Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Joker: Unconventional, Ingenious, Brilliant
Thursday, August 11, 2016
How to help friends and family heal faster
For time-to-time we come across friends or members in our extended family facing health issues and go through the ordeal of hospitalization, surgery and recovery. In the process of reaching out to them we often forget to mind our words and actions which in turn can hurt them and leave them offended. Here are some pointers to ensure that your words and actions give comfort and bear value.
Beware of word of mouth: We rarely hear directly from the horse’s mouth about the illness or ailment and mostly it is neighbors or relatives who bring us the grave news. So, when you decide to call the family to enquire about their health, never bring up the name of the person who shared the news with you. This not only exposes your network, but also erodes the trust you’ve earned. Moreover, you may never know the equation between the two and you don’t want to be seen as a broadcasting service. So, protect your source, if you need to be trusted.
Check before you visit: For some visiting the patient in the hospital is a check in the box item, while for some it is more important due to the emotional bond we share with the person or the family. Nevertheless, call up the family and check if visitors are allowed and if the patient is in a frame of mind to entertain visitors. Also find out what you can bring for the patient rather than showing up with flowers, fruits or health drinks. Importantly, keep your visits short and don’t visit if you are coming down with an infection or recovering from one.
Don’t be inquisitive: Unless the person is willing to share their medical history, findings and treatment details, don’t try pry or acting like a medical professional. Instead focus on how you can be of help to the person and family during the rough patch. You never know in which phase (denial, acceptance, etc.) they are in and your questions, suggestions, false hopes and advice can slow down their progress.
Look before you leap: For some of us hospital visits may be mere courtesy calls, nothing wrong about that, while for some who are willing to stay invested there is a lot you can offer. From cooking and delivering meals to the family, making trips to the grocery store, driving kids to school to attending to the patient at the hospital there are a variety of responsibilities that you can sign-up for. But before you sign up for responsibilities ask yourself if you have the time and bandwidth because it doesn’t look good to abandon half-way or back out after committing.
Give no advices or make no comparisons: When visiting a patient it is good to enquire about their health, but refrain from talking too much about their ailment or making references to others who’ve gone through the same ordeal or giving unsolicited advices. Share fond memories and take some old pictures to rekindle halcyon days or carry books and music they may like. Ensure what you say or share doesn't make the patient anxious or leave them exhausted.
Be tight lipped: Out of sympathy and empathy it is easy for us to share or discuss the medical condition/progress/treatment with friends and family. But you may never know how you words and intentions get interpreted and re-communicated. Many at times, people are careless and may drop names and share information that may find its way back to the patient and their family. So, refrain from broadcasting or discussing any medical details that may have been shared with you in confidence.
Doesn't matter even if you don't visit the patient to show your support to the family, but ensure you don't hurt them with your careless behavior.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
A spooky ride
It was two minutes past eight and just as I entered Mandaveli station I heard the train honk and accelerate. I didn’t curse my luck instead calmly took the escalator trying to avoid the boisterous crowd descending the stairs. As I entered my eyes swept the length and breadth of the platform looking for the usual faces that traveled with me every morning. Surprisingly, I found none of them. May be there were lucky to get on the earlier train?
With 10 more minutes for the next train to arrive, I dragged the iron bench to the shade and fished out my pocket to catch up on the morning twitter trolls on my mobile. A few trolls later arrived the next train that looked pretty much empty. Could it be my good luck or did they increase frequency of the morning trains? I boarded the partially empty train where I found a few empty seats, some in the aisle and some by the window.
I settled for an aisle seat and got back to reading trolls from Bakths. Before I realized, the train zipped through Kotturpuram travelled over Adyar River and rushed along OMR from Madhya Kailash and entered Thiruvanmiyur station, the beginning of the IT corridor. I exited the station looking for the next mode of transportation to do the last 8 kms of my daily triathlon.
The Tidel Park junction is both dangerous and annoying. Dangerous because there is no foot over bridge for pedestrians and annoying because the duration of the green light for traffic that proceeds from Tidel Park towards Thiruvanmiyur is 5 minutes. And when it turned green the pedestrian movement resembled the masaimara migration bringing all types of vehicles from cycles, motorbikes, autos, cars to busses to a screeching halt.
Today, I sprinted through the intersection before the light turned green. The feeling of winning the race against time didn’t last long as there were no busses waiting at the other end to ferry me to work. After a few minutes of waiting I settled in for a share auto and occupied the window seat to enjoy the cool breeze, but spooky surprise sat on my left ruining my journey.
A middle aged woman wished me from the outside, boarded the auto, sat beside me and started to make a conversation. I didn’t remember seeing this woman before and was taken aback when she started to ask me personal questions. I gave her half-hearted replies to dissuade her from asking further questions.
She didn’t carry an identity card nor did she introduce herself. With a few more passengers getting in the auto, she moved closer towards me. Her questions and gestures made me suspicious and I wondered if she is a transgender trying to get some attention. I scanned her from head to toe to confirm my suspicion. These days many transgender people carry themselves so well and are even better dressed than average women.
Soon her interrogation started to focus on my professional side: who I worked for and what time I left work in the evening. This made me even more suspicious left me wondering why am I being targeting this woman. Could she be a police officer in mufti? Or a biscuit bandit?
I was really uncomfortable with the inquisitive stranger beside me and protected my identity by giving fake monosyllabic responses to her questions. Quickly securing my identity and belongings, I logged on to Whatspp to read a text from a friend in US who asked me to YouTube Michella Obama’s speech at the Democratic Convention in Philadelphia.
Sensing that I was in no mood to entertain her questions she started to share personal information and then went to talk about extending the MRTS service to Mahabalipuram. Is she being chased or followed by someone and is she trying to get friendly to escape him? Or is she a drug mule trying to offload stuff to me? I stayed focused on searching Michelle Obama’s video supporting the democratic woman presidential candidate who broke federal rules and used personal email and server for official and confidential communication.
As the auto neared my destination I fished for change in my wallet and once again she asked me the fare to my destination. Annoyed with her question, I politely asked her to check with the driver. I disembarked the auto with a sigh and relief, but then the woman started to follow me to work. I was ready to confront her on her identity and why she was tagging behind me, but then I decided to walk faster than usual to escape another volley of questions.
I went through the baggage screening and quickly jumped into an elevator that was going down, but then as the elevator reached the ground level and the doors opened she was standing there.
I was afraid she might get a hint of where I sat, so I alighted a few floors before my destination and took the stairs. I have never been followed by a woman this close and what started as a crowd-free ride on the train today quickly turned out to be a spooky auto ride.
Once I settled in my seat, I Whatsapped my friend on how some ordinary women in the next seat on a public transport can get conversant with strangers and voluntarily seek and share personal information putting lives at risk.

