In a passing conversation my friend mentioned about meeting his classmates from school over the weekend and I felt weird and estranged. Another friend of mine fished for his classmates from college on popular networking sites such as Facebook and Orkut. And finally the last guy talked about running into his classmates from Medical school at Delhi Airport. Earlier in the week an email was followed by a phone call from my University in US. They wanted my help in getting together alumnus of URI for a for a reunion party in Mumbai in November 09. My facial expression was contorted upon hearing the planned and unplanned reunions both from friends and from my college. To me anything from the past is a landmine.
Why would many go to reunions? Why would some search for their classmates online? Why would someone even talk when they run into their classmates? I have no positive answers to the above questions and but I have my logic to stay away from high school horror stories.
My school days were traumatic – growing up with a weird feeling inside. I was a target of bully, and often an object of ridicule. Was it because I was smart and caught in their vortex of jealousy? Or was it because I was dumb caught in their trap of derision? You should ask those wicked souls.
I am still trying to understand my tormenting school days – it is really puzzling. The happiest period in a child’s life turned nightmare and I always wanted to grow up asap and get out of this prison called “school”. No fond memories…whatsoever!
I hoped for a fresh lease of life as I opened a new chapter in my book of life. I didn’t want to meet anyone from my school. But the emotional scars from childhood turned me into a bookworm and killed the spirit and joy of college life. I spent 4 years in the company of books, music and a friend. I remember my heat transfer and mass transfer equations more than spirited parties and college tamasha.
Are reunions supposed to be happy, nostalgic and cozy?
When I first joined Facebook earlier this year, the site ran algorithms from my personal data that I shared and pulled up the list of alumni from both my school and college. The novelty of Facebook made me connect with a few, but then I realized that we had nothing in common but the distant past which I am still working to come to terms with. Most of them were in cushy jobs, excelled in their profession and personal life was no short of success, they were married with kids, driving expensive cars, and I had nothing in common with them.
All the lost years didn’t take us anywhere. After a few conversations we were still strangers and we couldn’t relate then and now. I finally ditched the idea of befriending strangers from my school and college. I deleted them from my list without a second thought and sympathy. Even virtual reunions failed! May be we were better off being disconnected.
When I walked into my new job this year I remembered I had a classmate from school working for the same company. We were bench mates and we got yelled at by our Math and Chemistry teachers. I wanted to share my specs of nostalgia over a cup of coffee with him and feel proud how far we’ve travelled in life. I was in a double mind if I should get in touch with him and talk about our illustrious past, but finally I gave in. I expected him to be the same bench mate, but this time in my life. We had one great conversation, and then he invited me to his house for his second kid’s birthday. I knew I would feel out of place, I never had any baby anecdotes to share and I would be looked upon like an alien. After the first meeting, I never get a call back from him. I tried reaching him a few times, and I am waiting to hear from him.
I realized over the years we’ve all grown apart and there is nothing in common to discuss even after so many years separation. Our lifestyles were different, our hobbies were as far apart as desert and mountain, they were all caught up in changing diapers, chauffeuring in-laws, and scheduling immunization shots for their babies. I can understand the responsibilities and vagaries of married life, but neither can I complain, sympathize nor participate. I felt we were opposite vertices of a triangle.
The reunion thingy has never worked for me. “Friends reunited” is sadly an oxymoron. Some of them wanted to scratch me and assay below the surface. Some want to autopsy my life, rate my success and happiness, but I could not let anyone do that to me. I’m not the kind who would assess their happiness, success and compare to make myself feel better. More often I was sad after these reunion meetings.
There is no common denominator to crib and laugh, but more reasons to feel sad, old and incoherent. What is the use of such reunions when two people feel disconnected and discordant?
Are we looking to validate our unlived life at reunions? Do you want our friends to appreciate and recognize our lives, achievements and our lifestyle? Reunions seem to work for people who’ve done extremely well for themselves and for them it is flaunting their success, wealth, but for the ones who’ve not made it to top, reunions are sore spot and report cards that show their failed life.
I have the power to see, sift and choose my friends. And today I feel it is much easier to make new friends than searching for ones lost in the past. It is easier to find someone who will fit your soul, life and the present you.
Is it just me or are there many out there who feel the same?
