Book Review: Controversially Yours - Shoaib Akthar

You need not be old, rich, famous, honest or talented to pen down your autobiography, but just have a life filled with a sinful past, a self consumed spirit, lust for success, a closet packed with skeletons, a personality dripping with ego, vengeance, attitude, volatile temper, and finally some achievements to fill the pages of your version of Controversially Yours.

Autopsying one’s life when you are alive is not all that simple, and for a writer, an autobiography can provide a rare opportunity to come to terms with past, candidly analyze failures and follies, clear the air around controversies, redeem guilt, and finally exhibit secrets and skeletons in their closet without being too worried about the judgment day or making new enemies.

We’ve known Shoaib’s achievements and controversies in Cricket from the Press, but as they say, it is always interesting and personal to hear from the horse’s mouth. So, what has Shoaib got to share, to declare, to announce, to denounce, to confess, to atone, and finally to exhibit?

As readers we are constantly forced to toggle between the Shoaib’s we know and the Shoaib he shares. So who is the real Shoaib?

A slum dog millionaire

If you belong to an affluent family and live in a developed country Shoaib’s family and childhood would resemble the armpits in your country (crowded, hardworking, honest and struggling to make both ends meet). If you are from a lower middle class and live in a developing country, then his family would resemble one of your neighbors fighting for survival all the time. His father was a night watchman and poverty was the way of life, but his home was bricked with strong values, love of mother, love of uncles, care of siblings. And when you alt+tab and compare with the Shoaib today, it is a cricketer’s version of slum dog millionaire.

No short cut to Success

Life is never a bed of roses for anyone and your eyes will soften when you read his thorny experiences. His dream to become an international cricketer and bring laurels to his country wasn’t an ordinary one for someone born without a silver spoon (no money, no backing, and no sponsorship). But he had talent and the resolve to help him chase his dream. His initial days in Lahore and later in Karachi was nothing but long walks to the stadium, grueling physical training and going to bed with an empty stomach. How could one stomach all this and yet make it to the top amazes me. If only little patience came along with perseverance into the six pack mind, this man with nerves of steel could have achieved much more. But nevertheless, there was a lot of hard work behind his success and like Shoaib says “Allah’s blessings”.

A terrorist - From Classroom to dressing room

Shoaib meant trouble not only to his classmates, seniors and teachers while in school, but also to colleagues, captain, and coach both off the field and on the field. You would only be surprised only if Shoaib’s behavior in the dressing room was different. Obedience was never in his blood and very often rage and anger eclipsed his talent and earned him enemies.

When he was in college he drove the motorbike into the Principal’s room, thrashed his seniors black and blue, constantly got into trouble with his teachers, while he was on the field he tampered with the ball, verbally abused opponents, hit his colleagues with the bat and even injured them with the ball. He was not a bully, but a pit bull. This reminds you of the difference between killer instinct and intention!

Don’t be surprised if Shoaib told you he caused serious injury to a spectator (hurled a bottle at him) during the 2002 series in Zimbabwe. What do you call such a man with a volatile personality, born with defiance, superciliousness, and a short fuse? A cricketing terrorist!

Rawalpindi Express often derails!

Your speed and achievement is celebrated, you get a raging welcome at Eden Gardens, you become the nightmare to every batsman and the press calls you “Rawalpindi Express”. But what happens when arrogance, attitude and insubordination comes along with success? What happens when success gets to your head? Derailment!

Though he bowled at 100.2 mph, who would want a colleague with volatile temper, floating in air of superiority and arrogance in their team? More than his injuries, it was his temper and attitude that injured his career and eroded his savings. His short fuse kept him out of the field more often and he ended up paying more fines than any other Pakistani cricketer (70 Lakhs was the last fine he paid). McEnroe of the Cricket world!

People may sympathize with nonperformance due to injury but not non performance due to arrogance. A man with such a talent could have adorned the cricketing crown of Pakistan if only he had right attitude.

Confessions – darkness brought to light!

When you make confessions you run the risk exposing your raw bones, flesh and brain and sometimes others too. As a writer you may feel therapeutic and light, but you may also end up losing the “idol” status in the mind of the readers and disgustingly repulsive to other colleagues.

In September 2004, ICC Champions Trophy, Shoaib enjoys the moment of pride by delivering the ball to Brian Lara, but very soon he sends him to the pavilion by hitting him on his head. You admire a player and the very next moment you hit him in the head, doesn’t this sound sadistic and psychotic?

In his next confession he says his seniors like Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis have tampered the ball by damaging it with the zipper in their trousers, using their nails, applied substances lik Vaseline, etc and justifies doing such cheap tricks to turn the game in favour of his team and for his personal record.

Sledging, a dangerous trait that can be compared to a rattle snake, was another favourite tactic used by Shoaib to get his opponents worked up and throw their wicket as a reaction to his verbal taunt.

At the end his confessions you feel Shoaib is far being a professional cricketer and there is only more darkness to the man.

Acts of kindness and softness

It is not just fowl temper, confessions and contradictions that maketh this man; there are other facets too. The chipped marble floor in Karachi that ate his skin didn’t completely eat away his kindness and softness. After he played his first international match he kept his promise and came in search of the elderly rickshaw man who took him to the stadium for practice and the fruit vendor who gave him free feeds while he was in college. During one of his tours to Australia, he jumped in front of the car to save a toddler who ran towards him. He put his life on the line to save the child. The Australian media called him a “HERO” and elevated him to the “Superman” status off the field.

The controversies

Life is never interesting without controversies and the real hero is reborn and goes a few notches higher in hearts of fans only when he emerges unscathed from controversies. His bowling action caught the attention of opponents, umpires and kept him out of the game for a few seasons until his action was analyzed and cleared by the Australian University. The manipulated medical report that showed he had genital warts instead of skin rash put him out of the stadium for some time. From genital warts, late night parties, drug abuse, active sex life, the man has faced all kinds of controversies.

A bundle of contradictions!

If you analyzed Shoaib’s confessions, controversies and acts of kindness, he comes across as a bundle of contradiction more than a seasoned willow. It was always okay for him to tease and taunt his opponents and colleagues, but if spectators and fellow players returned the favor, softness vanished and the man turned violent to unction his bruised ego.  He had maturity and patience to fight his controversies, but didn’t use it to control his emotions.

In his book, he accuses Rahul Dravid, Tendulkar and few others for playing to build personal record and not being match winners or true patriots, while he was obsessed to break his own record of 100.2 mph. Is that a trait of a patriot or a portrait of self consumed cricketer? Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black?

Hi(s)tory!

Reading someone’s autobiography (aka autopsy report) when they are alive is also not always fun and easy. For a reader, it can either make or break the image of that person they’ve been carrying in their heart and mind all this while and it becomes too easy and simple for them to judge and dislike the person without understanding their life in the backdrop of various constraints, controversies, compulsions, and compromises. But who are we to punish, praise or judge Shoaib Akthar when life gives everyone their respective dues?

His story is an inspiration to anyone who is willing to work hard without any backing or support. His story is an example of what happens when success gets to head. His successes and failures show the power of one’s emotion on their career. His raw emotions teach you how to infuriate friends and make enemies. Remember you need not live his life to learn his tricks, just read the book.

View his You Tube Interview on CNN IBN- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j63wL9B0BrA

Download the PDF version of the book - http://www.harpercollins.co.in/AIS_File/1003_AI_Sept_201_%20Final_File_low%20resolution.pdf

“Marriage” for the mended heart!

I went to the hospital last weekend (60 days since my last visit) for a scheduled check-up. The guard outside the cardiology department stopped and asked why I was there. Before I could finish the sentence he looked up and down and asked, “Where is the patient?” Finally I had to cut back on my enthusiasm and wear a “patiently” look to gain entry.

It was impossible to find a vacant seat that morning in the OPD. With patients swarming the hospital staff at appointment desk, the place looked like a bee-hive. Computers were down that morning which added to the chaos at the appointment desk. I patiently stood by the desk for the staff to finish answering queries from patients. Finally the staff looked up and said, “how are you sir?’’. I was happy that she remembered me and before she could ask more I put out my hospital Id to block an appointment in the system to meet the surgeon.

While I waited to see the doctor, the duty nurse measured my BP, Oxygen saturation, weight and pulse. At 84 kgs, 110/70 BP, and oxygen 96% saturation, I couldn’t feel anymore healthier. I was then asked to go see the surgeon in his first floor cabin. I left my shoes at the door, held a smile in my lips and my reports in my hand and entered the surgeon’s cabin. I wished him and then said “PAPVC correction” and slipped the report under his nose. He picked up the report and invited me to sit on the examination chair besides him. “Left Upper Pulmonary Vein (LUPV) anomaly is quite rare, he said. So was he going to give me a caning or a candy?

He asked me how I felt after the surgery and if felt any difference at all. To be honest I never felt any discomfort before to find any difference after the surgery. While I responded to his query, he lifted my tee to check on the surgical area. I could see the smell of AXE deodorant made his olfactory nerves happy, but there was something else that kept him concerned. Let’s come to that later.

I complained about the stiffness around the surgical area when I took deep breaths and his response assured that it was due to fibrosis and should vanish in the next six months. He took out his Steth put it on my chest and asked me to breathe in and breathe out. He then put down the Steth and ordered for an “Echo” just to ensure there was no turbulence or deposit around the anatomized vein. He also said I could resume my normal activities (gym, yoga) and start travelling again.

While writing his observations and recommendations in the report he reminded me that I was not a cardiac patient but recommended to repeat the Echo every six months and consult the cardiologist and free up his time for other sick patients. Sounds funny, huh? But then there was one piece of information on the file that seemed raised his concern. What did he prescribe? Any guesses?

He said, “You are now healthy and all ready for every kind of physical activity. So it is time for you to get married”. I kept mum and took a few extra breaths to gather my response, while he gave finishing touches to his signature on the report. Like any obedient patient I told him I was committed to keeping my BP at 110/70, my stress levels at bay and free up his time for other patients. He approvingly smiled and scored off the only tablet on my menu and prescribed marriage (for the sake companionship) for the mended heart!

In a society where marriage is considered an elixir (for everything from headache to body pain to psychological issues) I was only suprised that the prescription came after surgery. But nevertheless, I felt my personal space and choice was very much violated with the unsolicited advice. When will this free prescription stop? Will the society ever look at single people as healthy and honorable and marriage as a personal choice?

Durga Puja - A Spiritual Mardigras!

Calcutta’s documented past in Victoria Memorial says the erstwhile capital of India was an invader’s goldmine, a traveler’s paradise, and India’s pride, while present day top stories in the media portrays Kolkata, to be an investor’s landmine with flash strikes, laid back mind-set, and communist outlook. You have a choice to be either be carried away by the bad press and stay away from Kolkata or come with on a trip to enjoy the mutual love and affection Bengalis share with Maa Durga.

Crumbling historic buildings in the South and tall IT buildings eating the agricultural land in the North, may make it look like a City of Contradictions, but the City of Joy never fails to renew its joy by celebrating the victory of Maa Durga over Mahishasur.

Durga puja is the biggest festival of the year for Bengalis and if they make it come home for the festival they ensure a mini Bengal is re-created in their city of residence. Today idols made at Kumartuli get exported from Argentina to Australia, which shows their love for Maa Durga. But nevertheless, home is where love, affection and warmth flow unadulterated.

Preparing for homecoming of Maa Durga

Preparing for “pujo” as the locals call it, is like preparing for a wedding or a homecoming festival. So, are there wedding planners? I asked a friend how one would go about choosing the idols, pandal designs, dhakis and cooks. Would there be picture albums on idols to choose from and would they show pandal designs in 3d? Kumartuli, a place in northern Kolkata is where these idols are made. Minds and hands here visualize and work in a coordinated fashion unaided by any computers. Some even say the artisans observe fast while making the idols. So would you want to intern here this summer?

Shopping for idols is like shopping for clothes, people make multiple trips with the loved ones to decide on the one for the year. A library of idols is available to choose from and you can haggle to make the purchase more interesting. So what more can you ask for?

When it comes to dhakis (drums and cymbals), one goes to Kalighat to select them. The dhakis came from nearby villages and return back after the pujo. There is a usually a line-up of dhakis and selection is based on the sound and rhythm they create.

Bengali are connoisseurs of food and that makes them even more finicky when it comes to choosing the cooks. After rigorous screening tests the cooks are selected and they have a set menu to cook every night, which is offered to Mother Goddess and later distributed to public.

So, who gets the corner office?

They say milk and honey flows in heaven, but in Bengal during puja it is fervor, felicity and devotion that flows in streets. The pandals that mushroom in streets corners comes in various shape, sizes, designs and material (eco friendly, recyclable, scraps). And healthy competition between the neighborhoods gets them to work harder and showcase more creative ideas and artistic designs. And it is Durga and her family (Lakshmi, Saraswati, Ganesh and Kartik) who get the corner office and all the attention.

My friend says it is the inherent slow lifestyle of Bengalis that adds to their creativity and perfection. So what the world calls lazy is just time to perfection and creativity. Irrespective of the concept, designs, material used for the pandal and size of the Thakurs, it is their love for Mother Goddess that brings people back to their roots, out of their homes and get them to hop pandals as friends and families and relive their childhood memories while enjoying the bhog.

Blessing and blessing!

Shops are closed, and streets bear a deserted look during the day but by sundown the scene changes dramatically. Every inch on the street is punctuated with decorative lights and not headlights. Streets are brimming with people and traffic though slow is regulated, and not neurotic. The family decked up in new clothes and and jewellery is out on the streets merrily hopping pandals to receive Maa Durga’s blessings, enjoying the bhog and carry home memories.

It started with Home pujas that eventually turned into Community pujas today. Home pujas referred to as “Paribaric pujas” were put together by the rich zamindars in those days and is still alive in some parts of the city. Today the community pujas in each locality are popular and are often funded by corporate. And corporates who sponsor the pandals have their marketing kiosk near the pandals with an idea to take home contacts and business which adds to the commercialism hounded world. But nevertheless, there is no dearth of food, love and affection in the Land of Mother Goddess.

The day after Navami!

On Sapthami (spelt as Soptami), day 7 mother goddess gets her weapons and without any Bofors kind of scandal. On day 8, ashtami (oshtomi) she kills Mahishasur, the demon and her homecoming is celebrated with joy on day 9, Navami (Nabomi). And after nine days of bonding with friends and family over prayers and food, the Mukherjees’, Chatterjees’ and Banerjees’ have little energy left!

A farewell can be teary, but it is made colorful and fun filled by the women folks applying sindoor on each other forehead and cheeks! As Goddess gets to ready to leave for her abode the women folk in the neighborhood gather for the “Sindoor Khela” ritual to give Maa Durga a fitting farewell. Having your guest filled to the lips and giving her a fitting send off by applying sindoor on her forehead makes the farewell warm, loving, light and friendly. Truly, nobody can beat the Bengali hospitality and farewell.

The spiritual Mardigras ends!

It is not just the locals who go to Babu Ghat to take the ferry service to Howrah and other places, but Maa Durga also prefers the same route to travel back her abode. Though lorries arrive by mid morning at pandals on the farewell day, the visarjan usually starts at around sunset. Lorries from various pandals parade the Thakurs around the city and gravitate towards the ghat while the locals sing and dance to dhakis tunes all the way to the ghat. The atmosphere feels like a spiritual Mardigras.

The idols are brought down the steps of Babu Ghat to the tunes of the beating dhakis and blowing conches. After a few rituals (rotating the statue thrice, etc.) the male members in the family get down the river along with the idols while the women stay on the shore and shed a few tears of love before Maa Durga vanishes into the Ganges.

Will be back soon!

The adults and kids know Maa Durga will be back soon and the next year celebrations will be better, bigger and brighter with friends, family and travelers like me adding to the zing. And even Maa Durga knows she is going to be back soon. I boarded the flight with a heavy baggage of memories and the only thought that kept my eyes from turning cloudy was “one doesn’t need an invite to come home and visit your mother”. So are you making your travel plans for next year Durga Puja?

Here are the pictures from the trip: http://picasaweb.google.com/108289564546757100555/KolDurgaPuja2011?authkey=Gv1sRgCOuApLbKiPGzqwE