The Last Journey

A few years ago my friend’s mother was in terminal stages of cancer. She was at home and bed ridden, sometimes my friend and his father would force her to get on a wheel chair and bring her to the balcony for a whiff of fresh air. Scores of relatives and friends dropped in and left but her constant companions were pain, 30 kg oxygen cylinder and a helper (not a qualified nurse).
She was frail and there was little muscle surrounding the bones and her skin had become tender and developed sores because she stayed in the bed all day and night. She was partially conscious, her hearing was fine but she chose to communicate through hand gestures, eye movements and occasionally used her vocal chords when the pain was unbearable.

My friend and his father were the only two male members in the family and cancer and its side effects were threateningly new to them. It was emotionally consuming to clean and dress the sores and they helplessly watch them grow bigger in size. With no counseling or education it was not a pleasant experience.

All visitors brought sympathy (no prescription needed) apart from Horlicks and oranges, and a few even offered to send cooked meals on a regular basis. Since it was a losing battle, the oncologist would show up occasionally and they only medication was pain killers. A family physician would show up every other day and give her a shot of the pain killer. But none of the doctors spent time with the care givers or the patient.

My friend’s family is just one sample in the population. There are many out there fighting such battles. This battle is not to be won, but to let the loved one pass away in peace and dignity. It is an uphill task for the care givers to go through the experience with the patient without actually playing a host to the disease. Traumas are also memories – would you dispute on that?
Another friend’s mother suffers from Alzheimer’s which is less threatening, but still the immediate family around the patient needs education and training on handling the patient, understanding and attending to her needs. Often care givers misread the effect of illness as tantrum and sometimes don’t pick the signs of other diseases and promptly display their temper and ignorance. Not everyone can be Florence Nightingale and it takes enormous patience, understanding, education, awareness, and agility to serve.

In India, after we bequeath our father and mother with "grandparent" title, we spend very little time observing them, attending to their medical needs and take them for regular health check-ups. Nobody even knows their blood group until they get admitted for some life threatening illness. We lack awareness of old age related diseases and fail to spot them early and give medical care. I had heard about old age diseases like Dementia, Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons, and fail to observe the same in my great grandmother. I realized the effects of dementia when I saw an elderly gentleman in my neighborhood hosting the disease. I know such neurological diseases are not curable, but awareness and education can definitely help the family understand and attend to the patient and community help the family.

None of these people are qualified care givers, they don’t know much about the disease and its side effects. They don’t know the subsequent stages in the disease life cycle, they are not trained to understand and attend to the needs of the patient. Often we don’t appreciate having a nurse or a qualified help and feel guilty about outsourcing responsibilities. Not everyone has all it takes to be a care giver.

In the west, awareness levels are high, support groups for patients and families share experiences and empathize, debriefing sessions are available for caregivers and hospices (literally unknown in India) are available for the last journey. We all know that death is inevitable, but when it is imminent and when the date is fixed we can make the journey less painful to the patient, care givers and the family. Even NY Times ran a story on caring for care givers - http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/health/21chen.html?hpw=&pagewanted=all

Can we all do something about it?

Satyam fiasco - One year anniversary

No bombs were dropped, no guns fired, armies were not sent to combat, capture and imprison, but a mere confession made 50,000 lives and their families sleepless, anxious, and brought them to street. Some blamed the CEO, same blamed the Government, some blamed the corrupt politicians, some blamed their bosses, and finally some blamed their fate. But justice seems elusive. Wounds have not fully healed, tear glands are empty while brains are low on dopamine and for many recovery is still faraway destination. Satyam ran the 108 service for public, but when it came to employees emergency there was no 108.

Today is the first anniversary of Satyam fiasco and only 50% of the original head count (28,000) have survived and remain with the company. Some of those who left today are in better jobs; some of them took a pay cut and joined organizations one level below, while many are still unemployed waiting for the market to pick up. Some of them postponed their marriage plans, some postponed their babies, and many of them reinvented themselves for no fault of theirs. If the rest of world went through one recession and economic downturn, Satyamites had a double bonus – recession+ fiasco.

We were shocked when employees were asked to leave against their will. This is like your father asking you to leave the house one morning because he thinks you are an overhead.It was even suprising the way IT companies and HR teams behaved with those Satyam employees seeking employment. I can only compare this with robbery and rape that happened post Katrina in New Orleans. For those who continued to work at Satyam, it is step motherly treatment.

Not everyone gets a chance in life to experience or face this kind of situation. May be we can put on our resume "Satyam Survivors". Not for sympathy, but as a sign of courage and endurance.

On a lighter note, my mother has learnt to read scrips, move her eyes fast to catch the scrolling news and now watches CNBC and NDTV profit. Necessity is the mother of invention or adversity brings the best in people?

A year has gone by and there is still no balance sheet, auditors are still excavating, exploring and discovering the ruins.
365 days have gone by and the accused is still out in the hospital for treatment.
8760 hours have gone by and truth is locked in a dark room protected by Investigation agency and judiciary.

Lessons:
Doesn't matter if you are a star performer or you have the right skill sets or your are from an ivy league or you have been loyal, but when the employer decides, you have no choice but to leave.
Satyam crisis has exposed that employer loyalty exisit only on paper and is rarer than rare elements in the periodic table.
Always have a plan B, in IT parlance "BCP".
You can commit a heinous crime in India and you can still be out.
Bottom line nothing is guaranteed in life. Even for the crime you commit punishment is not guaranteed.

Satyam - What public demands - JUSTICE!

My 2009....

Wow….looking back at 2009…it was an amazing year, lot of journeys both inward and outward, and interesting experiences to cherish for a lifetime. There were moments of cheer, moments of tear, moments of fear and finally some defining moments. I am proud to peel layers and share them with honesty and humility.

Like teachers who pointed fingers at me and posed me with difficult questions, many at times life posed me with such challenging situations. I was the same then and now…blink…blink..
Let us start with travel….

2009 was the year of travel…I started the year in Bali, Indonesia and ended the year in my home in Chennai. Now I know every train stop between Chennai and Bangalore. I did some spiritual meanderings – Sabarimala, Guruvayoor, Tiruvannamalai, Ujjain, Kancheepuram, Trivandrum, Thanjavur, Ashtavinayak, Mysore, and Mathura/Vrindavan. Wish I could redeem the miles on me for something…!

My job was on the path of axe and I was faced with a tough choice between health insurance, EMIs and food and before I was forced to make a choice I was lucky to have my next job. But that is not the case with many. So many thousands lost their jobs, homes, cars and finally had to choose between food and health insurance. I am thankful that I have both now.

Next coming to what I bought in 2009….wow I am a spendthrift and a shopaholic. I had to engage in retail therapy to handle the stress from my precarious job situation. I bought a lot of clothes this year and some of them are still sitting in my closet and inviting me to try them, 3 new pairs of shoes waiting to be worn. I got a lot of music albums and some of them are still unheard and 2 dozen books crying for my perusal and the night on my chest. Is it a sign of abundance or greed?

Not wrapped in shawls or stoles, Chennai is never that cold anyways, my gang went concert hall hopping in December. Music concerts with Ramji and Narashiman are a delight and the gossip we exchange on a piece of paper during the concerts will be preserved and made into a book. From fantasy to frivolous things we discuss everything. These are simple pleasures of life.

I must have watched close to 30 movies in the Cinema halls. Infact my earlier boss made a comment, “If Chandra is not found at Satyam, you can find him at Sathyam”. The former is where I worked and the latter is a cinema hall. Apart from regular cinemas I also attended a few film festivals in the city. I watched every episode of Sex and the City multiple times. Is it an accomplishment? Grin…Grin..Grin..

I joined Facebook for the first time and I quit and again rejoined. Finally I discovered it a waste of time. There is no use in discovering friends and lost colleagues when there is no common interest and purpose. A few deep friendships were better than a few thousands on Facebook. I also discovered that an email was much more personal than a face book scrap though a hand written letter was best. May be this was the mid 30s syndrome?

My father fell ill again and we decided to do everything medically and scientifically possible to treat his recurrent VT. Top notch cardiologist worked on his heart and repaired it. Science and Medicine gave him longevity, but none could predict if VT would recur. Such is life and death, none can predict, promise or guarantee. Destiny stands beyond the boundaries of science.

My nephew spent almost 4 months with us. The little kid (will soon turn 3)taught me what it is be a child at heart, what it is to cover yourself with a blanket of peace, and finally what it is to wake up with twinkle in your eyes and a smile on your lips. He carries nothing from the previous day and every day is a new beginning.

I am really not sure why some people continue to send me birthday cards and New Year cards year after year without fail. Kevin sends me a Christmas card every year and there is never a birthday without Mark’s card. And every time I get an email from Dr. Sink, my heart smiles and my eyes open up. He is my "Morrie". 7 years have rolled by since I moved back from America and I have lost most of my hair and the remaining are almost grey, but for some age, appearance and distance doesn’t seem to matter for some.

As I sit back stare and analyze the year that has gone by…I realize my challenges, shortcomings, negatives, and finally a few positives. 2009 is also the year when I realized that I am growing old and there will be a time when l will have to live without my parents, friends and lifelines. Am I comfortable with the thought? I am not sure and I am still trying to find an answer.

I had my own challenges building, nurturing and growing relationships. Some sprouted with very less work, and some required lot of care and attention. While some with all care still saw death. May be it was all karmic? That is an easy way to take responsibility off my shoulder, but what about those relationships that I have killed without watering and nurturing? Or those that I have mercilessly judged and displayed my impatience to bring on “The end” slide. Beyond my idiocy and eccentricities I still have a few good friends and I am going to work hard to retain them and ask forgiveness to the ones that I have lost.

I didn’t save a penny in 2009 beyond my basic tax planning. You know how I spent it all. I was lavish only when it came to spending money, when it came to expending calories… I was a miser. I wanted to lose 5-7 kilos but I ended up losing zilch. May be I should try to get on a crash diet or find ways to burn more calories and consume less.

All said and done I was spotted in the gym and was invited to do a role in a documentary. Yes, I made my first camera appearance with one of the well known and accomplished Cinematographer/Director.

A cancelled holiday is like a failed relationship. Suddenly my life seemed so empty, dry, unhappy, and deserted. There I was available with unrealized dreams and unfulfilled desires, and with no back-up plans. Any takers? Everyone seems to have a plan for the holiday season and I am not able to fit into anyone’s’ plans. As always I am the puzzle that is never a part of any whole. Is it miserable to spend time in your bed, with yourself, wander, clean up your mess at home and explore the city where you grew up? Can anyone share the coordinates of happiness? Email address, mobile number or Face book link is fine too.

All through the year there are a few things helped me retain my sanity. When I was down it was music, when I was alone it was books, when I was low it was yoga, when I wanted to boost my self esteem it was gym and finally spirituality to bring my disjoint pieces together.

So what do you think of my year? Was it enjoyable? Was it sad? Was it insipid?

2010 is already here and as always I am late with my resolutions and I have already broken some of them.

I have had very less opportunity to teach myself a new skill or tool in 2009. I have already registered myself for Landmark Forum at Chennai in 2010. Hopefully I will attend the program and not chicken out.

I have set myself with a goal of living simple and saving more. My bank balance today is 150 Rs and thank god for helping me cancel my vacation in Turkey. Blessing in disguise!

I have understood that life comes with no guarantee and I would rather express my love, sorrow, gratitude today than wait for tomorrow. I am not trying to be impulsive and critical but rather receptive and open.

I will carefully grow relationships with patience and not judge people for what they are and they are not. I still have not called a friend with whom I had skirmish. New Year wish would be a good excuse to call. Habits die hard!

I hope to blog atleast once a week. I will write on my challenges, my progress, and my achievements (if any) with humility.

Come back and check out if I have made any progress on my resolutions or am I back to my excuses.

I wish you all a wonderful 2010 filled with prosperity, peace, good health and happiness.