In the Corridors of Music Academy

Waiting for the next concert to start, my friend and I sauntered the corridors of Music Academy. A lot of dust had settled over the pictures of Sangita Kalanidhis’. We curiously starred at their pictures and made a few observations here and there (connected dots and analyzed for patterns, if any).

For me it may be a statistical exercise, but for every performing musician, it is a dream to take home this coveted title. Every musician wants to increase their chances of winning the title. We have seen sisters and brothers suddenly appear in the scene, some move into Chennai, some change their gurus, and some move from being an instrumentalist to a vocalist. What is driving their moves? Is it the science of statistics? Is there a winning formula for Sangita Kalanidhi?

1. Sangita Kalanidhi was institutionalized in 1929 (No award was given in 1967 and 1975).
2. In the 92 years, 90 awards were given out. Vocalists (36+) have won more than instrumentalist (26), composers (7), dancer (1), etc.
3. Statistics: 33% vocalist, 26% instrumentalist (20% violinist, 7% Mridangam, 3% rest)
4. Amongst instruments: Violin tops the SK awards, followed by Mridangam, Veena and flute. Nadhaswaram and Clarinet have won only once.
5. 1929 was the first time SK was given out and it was awarded to three musicologists.
6. Harikatha was awarded SK twice and after 1940 no Harikatha artist has been awarded with SK.
7. T. Balasaraswathi was the only Barathanatyam artist to be honored with the tile.
8. Composers like Ponniah Pillai, Mysore Vasdevacharya, Kalladaikuruchi Vedanta Bagavathar, Harikeshanallur Muttiah Bagavathar, Papanasam Sivan, R Anantakrishna Sarma were awarded with SK.

Women and SK:

• MS was the first woman artist to be honored (1968) with Sangita Kalanidhi followed by DK Pattammal, and later ML Vasanthakumari.
• In 43 years only 9 awards were given to women since MS Subbalakshmi was honored in 1968.
• The only time successive titles went to women was in 1976 and 1977 (T. Brinda and ML Vasanthakumari).

SK in DNA:

• It was Dhannammal’s family that took home the title maximum number of times:  T. Balasarswati, T.Brinda and T.Viswanathan and was followed by DK Pattammal and DK Jayaraman.
• The only father and son to take home Sangita Kalanidhi is Maharajapuram Viswanatha Iyer and Maharajapuram Santhanam
• The uncle and nephew combo to take home SK is Madurai Mani Iyer and TV Shankaranarayanan.

Duos and SK:

• Only 3 duos have won in 90 years. If you are duo then there are 3.33% chances of you winning the title.
• Though Sikkil Sisters and Bombay Sisters took home the title together, Alathur Brothers (though not biological brothers) took home the title subsequent years.

Instrumentalist and SK:

• After a gap of 43 years (Tirupampuram N. Swaminatha Pillai was awarded in 1953) SK was awarded to a flautist, T. Ramani (1996) and was followed by Sikkil Sisters (2002).
• Sheik Chinna Moulana, Nadhaswaram vidwan and AK Natarajan, Clarinet vidwan were the only ones to be awarded with SK in their genre.

Schools and SK:

• Musuri School of Music took home the maximum SK awards: Musuri Subramania Iyer, Mani Krishnaswamy, TK Govinda Rao, Bombay Sisters. Let us not forget that Musiri’s guru TS Sabesha Iyer was the first recipient of SK. (guru, parama guru, paramartha guru)
• Harikeshanallur Mutthaih Bagavathar school takes the second spot. Mutthiah Bagavathar was a SK awardee, followed by Madurai Mani Iyer and TV Shankaranarayanan.

Out of State Awardees:

SK awards have also gone to people outside of Tamil Nadu and definitely Music Academy didn’t seem to face Mullaiperiyar, Kaveri or Krishna situation. Who knows what happened behind the curtains?

Andhra has taken home the title 6 times, while Karnataka and Kerala 4 time each.

• Mysore Vasudeacharya was the first recipient (1935) from Karnataka and was followed by T. Chowdiah in 1957, Mysore Doraiswamy Iyengar in 1984 and RK Srikantan in 1995.
• Dwaram Venkataswamy Naidu (1941) was the first recipient from Andhra followed by Chittoor Subramany Pillai (1954), Rallapalli Anatakrishna Sarma(1974), M. Balamurali Krishna (1978), Sripada Pinakapani (1983) and Nedunuri Krishnamurthy (1991).
• Chembai Vaidhyanatha Bagavathar (1951) was the first recipient from Kerala followed by Palaghat Mani Iyer(1965) , KV Narayanaswami Iyer (1986), and Palghat Raghu (2007)

Who in the current list of musicians can make the statistics interesting?

• If Trichur V Ramachandran and Sudha Raghunathan earn SK, then GNB school and Musuri school will go in for a tie.
• Nithyasri Mahadevan is the only artists to have both side grandparents win SK title. If Nithyasri Mahadevan wins SK title, then DKP family will tie with Dhanammal family for taking home maximum titles.
• If someone from Maharajapuram family (Ramachandran, Nagarajan, grandson Ganesh) wins the title then they set a new record for three or four subsequent generations to take home the title.

While we could not answer why Lalgudi Jayaraman, Chitti Babu, Gottuvadyam Narayana Iyengar, Veenai Balachandar, and other doyens never found a place in the corridors of Music Academy? Is it because they wanted to be away from the corridors of controversy and not accumulate dust or be a part of our analysis and paralysis?

On a lighter note, should we ask Anna Hazare to include the awardee selection process in Lokpal? May be opposition will bring reservation (gender, caste, religious minority) in Music Academy and SK ?

Jungle Safari 101: At Nature’s lap in Kabini

Many of us have grown up in urban jungles with our knowledge of wildlife and jungle restricted to local Zoo, National Geographic and Discovery Channels. With our metros vertically expanding and urbanization making its way into tier two and tier three cities, wilderness, natural resources (rivers) and wildlife are further getting decimated (not just consumed) at an alarming rate. Sad but true, neither those living in the cities are healthy nor the wildlife living in the forest let to live healthy. Human greed for forest land and animal products (meat, skins, etc) is justified by Darwinist as “survival of the fittest”, an easy way to make animals responsible for our crimes.

I decided to put my city life on hold and booked myself on a two day trip to Kabini to check out what is left in the jungle. Kabini was once a hunting hotspot for the Royal Family of Mysore and British and over the period the Government of India has taken it under their supervision for conservation and protection of wildlife. Now, Kabini is considered to be one of the best wildlife sanctuaries in Karnataka, famous for its spectacular wildlife and bird life.

November through January is the annual mating season for many of the mammals and birds in the jungle and it seems so uncomplicated (Their mating aren’t planned to match the school admission season and there is no family planning since survival rates are pretty low in the jungle). There is no question of marraige for mating in the animal kingdom and mating is purely decided based on the showmanship of the male.

The monsoon had ended a month ago and the entire forest was dressed in shades of green. The only bald portion that resembled my head was those left by the jeep tires.

I chatted with Afsar, 35, a senior naturalist, during my two day stay at Kabini River Lodge. Afsar is from Kabini and has been with Kabini River Lodge for over 20 years. He speaks the language of the jungle and his respect for wild life and wilderness turns you speechless. His bird and animal calls get responses and also gets them aroused. During one of the trips, Afsar imitated the mating call of Gaur and Sambar Deer and sent the males running behind the female and sniffing her urine.

Here are some pearls of wisdom shared by Afsar during our interaction on the Safari. Here is the link to the Picasa album https://picasaweb.google.com/108289564546757100555/Kabini%20authkey=Gv1sRgCNu5j6WowfXp_wE

But visit the pics after you read the text.

Turn on your olfactory nerves: The fresh supply of oxygen and the smell of herbs in the forest can overwhelm your lungs and make you feel disoriented, but don’t shy away from sniffing the environment. Elephants put their trunk out to sniff the air around for food and danger, and so do Snakes with their forked tongue to collect the scent and process scent through Jacobson’s organ. You don’t need a trunk or a forked tongue to sniff, but just attention to the air around you. Look out for the distinct smell of elephant dung, strong smell emanating from the civet cat’s scat, smell of must in the air; this is enough to tell you what is around.  

Plug your ears into nature: Leave those ear buds from iPhones and media players behind and plug your ears into nature. Listen to the calls of birds and monkey that sit on tree tops. With their binocular and panoramic vision they track the movement of predators in the jungle. Their shrill calls either convey the arrival of a predator or announce the end of struggle between the prey and the predator. These guys do the role of informants without any expectations or salary. Mammals mating calls can often sound like bird calls, and only with experience can one differentiate one from the other.

So, who is watching?  This can be the easiest and the most difficult question to answer. To the entire city bred, so much of greenery can turn you color blind and take away your attention span. There is so much of drama happening everywhere in the jungle, so never take your eyes of the forest even for a minute. While you think there is no wildlife, there is certainly someone on the treetop and someone lurking behind the bushes watching you.

On the Ground: If you look down from the vehicle you can find foot marks of members from the Cat family (Tigers and Leopards) and other large mammals like Elephants, Gaurs, etc. It is an interesting experience to analyze the footprints, but following the trail can often lead you to the predator and can be very dangerous. Sometimes you can also spot snakes and other reptiles crawling their way to termite mounds.

At the eye-level: It is easy to open your aperture at the eye-level and capture all the jungle drama. Deers, Monkeys, Wild Boars, etc. can be easily spotted since they are at the bottom of the forest pyramid. Often the species at the bottom of the pyramid are herbivorous and peacefully co-exist. While as you move higher in the pyramid the species hunt each other for hunger and survival.

Action on tree tops: Apart from regular birds such as Parrots, Wood Peckers, King Fisher, sometimes you can spot birds of prey such as Vulture, Serpent Eagle, Brahmini Kites, apart from Leopards waiting for their prey on tree-tops.  Afsar has captured a picture of two Leopards in-action on the tree top (I called his picture wildlife pornography and not photography!). So watch out for action tree-tops.

Other action spots: Depending on the season the action spots keep changing. Bamboo forests invites elephants and tuskers post monsoon, while the vegetation near the water bodies invite Deers, Elephants and other herbivores closer to summer. Waterholes bring the species in the forest pyramid together and always remain a big action spot at both dawn and dusk.

Hornivorous time of the year: Wild animals are always on the look-out for food and shelter and attend to their hormonal needs for each season. As a result all seasons are entertaining. The movement of animals is more when food and water is in shortage and their movements are restrictive during the mating season and post mating season. You can watch peacocks dance just before the monsoon and during the monsoon season. And post monsoon season is ideal time to watch animals mate. I spotted tuskers (some had a mammoth erection) almost another trunk between their hind legs, Male Guars and Sambar smelling the urine of their female counterparts.

Best time of the day to visit the jungle: Waterholes are hot action spots at both dawn and dusk.  Early mornings (between 6am - 8am), more herbivores move around in search of food and water. In the afternoon they are all busy resting under the trees and that is when most of the kills happen. It is not rare to spot a thirsty Tiger or Leopard on a summer afternoon near the water hole.

Don’ts on a Safari:

1. Use Flash when you take pictures
2. Taking food with you or feeding wild life (don’t want them to lose fear of humans)
3. Powerful deodorants or perfumes
4. Littering the forest; throwing burning matches or cigarette butts can start a fire
5. Getting off the safari vehicle
6. Usage of mobile phones and engaging in loud conversations

What did I spot on the Safari?

Animals: Elephants, Wild boars, Mongoose, Squirrel, Guars, Deers (Spotted and Sambar).

Birds: Drongos, Bee-eaters, Kingfishers, Woodpeckers, Spotted Doves, Peacocks, Forest Fowl, Brahminy Kite, Serpent Eagle.

Nature and wildlife @ Kabini seems like a limited period offer. Now that you know what to look for and how to behave while on a Safari, book your trip to Kabini.

Is India really on a Sexual Overdrive!

There is always sense of curiosity to discover and discuss each others’ sexual secrets and desires, but at the same time we all feel the need to protect and not share our secrets however good or bad they may be. Some harbor feeling of jealousy to see their friends and neighbors getting their satisfying fair share, while some may decide to take a leaf or two out it and make their withered sexual life fresh and frolicking!

Outlook Magazine and Durex (makers of Moods) together have been conducting annual survey to understand and discover the sexual behavior, thirst, kinks, fetishes, and satisfaction levels in the land of Vatsayayana. This year a structured questionnaire was presented to a random selection of 1,212 respondents across 12 cities: Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Pune, Jaipur, Kochi, Patna, Ahmedabad and Ludhiana. The respondents included an equal number of men and women in the 30-45 age group, across Socio Economy Class A, B and C. The survey has an error margin of 2.8 %.

I have no idea why the decided to choose this age-group and why only these cities. 1,212 out of 1.2 billion is micro-fraction to pain(t) sexual landscape of the country. But now let us get back to the survey findings.

Were Indians in their mid-life sexually emaciated or were they discovering their teenage libido again? What is our Gross Sexual Satisfaction Index (GSSI) aka Vatsyayana Index (VI)? Did our folks measure Below Libido Line (BLL)? How did we fare? What did the survey discover?

A few years back a newspaper article claimed sewage drains at a SEZ in Bangalore was clogged with used condoms. Such is the libido of our youth that turns work places into bedrooms.  With that history as a backdrop, it is not hard to trust the survey results. There is a dramatic shift in outlook, approach, attitude and sexual appetite. The Indian population seems to be self-sufficient, self-helping and fulfilled in the department of sexual pleasure. The survey responses show sex is no more a taboo and is freely traded like a commodity, easily accessible for people in the marriage, without a marriage and outside the marriage. Indians are reaching the Titillating Point.

The survey has indicated that middle-aged Indians are open to sexual experimentation like never before, or at least more than five years ago—with 74 per cent of men and 67.7 per cent of women surveyed responding in the affirmative. Dr Malhotra believes this has to do with the environment we inhabit today, with the media explosion, sexually suggestive advertising, comedy shows with sexual connotations, increasing depiction of sexual acts in films and media, easy internet access—with pornographic sites available at the click of a mouse. The sensitive area of sex is open to choice, exhibitionism, experimentation and exploitation. But is it still a conversation point?

Here are a few leaves from the survey

Satisfaction inside or outside: 93.9% of respondents said they were “satisfied”

or even “very satisfied” – are they satisfied in their relationship or outside

their relationship?

Its action time: 33% of them get action every other day, while 25% get action

once in three days - We seem to be working out in the bed room more than

sweating it out at the gym.

Swing along the same coast: 91% say there is no decline in sexual action at God’s Own Country (Kochi, Kerala), while 90% in Ahmedabad say there is a decline –Ahmedabad is definitely has dried up libido. Should we blame Mr. Modi? Should Viagra become a part of the PDS system? Come on citizen roll-up your everything now!

Sexually satisfied also means Infidelity: Delhi tops the cities and remains the

most Sexually satisfied city, while Ludhiana, the hosiery and imported car capital

of the country, a hotbed of extramarital indulgences.

Funtasies: 71% of the population is interested to experiment, 50% want to

discuss each other’s fantasies, and close to 36% of them engage in oral sex, while

23% is into anal and 8% engage in same sex love. – Guys, aren’t we turning

carniwhorous?

Not just friends, but friends with benefits: 48.4% of respondents had sex with

their friends– Next time your partner goes out with a friend, you know

where it is headed!

Who is ready for experimentation? 99% in Kochi, 98% in Ahmedabad and 96% in Kolkata are more open to sexual experimentation now that they were five years ago. Should we rename Ahmedabad to Ahbedabad?

New avenues for sex: 37% of respondents in Jaipur have had cyber-sex with

unknown people, while non have done so in Kochi and Mumbai. 33.7% used

social media like Twitter, Facebook to find sexual partners. So, is it Pink city or

Kink city?

Indians seems to know how to get it, where to get it, when to get it and how to make it a mutually satisfying experience. Urban mobility, changing nature of work and, very significantly, the lessening of stigma (at least in some circles) on women having unconventional relationships, is also an important context in this regard. Women no longer are stuck in melancholic-marriages, people swing, and sex is traded like never before outside their marriage and without the need for marriage. Sex suddenly more a recreation than procreational!

If men are genetically pre-dispose to polygamy, women are actively reshaping re-shaping India’s sexual drive? Women! Women! Women! The author says, “And my observation is that women have much richer sex lives and make astoundingly good sex partners in their late thirties and early forties. Not only are they at their sexual peak, but they have now learned, through experience, how to play the male instrument—and I mean the entire body—the way a seasoned jazz musician knows his saxophone.

“India may be the impotence capital of the world, more than 50% of men over 40 suffer from impotence,” says Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurthi, Andrologist. If this is true then some people have blatantly lied on this survey.  So when the survey comes back reporting that 40 per cent and 50 per cent of people are very satisfied or satisfied with their sex lives, one has to ask, who are these people? And why then do the figures for other questions posed to the same respondents suggest otherwise? Are we then lying about our sex lives, even in the privacy of anonymous surveys? Is Delhi the most sexually satisfied city? Well, Delhiites are known to be big talkers, this fits the prototype.

At the end of the survey, should you feel the middle-aged Indians are having a fucking good time or are they fucking the survey big time? The jury is you and you ask yourself it is good, bad or ugly! When Woody Allen was asked if sex was dirty, he responded, “Only when it is done right! So do it right and without a fright!

The Games they play

We‘ve all come a long way from the animal kingdom and evolution has brought us to another kingdom where rules of the game are every different. And our shared past often makes us look at the animal kingdom to see if there is a leaf or two to borrow. Does the sixth sense make us any better? Is sex easier handled as an act of procreation than an act of recreation? Is complexity a part of the evolution process. I was amazed watching an hour long program on Nat Geographic Channel on the topic of “Evolution”.

Sex is a currency:
Sexual currency is often traded in primate kingdom for social purposes. It is used to buy security, peace and avoid conflicts. In the land of primates, louder the female call the more excited males become. Noisy females ensure best genes are transferred to the next generation. The chance of a less-noisy female getting pregnant is low. Absence of noise can also mean the copulation was for social purpose more than procreation. So do filled vessels that make more noise in the primate world?


One time (night?) stand:
Female Roaches mate just once, stock up sperm and lay eggs when they want rather than looking around for mates. Save up for the rainy days, huh? How interesting it should be to just mate once and say good-bye! There are no emotional attachments and sex is truly for procreation. It is a no-strings attached copulation.


Chastity lock:
Among Stick insects, males copulate and sticks to the  female (chastity lock) to prevent other males from mating, until she gets to lay her eggs. Now you know how Italian cities, including Florence, Milan, Rome, and Venice came up with the concept of chastity lock in the 12-13 century!

Some happy endings are really sad!
Among Lady bugs, mating happens just once and the male bug dies at the end of act. It appears as though their birth objective is to mate and die. The female drags the dead male around and dumps him before laying her eggs. A good starting point for Penis Monologues, huh? Death by penis!


Mafia queens are born to kill male bees!
Among honey bees, male bees get into a bull fight to mate with the only queen bee. A successful male that gets to mate with the Queen bee often dies because its penis gets stuck and eventually the bee dies trying to free itself. The queen bee uses other males (lots of Plan B) to free herself from the broken penis and give another guy a chance for her to procreate.

Clean, fill and flit:
Among Dragon flies, the male uses two brushes next to their penis to remove solidified sperm inside the female organ, from earlier copulation and ensuring their gene goes to the next generation. Should you admire their sense of hygiene or their objective to leave their gene pool behind. See the games these insects play!


Looking at their life-cycle, it appears like procreation is the sole objective of any form of life born on earth and all of it happens without any wed-lock or commitment. And now you know where from we learnt our one-night stands, live-ins, kinks, hidden sexual agendas, chastity lock, and no-strings attached relationships, etc. But where did the leaf of marriage come from? Keep researching….

The Dirty Picture: What Mamis' called Dirty, Mamas' called "Deity"!

Well before the movie released, a lot of expectations and hype was built across the world. Releasing steamy stills and referring it to as a biopic, raised more than just eye-brows. The movie appeared to give the much needed closure to her fans and devotees who were grappling to understand and come to terms with her death. The media houses around the world, including BBC couldn’t ignore the call. On the day of the release their website boldly and bluntly reported “The Dirty Picture”, as a biopic on South Indian Cinema’s Sex Siren: Silk Smitha.  So, who makes picture dirty is it the woman, her men or the media?

Arrival of Mo(a)nsoon

Scientist, Astronomers, and Meteorologist, none of them could foresee or predict the arrival of this new star and a new weather pattern aka “the moansoon” in the South Indian Cinema. Silk turned housewives and their husbands desperate!

She arrived at a time when South Indian film industry was still conservative, dry and Chennai mamas’ still loved their un-sizzling mornings with carnatic music, mallipoo, filter coffee, and “The Hindu”, while strictly kept their flings outside their home turf (Cabaret, Marc Polo, and Times of India). What aunty’s called dirty the uncles called Deity!

Love for Silk: A family affair

Viagra was still a few light years away, but her arrival put so much of pressure on Mamis’ to improve their soft skills and bed manners. Mamis’ feared a new plague had arrived in their married life and felt the need to fight and protect their husbands. But when they realized their better halves never strayed but ploughed the pillows, burrowed themselves between the mattresses, and stayed satisfied with visual imagery, they put their shields and swords to rest and rust. Bed rooms were now both enter(s)tainment.

It is not just the Mamis’ who loved silk, Mamas’ and their sons too loved Silk! Silk was omnipresent and omnipotent across the globe and across all age groups. Fathers smuggled pictures of Silk into their bedrooms and stored them under the mattress (not just for rainy days but for shiny days too), while sons discovered their fathers’ adultery/fantasy/festish, and powered their arms as well as their puberty. Silk seemed a cheap alternative and free treatment for erectile dysfunction without any side-effects.

Saraswati or Sex Symbol?

Didn’t matter if you studied, arts, engineering, medicine or science, the syllabus was same across every college in India– Silk Smitha! Every hostel room had images of this visual Viagra pasted behind the doors. Students graduated from one year to the next, while she stayed behind every door in all the rooms and took care of all fresher (read as virgins). Students scored their women teachers with the same vengeance their answer sheets were and none of teachers came close to Silk!

If the old man’s paint brush could have added beauty to her curves and cleavage, this Sex Goddess would have blessed him with a “Barath Ratna”. What Saraswati couldn’t get MF Hussain, Silk could have got him, but the man missed it.

With this preamble let’s analyze what popular reviewers haven’t covered about “The Dirty Picture”.

I felt it was a great opportunity to narrate the story of a voluptuous and vulnerable woman who set the bedrooms and box-office on fire and who suddenly vanished one morning leaving the Mamas and their sons in a permanent state of erectile deflation.

1. To ones dismay the first slide in the movie reads “All Characters in this movie are fictional and any resemblance to real life characters is just a coincidence” takes the steam away. May be the Director and Producer wanted an escape route from lawsuits, while they astutely enjoyed the coverage when media houses referred to it as a biopic. Even if they took the fictional route, the Ekta Kapoor could have narrated the pain behind being both voluptuous and vulnerable in a better way. The voluptuous part came out very well, but the vulnerable part turned script vulnerable. Sadly this biopic was more myopic.
2. Since the film was set in the 80s the borrowed tune “adra adra naaku nokka” didn’t gel with the time period. “Pon meni uruguthey” would have been a better choice to recall the bygone era and tease the uncles and their grown-up sons.
3. The first half of the screenplay quickly shows the growing up of Silk and her attainment of stardom, but the second half swells and sags like Vidya Balan’s adipose tissue.
4. Indian directors must learn to use powerful visuals, power of actor to emote than filling the scenes with dialogues.
5. Towards the end there was a beautiful shot where Silk looks at her reflection in dirty water and that moment could have been elaborated to capture her vulnerable side. There could have been a conversation with her alter-ego to show her pains and stains. But the opportunity was sadly ignored.
6. What Directors achieved to convey in Black Swan and Fashion, this movie failed to convey. At the end of the movie her suicide still remains a mystery, her emotions, desires, disappointments and feelings still uncovered and unclear. The director could have used the last 15 mins to bring her dark side to light. Sadly the society will continue to call Silk, the Dark-side of creation.

One could see strands of Silk running across the fabric in Hollywood and Bollywood. The lead characters in the movie Black Swan, Fashion and The Dirty Picture were all struggling to find balance at peak of their stardom. Their lives seemed brittle without a man, they wandered from one port to another like an anchor-less ship, and there was no family to play the role of fog-horn and safety net.

Are women built to handle the perils of being popular and celebrated? Are single women more vulnerable than single men when it comes to power, name, money, sex, etc.? Do families and partners provide the anchorage and invisible safety net against suicides?


All the yester-year uncles are now grandfathers, their sons are now fathers, who can share their experiences, but sadly none came to Silk's rescue or narrate her share of struggles and wiggles. So who makes the picture dirty is it the woman, her stardom or the men? Keep thinking....and you decide!

Book Review: Controversially Yours - Shoaib Akthar

You need not be old, rich, famous, honest or talented to pen down your autobiography, but just have a life filled with a sinful past, a self consumed spirit, lust for success, a closet packed with skeletons, a personality dripping with ego, vengeance, attitude, volatile temper, and finally some achievements to fill the pages of your version of Controversially Yours.

Autopsying one’s life when you are alive is not all that simple, and for a writer, an autobiography can provide a rare opportunity to come to terms with past, candidly analyze failures and follies, clear the air around controversies, redeem guilt, and finally exhibit secrets and skeletons in their closet without being too worried about the judgment day or making new enemies.

We’ve known Shoaib’s achievements and controversies in Cricket from the Press, but as they say, it is always interesting and personal to hear from the horse’s mouth. So, what has Shoaib got to share, to declare, to announce, to denounce, to confess, to atone, and finally to exhibit?

As readers we are constantly forced to toggle between the Shoaib’s we know and the Shoaib he shares. So who is the real Shoaib?

A slum dog millionaire

If you belong to an affluent family and live in a developed country Shoaib’s family and childhood would resemble the armpits in your country (crowded, hardworking, honest and struggling to make both ends meet). If you are from a lower middle class and live in a developing country, then his family would resemble one of your neighbors fighting for survival all the time. His father was a night watchman and poverty was the way of life, but his home was bricked with strong values, love of mother, love of uncles, care of siblings. And when you alt+tab and compare with the Shoaib today, it is a cricketer’s version of slum dog millionaire.

No short cut to Success

Life is never a bed of roses for anyone and your eyes will soften when you read his thorny experiences. His dream to become an international cricketer and bring laurels to his country wasn’t an ordinary one for someone born without a silver spoon (no money, no backing, and no sponsorship). But he had talent and the resolve to help him chase his dream. His initial days in Lahore and later in Karachi was nothing but long walks to the stadium, grueling physical training and going to bed with an empty stomach. How could one stomach all this and yet make it to the top amazes me. If only little patience came along with perseverance into the six pack mind, this man with nerves of steel could have achieved much more. But nevertheless, there was a lot of hard work behind his success and like Shoaib says “Allah’s blessings”.

A terrorist - From Classroom to dressing room

Shoaib meant trouble not only to his classmates, seniors and teachers while in school, but also to colleagues, captain, and coach both off the field and on the field. You would only be surprised only if Shoaib’s behavior in the dressing room was different. Obedience was never in his blood and very often rage and anger eclipsed his talent and earned him enemies.

When he was in college he drove the motorbike into the Principal’s room, thrashed his seniors black and blue, constantly got into trouble with his teachers, while he was on the field he tampered with the ball, verbally abused opponents, hit his colleagues with the bat and even injured them with the ball. He was not a bully, but a pit bull. This reminds you of the difference between killer instinct and intention!

Don’t be surprised if Shoaib told you he caused serious injury to a spectator (hurled a bottle at him) during the 2002 series in Zimbabwe. What do you call such a man with a volatile personality, born with defiance, superciliousness, and a short fuse? A cricketing terrorist!

Rawalpindi Express often derails!

Your speed and achievement is celebrated, you get a raging welcome at Eden Gardens, you become the nightmare to every batsman and the press calls you “Rawalpindi Express”. But what happens when arrogance, attitude and insubordination comes along with success? What happens when success gets to your head? Derailment!

Though he bowled at 100.2 mph, who would want a colleague with volatile temper, floating in air of superiority and arrogance in their team? More than his injuries, it was his temper and attitude that injured his career and eroded his savings. His short fuse kept him out of the field more often and he ended up paying more fines than any other Pakistani cricketer (70 Lakhs was the last fine he paid). McEnroe of the Cricket world!

People may sympathize with nonperformance due to injury but not non performance due to arrogance. A man with such a talent could have adorned the cricketing crown of Pakistan if only he had right attitude.

Confessions – darkness brought to light!

When you make confessions you run the risk exposing your raw bones, flesh and brain and sometimes others too. As a writer you may feel therapeutic and light, but you may also end up losing the “idol” status in the mind of the readers and disgustingly repulsive to other colleagues.

In September 2004, ICC Champions Trophy, Shoaib enjoys the moment of pride by delivering the ball to Brian Lara, but very soon he sends him to the pavilion by hitting him on his head. You admire a player and the very next moment you hit him in the head, doesn’t this sound sadistic and psychotic?

In his next confession he says his seniors like Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis have tampered the ball by damaging it with the zipper in their trousers, using their nails, applied substances lik Vaseline, etc and justifies doing such cheap tricks to turn the game in favour of his team and for his personal record.

Sledging, a dangerous trait that can be compared to a rattle snake, was another favourite tactic used by Shoaib to get his opponents worked up and throw their wicket as a reaction to his verbal taunt.

At the end his confessions you feel Shoaib is far being a professional cricketer and there is only more darkness to the man.

Acts of kindness and softness

It is not just fowl temper, confessions and contradictions that maketh this man; there are other facets too. The chipped marble floor in Karachi that ate his skin didn’t completely eat away his kindness and softness. After he played his first international match he kept his promise and came in search of the elderly rickshaw man who took him to the stadium for practice and the fruit vendor who gave him free feeds while he was in college. During one of his tours to Australia, he jumped in front of the car to save a toddler who ran towards him. He put his life on the line to save the child. The Australian media called him a “HERO” and elevated him to the “Superman” status off the field.

The controversies

Life is never interesting without controversies and the real hero is reborn and goes a few notches higher in hearts of fans only when he emerges unscathed from controversies. His bowling action caught the attention of opponents, umpires and kept him out of the game for a few seasons until his action was analyzed and cleared by the Australian University. The manipulated medical report that showed he had genital warts instead of skin rash put him out of the stadium for some time. From genital warts, late night parties, drug abuse, active sex life, the man has faced all kinds of controversies.

A bundle of contradictions!

If you analyzed Shoaib’s confessions, controversies and acts of kindness, he comes across as a bundle of contradiction more than a seasoned willow. It was always okay for him to tease and taunt his opponents and colleagues, but if spectators and fellow players returned the favor, softness vanished and the man turned violent to unction his bruised ego.  He had maturity and patience to fight his controversies, but didn’t use it to control his emotions.

In his book, he accuses Rahul Dravid, Tendulkar and few others for playing to build personal record and not being match winners or true patriots, while he was obsessed to break his own record of 100.2 mph. Is that a trait of a patriot or a portrait of self consumed cricketer? Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black?

Hi(s)tory!

Reading someone’s autobiography (aka autopsy report) when they are alive is also not always fun and easy. For a reader, it can either make or break the image of that person they’ve been carrying in their heart and mind all this while and it becomes too easy and simple for them to judge and dislike the person without understanding their life in the backdrop of various constraints, controversies, compulsions, and compromises. But who are we to punish, praise or judge Shoaib Akthar when life gives everyone their respective dues?

His story is an inspiration to anyone who is willing to work hard without any backing or support. His story is an example of what happens when success gets to head. His successes and failures show the power of one’s emotion on their career. His raw emotions teach you how to infuriate friends and make enemies. Remember you need not live his life to learn his tricks, just read the book.

View his You Tube Interview on CNN IBN- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j63wL9B0BrA

Download the PDF version of the book - http://www.harpercollins.co.in/AIS_File/1003_AI_Sept_201_%20Final_File_low%20resolution.pdf