Think before you twiddle!

Think before you twiddle!

Does digital world have etiquettes and should one follow and apply the same rules of engagement, endearment and disengagement to this world without shadows?

Today, smart phones behave like Russians spying on conversations, calls and messages and putting forward suggestions for personal and professional connect. Without much thought, we twiddle our thumbs and send out requests similar to missiles from North Korea. While some perceive these missiles as a way way to forge friendships, many perceive them as intrusion, pompous display power or even label it as an intention to snoop.

I am a friendly guy and it doesn't take much for me to accost a stranger with an unharming smile, disarming their ego, breaching their personal firewall and turning the air cordial and friendly. But if there is one place where I am apprehensive of playing my charm and end up behaving quite the opposite, it is the digital world.

Keeping them on-hold
Two weeks ago, I was on a call with colleagues from across the world and soon after the call ended one of the participants who I hadn't exchanged even a single word on the call sent me a request to connect without any introduction. Is working for the same company a good reason to stay connected on sites such as Linked In? Should I be polite and connect with her or should I be logical and put her request on-hold until we professionally get to know each other?

Being smart and ruthless
A few years ago, my ex-boss explained how he connected only with ex-colleagues and prospective colleagues/employers. He stringently evaluates the worthiness of the individual before connecting professionally and always looked at maximizing the outcome of such connects. He puts all request from existing colleagues on hold until they turn into exs' and others until he establishes their intent. Does that make him smart and principles or unfriendly and ruthless?

Blurring professional boundaries
Recently, I received LinkedIn requests from my insurance agent, wealth manager, and cab driver asking them to add them to my network and recommend their services. Why would I brag to my professional network about the wealth I made through my manager or the risks I mitigated through the insurance agent? Though the connection from their point of view seemed perfectly right, but I didn't know if I was blurring the boundaries between my personal and professional life by recommending them on Linked In.

Wearing a Venetian mask
A friend of mine who recently got stabbed at the back by his boss, waited until he moved jobs and then quietly deleted him from his LinkedIn. When his ex-boss found out that he has been deleted, he wasn't happy. "But I don't want people who sabotage my professional career on my Linked network," opined my emotionally charged friend.
In the real world it would be easier to mask human feelings or wear a Venetian mask, but in the digital world a mere delete or unfriend option instantly blows up bridges.

Transparency invites dishonesty
A senior colleague lamented about being dishonest while writing endorsements and recommendations. He said we indiscriminately use like and share buttons to satisfy our fragile egos in the name of growing friendships. He also pointed out people have begun to use skill endorsements and professional testimonials to make them look like experts and superman/superwoman. In the real world, testimonials are shared privately and there is an opportunity for the feedback to remain confidential and honest.

It's all window dressing
A few companies are using the LinkedIn accounts of their senior leaders to attract new business and connect with buyers. A set of social media consultants put together curated content and push it to senior leaders, who in turn share to make them self look  like experts and intellectuals broking technology and business. Aren't these people like mannequins in stores, who they are made to look good and attract buyers?

Unreal and fragile
As much as the digital world fuels our emotions, it also turn us into opportunists and ruthless and dishonest individuals. The likes, shares, endorsements and testimonies can turn our egos fragile bringing out the Jekyl and Hyde in us. If not used carefully, it wields power to kick-start a nuclear fission (unlinking us from the rest) and annihilate us from our faithful shadows. So, think before you twiddle!

Did you know demanding for your Aadhar is Illegal?

In an effort to prevent leakage of millions of rupees paid in subsidies, The Government of India came up with a grand project to collect the biometric and demographic data of residents and in exchange issue a 12-digit unique identity number aksa Aadhar for leak-free disbursement.  Worried about privacy concerns and data security, some civil liberty groups like Citizens Forum for Civil Liberties and Indian Social Action Forum (INSAF) opposed the project.

On 23 September 2013, the Supreme Court of India issued an interim order saying that "no person should suffer for not getting Aadhaar" as the government cannot deny a service to a resident if s/he does not possess Aadhaar, as it is voluntary and not mandatory. Following this order, on 11 August 2015, the Supreme Court of India ruled that "Aadhaar will not be used for any other purposes except PDS, kerosene and LPG distribution system" and made it clear that even for availing these facilities Aadhaar card will not be mandatory.

Given this background information about Aadhar and its purpose, let me take you through a blatant violation by Reliance Industries Limited and also Government of India seeking your Aadhar details on PF and Indian Railway Booking sites, which are yet to be approved by Supreme Court of India.

This week, I noticed an unusually long line at the rear end of our cafeteria at work. I was not sure if they brought in additional vendors to manage the peak-hour traffic. But when I finished my lunch and went towards the wash area I enquired with one of them on the purpose of this long queue. He flashed a bright smile announcing it was the queue to get a Reliance Jio 4G sim-card. Before I could ask him on the documentation required He pointed at the white-board which carried additional information.  To my surprise, I found Reliance demanding your Aadhar to get a 4G connection.  Isn’t that a blatant violation of SC ruling on Aadhar?

I came back to the queue to ask my colleagues if they were submitting their Aadhar to get a connection. A few who I asked nodded their head vigorously and when I explained the SC of India ruling on Aadhar none of them seem to be aware and didn’t care. I went back to my desk and went on Reliance Jio website to check if they were demanding Aadhar. I found no mention of Aadhar , but an address-proof document provided by GoI. Who is violating the norms? Is it the provider or their agents?  I felt concerned about educated millennials turning blind-eye to data privacy and security. While in a rush to get on 4G and showcase their pride, but they seem completely forget their rights to privacy.

If you are one of those making indiscriminate copies of your documents and handing it over to providers and vendors, you need to stop doing it right away and think about your documents reaching the wrong hands. When SC questions the GoI’s ability to handle citizen’s data, why do you think private players will be cautious and liable to protecting your privacy?

Stop! Think and Act.

If you are still no convinced, here is a personal experience on data theft.

A few years ago, I received a call from a collection agent on my mobile. He began the conversation by asking me to verify my name address, date of birth and before proceeding further. Before revealing my details, I asked him to share his name, designation and employer.  I told him that I was not comfortable revealing any of my data over a phone conversation and I was willing to on his screen if he can read it out to me. Taken aback by my response, he tried convincing me to trust him, but I didn't. My name and mobile number matched, but my address did not. He asked me if I had changed my residence recently to which my answer was no, but what he revealed after that got me sweating.

He said I owed the bank 1 Lakh rupees on my credit card and he will send someone over to have it collected in the next few days. I told him that I never carried this card and I had never defaulted on my payments. He refused to believe me and we hung up after a heated argument. For next year, he repeatedly harassed to make payments for a card that I didn’t carry or use. Had I shared my address when he demanded, I would have had him outside my door.

His calls got me thinking… could there be someone with my name, date of birth and mobile number or was it a case of identity theft? Ever since, I’ve been paranoid about my data and privacy.  

Hope you will learn from my horrific experience….

 

Jayalalithaa and Sasikala: An Uncanny Resemblance

Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are....goes the popular saying. While the world is busy speculating the friendship between Jayalalithaa and Sasikala's and weaving conspiracy theories around Jaya's ailing health and firewall Sasi, my friend Vijay came up with fascinating parallels between them and how their lives share uncanny resemblance. This is something Author Vaasanthi hasn't covered in her book Amma: Jayalalithaa's Journey from movie star to political queen.

Both Jaya and Sasi began their lives as unknown people. If MGR changed Jaya's life from an ordinary movie star to a Rajya Sabha member and later controlling the destiny of AIADMK, Jaya changed Sasi's life from a video store owner to a close confidante to owner of Luxe Cinemas. In short, both their lives changed when they met a mega star.

Trust and change doesn't happen overnight. Both Jaya and Sasi develop a strong bond with celebrity, who sways them over. MGR made Jaya his public relations person before handing over the baton to her, and Jaya invites Sasi to live with her, who has eventually turned into a firewall guarding her from the world. This reminds me of the Thamizh proverb, "Yerumbu ora ora kallum karayum".

There were strong pressures from well-wishers and advisers on both sides to break off the association. RM Veerappan admonished MGR to stay away from Jaya and Cho Ramaswamy advised Jaya to throw Sasi out of her house. Well before these people,  Thiruvallur named the 83rd chapter of Thirukural as Kooda Natpu and came up with 10 couplets defining the characteristics of bad friendships.

Though satellites escape gravity, the  relationship between Jaya and MGR and Sasi and Jaya was always under scrutiny and criticism. Larger society questioned the nature of relationship between MGR and Jaya as she tiptoed him from cinema to politics. Similarly, Sasi walked away from her husband without formally taking a divorce and moved in with Jaya. After 25 years of association, both of them exchange garlands 8-years ago on the occasion of  Jaya turning 60 making tongues wag. Both relationships were socially unconventional that always remained mysterious to the public at large and openly criticized by the opposition.

When summer heat takes over, people remind themselves of the soon arriving cooler autumn. Like seasons in nature both MGR and Jaya's relationship saw many springs and autumns. MGR distanced himself many at times from Jaya, the first summer was when he started a party, but again cozied up to her setting aside their differences and making her cynosure of all eyes. A few years ago, Jaya did the same by pushing Sasi and her coterie out of Vedha Illam, but then a few months later she recalled her into her life.

Both Jaya and Sasi are seen as power centers, who influenced decision of the celebrity. Jaya is believed to have instigated MGR after their vacation in Nepal to come out of DMK and start his own party. Sasi and her Mannargudi coterie always made decisions on awarding high value contracts in the state and ensured they received their due share in all major industrial deals.

When their respective leaders were alive, both Jaya and Sasi stayed in their shadow and was never anointed as their successor, though the world looked at them as successors. While the whole state was mesmerized by MGR, he was at Jaya's feet. Now, the whole state is charmed by Amma but she is shaking her head to Sasi.

Finally, when MGR passed away weary Jayalalithaa stood besides draped in white symbolically sending out a message. With MGR's family abusing her to get off the hearse van, Jaya stuck to her position withstood the humiliation because she realized it was a brilliant photo and political opportunity and a stepping stone to the throne. Eventually, she seized control of his party, appointed herself as his successor and earned "Amma" tag for the cadre.

Today, whole of India is waiting to get access to ailing Jayalalithaa and her medical reports, but her dear friend Sasikala remains an impenetrable firewall between Jayalalitha and rest of India. Will she follow the footsteps of Jaya and take over the reins of AIADMK and what will happen to Jaya's wealth is to be seen. 

Two words and lot of emotions…

Investigation and audit are two key words that were thrown around this week at larger public, employees and investors and also used as an iron curtain to keep them in dark.

Both doctors from India and abroad are investigating the health of the Tamil Nadu chief minister Jayalalitha who has been hospitalized for fever and dehydration for the last ten days. Earlier this week, during the first US Presidential debate, Donald Trump was asked to reveal his financial health (tax returns) and Hillary Clinton about the deleted emails. And yesterday, Cognizant’s stock tanked by 10% with the announcement of resignation of President Gordon Coburn over the ongoing investigation by an audit committee.  

 

Opacity erodes credibility

Despite understanding the power of communication to persuade people and work hard to earn trust of investors and employees, Corporates, political leaders and presidential nominees often turn silent and opaque in the time of crisis. They fail to realize how transparency and honesty can work in their favor to prevent media houses from speculating and rumor mills from eroding their hard earned trust and credibility. Don’t you agree?

Open secret

It is a well known secret that Jayalalitha has been seriously unwell since she was released from Parpana Agrahara jail in Bangalore in the disproportionate asset case. In the last 2 years her public appearance diminished and opposition parties constantly questioned her limited presence at Fort St. George. If one were to replay her last public appearance 12 days ago during the inauguration of the Metro train service between Airport and St. Thomas Mount, you will see how pale and sick she appears.

Lack of Reciprocity

Just as Chief Ministers worry about the financial health, physical and emotional well-being of the people in the state, don’t party cadres and general public have the right and responsibility to worry about their leader? While Party cadres and general public have been praying for her speedy recovery by offerings prayers in temples, doctors at Apollo Hospitals without divulging her ailment have repeatedly issued the same statement denying all rumors about CM planning to go overseas for medical treatment.

Limited Communication

Upon Cognizant’s admission of possible corruption to the Securities Exchange Commission and Department of Justice, investors showed their displeasure by going on a selling spree. Soon their CEO sent a bland email communication to his employees announcing the resignation of President Gordon and appointment of a new president without divulging much information about their 8K filing with the SEC. The CEO failed to realize that his employees are equally invested (emotionally and financially) in the organization and need to know the truth and details shared with the market.

Silence Vs. Denial

The true character of a leader comes out only in the time of crisis. Donald’s silence over revealing his taxes filings and Hillary’s denial over using private email for confidential communication has not only eroded their trust, but also put a big question in the minds of American public: Are these leaders are trust worthy to rule our nation?

Misplaced trust

But once they get to the seat of power, they all forget their hard journey and turn a deaf ear to power of communication, reciprocation and blind eye to transparency. And despite their shortcomings, we continue to elect those who evade taxes and commit perjury. We don’t question her health even when public money is spent for medical treatment. We will remain silent over the misdeeds of the organization despite being emotionally and financially invested. It is all misplaced trust.

As employees, followers and investors, will be ever investigate our decisions and audit our conscience? Until then… Corporates will lie to the market and financial analyst to build their credibility to attract capital, client and talent. Political leaders appear look squeaky clean and service minded to get to the seat of power. And Media houses will conduct their trials and give out their verdict.

Bereavement Etiquettes

Death comes unannounced leaving the family in a state of shock. Unlike weddings where you get time to prepare for the occasion and draw up your invitee list, bereavement needs no invites and can bring strangers to your door, which means you not only have to handle your emotions, but also handle their words and actions calmly.

A few days ago, I had to accompany my mother to a condolence. I began to prepare mentally from the day before. I picked out the appropriate clothes to wear and even rehearsed my lines to express my condolences to the bereaved family.

Upon our arrival, what I witnessed looked surreal and made me question if I were in a movie set. The immediate family members were engaged in war of words blaming each other for the death, while people from the outside happily passing judgments on the family as the loved one is still laying dead in the living room. This incident compelled me write a blog to respect the dead.

Here are some pointers if you are attending a funeral/condolence.

1. Find out a convenient time to visit: Funeral and bereavement customs varies across religions and castes, so call up the family and find out when you can visit them and what would be appropriate to carry like flowers, etc. Also, ensure the person you know in the family is around when you visit them.

2. Dress appropriately: At the funeral last week, I saw a lady in her night gown making her way into the house with a big wail. More than her wail, it was her attire that made people in the gathering turn their heads. Find out what is appropriate to wear for certain cultures and religions. Go with Black or White and choose clothes that appropriately respect the somber mood.

3. Replace words with touch and hold: Tears express sorrow and makes heart and mind feel lighter. Not all of us are good with words and if you not the crying type, replace words with proper eye contact; hold the family member’s hand and comfort them with soft a hug.

4. Don’t speak ill of the deceased: He may owe you money or you could have a long standing enmity with him, but this is not to time to display those emotions especially when the family is bereaving. You may not have good things to say about the deceased, but don’t say bad things.

5. Stop being curious: I’ve seen a lot of curious people who want to find out more information about the death and some even hold conversation about their will and advice on the next steps for the family. Until and unless you are going to help them in some way, don’t ask for details or dispense free advice. If at all you need to know some details, ask the secondary family members after introducing yourself and your relationship with the dead or surviving family.

6. Keep your visit brief: Just as you don’t get invited for a funeral, you don’t have to say goodbye to the family at the end. So, keep you visit brief and when you feel you’ve paid respects to the bereaved and expressed your sorrow to the family exit the place. Unless and until you are well known to the family and you have a role to play there, don’t linger around or gossip with know people or strangers. 

7. Learn to express your grief: Death must be equally shocking and sorrowful experience for you and you must find ways to vent your feelings. Some of us use alcohol, while some other use social media to get over our sorrow. If you are one those types, refrain from drinking or sharing your emotions or posting pictures of the diseased or bereaving and instead speak to counselors.

 

Here are some pointers if you are part of the bereaving family.

 

1. Assign roles to close family members and friends: Before you share the news with extended family and friends, make a list of things that need to be done immediately and assign roles and responsibilities to trustworthy individuals who can responsibly execute them on your behalf.  

2. Refrain from posting on social media: Be it Arab Spring Rising or party crashing, social media has it time and uses, but definitely death is not best discussed or disseminated via social media. Your message may be liked by someone (as we don’t have a dislike or bereave option) and you may end up sending an open invitation to the world, while funeral venues may not be able to handle a large crowd.

3. Dress appropriately: As much as your friends and friendly must come in appropriate attire to pay respects to the diseased, it is important that you also dress up appropriately. In one of the funerals, I saw a family member dressed in a tight jean and t-shirt that had a smiley.

4. Don’t wash dirty linen in public: At the recent condolence that I attended, the son-in-law came in drunk and created a ruckus blaming his father-in-law for the death. Shortly, the brother-in-law made a speech accusing his sister and her husband for getting into their family matters. What should be a private affair became a public spat witnessed by many. 

5. Don’t react adversely: As we don't select and send out invites for bereavement, it can bring strangers to our door, which means we not only have to handle our emotions, but also handle their words and actions calmly. You don't have play fiddle like Nero when Rome was burning down, but remain calm and don’t react. If someone in the audience annoys you get someone in the family to take them away or you step away from the scene.

Joker: Unconventional, Ingenious, Brilliant

We live in interesting times, where exercising your freedom of speech, a fundamental constitutional right can land you in a soup. You can be instantly trolled by Bakths and labeled as an “anti-national” and if lucky you may escape a bid on your life and end up behind bars with sedition charges or other false cases. Didn’t we see varying degrees of this in the case of Kanhaiya Kumar, Irom Sharmila, Hardik Patel, Perumal Murugan, Kovan, Piyush Manush and many others in the recent past?

The plot of the movie Joker revolves around how an activist sprouts in our society and how the political system ruthlessly runs over him. The director has used a simple example of building toilets in rural India. The one-line plot may sound unappealing, but against the current political backdrop in the country, the story becomes an interesting script.

Director: Let’s start with Director Raju Murugan. This is his second movie after Cuckoo and he has depicted poverty without making you feel queasy and has used appropriate examples to showcase establishments (Governments and individuals working for them) and how they trespass citizen rights and cut corners to make them look good. Wikipedia says he has got the best out of his cast by making them rehearse 90% of the storyline before putting them in front of the camera.

Cast: This is the 4th movie for the protagonist Guru Somasundaram after his much spoken performance in Aaranya Kandam followed by Paandiya Naadu and Jigarthanda. Guru through his performance has inspired and challenged our stars to choose a meaty role than go for a formula driven scripts. Newcomers Ramya Pandian and Gayathri Krishnaa despite a short screen time in a role devoid of glamour leave a lasting impression as Isai and Malli. This only reiterates what happens when a script chooses the artist more than artist choosing the script and we've repeatedly seen this in early career of movie stars.

Music: Coming to the next portfolio is music, which makes this movie stand on its legs. When I did a bit of research on the music director Sean Roldan, I discovered this is a stage name of Ragavendra, son of Srimushnam Raja Rao (Mridhangist) and Padma, the daughter of famous novelist Sandilyan. He has beautifully brought out pathos in the song Ola Ola Kudisayile, created a lilting lullaby Chellamma with folk tunes from south and north and brought out essence of a Gana in the song Jasmine. He has used folk artist and unknown singers from Dharmapuri to croon and probably this may be the only movie these many new artists have been used for the first time in the movie. Ennga Sir Unga Sattam reminds songs from the 50s. Hadn’t Anirudh backed out of this project, we wouldn’t have discovered the brilliance in Sean Roldan and also new artist featured in the album.

Lyricists: Yugabarathy with over 1000 compositions to his credit is not new to Tamil Film Industry and he has penned numerous hits in his decade long career. Despite so many movies having come with a rural backdrop and many of the lyricists romanticized rural India and its characters there, but still Yugabarathy has managed to bring out uncaptured beauty in his lyrics. The Jasmine song is a great example where he romanticizes the heroin looking at the fungal mark (themal) in her neck and cracks in her feet (pithavadi) and equates her wink to the massage one gets at Hoggenakal. He captures the small pleasures and anguish in storing each other number on their mobile phones to enticing the heroine by promising to place flex banner outside their wedding. Very realistic and at the same time original and imaginative.

Lyricist Ramesh Vaidya must also be credited for penning down the Chellamma song that expresses the longing in the heart of the heroin and how dearly she loves him. Usage of Hindi lyrics in between brings in a different flavor, which is in describable.

Chinnathu manne yen ponne (mud described as gold)

Seravaattu kaasa yen rosa (precious pennies earned from selling dried leaves)

Selavaagi pogaathe (don’t spend yourself)

Chellammaa chellammaa

One can feel the rustic flavors in his lyrics and we are reminded of Vairamuthu’s lyrics in Karuthamma.

Overall: Despite the director using a song to establish the unconventional hero and his fight early on in the movie, we fail to get a grip of his narration until intermission. In the second half the director moves quickly to narrate the conflict and also resolves it. When combined with dialogues oozing of satire, brilliance in acting, lilting music and rustic lyrics it leaves audience and critics speechless and keeps the movie hall full even two weeks after its release.

Sans any marketing fanfare like Kabali (Cut out, airplane, Palaabishegam), this movie has been successful in the box office. Moreover, they've used an ingenious marketing tactic to fight privacy and get to support the movie plot. Soon this movie will be remade in Hindi and Telugu and will win many more hearts across India and bring about much needed change in the nation; which is more precious than awards.

 

How to help friends and family heal faster

For time-to-time we come across friends or members in our extended family facing health issues and go through the ordeal of hospitalization, surgery and recovery. In the process of reaching out to them we often forget to mind our words and actions which in turn can hurt them and leave them offended. Here are some pointers to ensure that your words and actions give comfort and bear value.

Beware of word of mouth: We rarely hear directly from the horse’s mouth about the illness or ailment and mostly it is neighbors or relatives who bring us the grave news. So, when you decide to call the family to enquire about their health, never bring up the name of the person who shared the news with you. This not only exposes your network, but also erodes the trust you’ve earned. Moreover, you may never know the equation between the two and you don’t want to be seen as a broadcasting service. So, protect your source, if you need to be trusted.

Check before you visit: For some visiting the patient in the hospital is a check in the box item, while for some it is more important due to the emotional bond we share with the person or the family. Nevertheless, call up the family and check if visitors are allowed and if the patient is in a frame of mind to entertain visitors. Also find out what you can bring for the patient rather than showing up with flowers, fruits or health drinks. Importantly, keep your visits short and don’t visit if you are coming down with an infection or recovering from one. 

Don’t be inquisitive: Unless the person is willing to share their medical history, findings and treatment details, don’t try pry or acting like a medical professional. Instead focus on how you can be of help to the person and family during the rough patch. You never know in which phase (denial, acceptance, etc.) they are in and your questions, suggestions, false hopes and advice can slow down their progress.

Look before you leap: For some of us hospital visits may be mere courtesy calls, nothing wrong about that, while for some who are willing to stay invested there is a lot you can offer. From cooking and delivering meals to the family, making trips to the grocery store, driving kids to school to attending to the patient at the hospital there are a variety of responsibilities that you can sign-up for. But before you sign up for responsibilities ask yourself if you have the time and bandwidth because it doesn’t look good to abandon half-way or back out after committing.

Give no advices or make no comparisons: When visiting a patient it is good to enquire about their health, but refrain from talking too much about their ailment or making references to others who’ve gone through the same ordeal or giving unsolicited advices. Share fond memories and take some old pictures to rekindle halcyon days or carry books and music they may like. Ensure what you say or share doesn't make the patient anxious or leave them exhausted.

Be tight lipped: Out of sympathy and empathy it is easy for us to share or discuss the medical condition/progress/treatment with friends and family. But you may never know how you words and intentions get interpreted and re-communicated. Many at times, people are careless and may drop names and share information that may find its way back to the patient and their family. So, refrain from broadcasting or discussing any medical details that may have been shared with you in confidence.

Doesn't matter even if you don't visit the patient to show your support to the family, but ensure you don't hurt them with your careless behavior.