Nauka Charithiram, Parhlada Baktha vijayam), Padam, Javali that were available in Bairavi.

What could be a better way to spend Jan 26 than listening to the compositions of Trinity? Should we call her as Bairavi Gayathri as praised by HK Venkatram who was the Reporteur for the morning session.

Here is a link that you can refer to educate yourself on various compositions in Bairavi - http://www.shivkumar.org/music/manodharma/index.html#bhairavi