My single status seems to push everyone to the sideline and without any effort it gets me the limelight. Is this an accomplishment or am I the recipient of Param Vir Chakra? Be it a family gathering, a professional gathering or a relative visiting my home these folks are always read to assault and autopsy me with their questions. I don’t know their intent? Is it because they have a fabulous marriage and want me to discover the same or want to get me into that pool of mud and wallow like the other buffaloes?
Do I enjoy this limelight? Definitely not! Recently an uninvited long nose neighbor sprouted in my home and comfortably sat in the drawing room and questioned my single status. She made me look like a horrible son in front of my parents accusing me of not letting my parents dispense parental duties and ruining their peace of mind. Not only did she make my parents grief stricken but on the way out she reminded of my ticking biological clock and infact made a pass at my salt-and-pepper hair and beard. I subtly told her that I age with grace and don’t have to dye my hair twice a week. Guys can you hear my clock? Is it ticking louder and faster than the Big Ben? I would love to be a human bomb and blow up (not blow off) these females. It usually takes a couple of days like the cold virus to ward off the impressions left by this 5 feet and 75 kilo bad energy vixens. She is just one of the many vixens that run amok in the hypocritical Mylapore society.
She is one of the direct ones, but there are other nimble ones who make my parents feel emotionally paralyzed and push them to welter in self pity by reminding them about my single status and deteriorating Arvind Swamy looks. This Arvind Swami fixation with Mylapore Mami will never wane. Is it because they fantacize on him more their better halves? After sending feelers across to see if my parents ever had intentions of getting me married, they would throw the list of unmarried women and possibly entice my folks with their wealth, pedigree and family background. I feel like telling these walking cylinders that I am not in the flesh market and neither looking for a suitable pedigree mate, or KCI certified partner, which I did for my Labrador. To these Mami’s marriage is all about accepting dowry and making off springs.
The third variety is one who would walk into the house and move around as though they are my immediate family. They enjoy the cardamom tea that my mom makes and then slowly open the sluice and let their reeking verbal diarrhea flow. Some of them would directly ask me how long I will make my mother do household chores. I assure them that I earn and can afford to have 3 maids for my house and I don’t need to be married to have someone help my mother in the kitchen. With my terse and pungent reply they dismiss me from their clan as an irresponsible son and they would follow my mother to chew on her brain and happiness. They eulogize on my single status and paint this to be the worst ever possible tragedy in my parents’ life.
Some of the Mami’s play the emotional card when they figure none of their tricks work with me. They dramatize my bachelor hood to be their ticket to be hell and would want see me married before they breathe for the last time and shed a few crocodile tears to create a pensive mood. There was a time when I got upset and moved by such tears, but over the years I seem to have got immune to such tear parties. Now I never bothered to hear the cries and howls of these vixens and I dust them off my shoulder like the flakes of dandruff.
The last variety is the gluttonous breed of pot bellied Mamis who parade around the town asking when I would invite them for my wedding lunch/ reception dinner. I usually compare them to the female ticks that live of healthy home grown dogs. Some of them even get greedier and ask me when I would get them a Saree for my wedding. With a smile I tell them if free food was their secret behind their pot belly I can take them out for lunch/dinner anytime. Shamelessly they disappear from the living room like Russian submarines and surface in the kitchen to verbally taunt my parents. At the next moment they move on from my single status and start bitching about the newly married couples and other mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws stories in the neighborhood. They forget that they were thrown out of the house when they got their son married. I remind my mother about these Mami’s life and how they were thrown out of the house for their wagging their long sticky reptile tongues. Sometime I ruthlessly remind them of their bitter lives and their past, but still they seem to be committed to the mission of getting me married.
I’m not sure if my single status was result of good or bad karma in my previous birth, but for sure I have earned the wrath of Mylapore Mamis' in our previous birth, they keep coming back to haunt me. These Mamis’ furtively leave our home after creating a pandemonium with their rude and ruthless remarks. Volcanoes of emotion erupt soon after they leave and the house turns in a humid hell hole for the next few days.
Majority of the Mami world seems to suffer from this epidemic and marriage seems to the only ambrosia for everyone born in this earth. Be it a psychological problem or be it a personality problem they believe that marriage is an elixir. To enjoy and be with oneself for life means a curse beyond emancipation.
Well I have never bothered to ask them how well their marriage sucks and the history and frequency of their physical and verbal abuse in their relationship. Having not much education, emotionally and financially dependent on their men, these Mami’s have learned to enjoy their lifetime in prison.
The institution of marriage is yet another sparkling invention by mankind. I am sure all these Mami’s are disappointed by their men and it is society and the institution of marriage puts pressure on them to stay together. Institution of marriage is a merely a Gold Chain and a talisman in a few sovereigns. But today there is renaissance happening in this institution of marriage. I am waiting for the day when these Mamis’ would discover the multiple affairs in their Mama’s life and office flings their Sons had. I am also waiting for these Mylapore nincompoops to discover about same sex marriages and live-in relationships in their grandsons and grand daughters’ life.
Biologist argued that men by nature are like animals can seldom be in a monogamous relationship and women by nature look around for the best men to produce off springs. I don’t know if this theory still holds good today but with changing human needs and wants and a lot of these stereotypes will soon be broken in Mylapore. If these Mamis are around I am sure they will still inflict the cruelty of horoscope matching, Moola Nakshatram and Chevvai (Mars Dosha) dosha even for same sex marriages. These Popes of Myalpore (Mamis) will never change their views and shift paradigms. PS: Neither I proclaim to be a gay, an impotent or a womanizer to enjoy my single status and condemn the institution of marriage. I am just a man who lives by his free will and enjoys being single.
I am just sick and tired of answering people why I am single. My single hood seems to trouble them more their old age friends, viz. asthma and arthritis and I don’t know how and why I become an eyesore in Mami crowds. May be someday I will feel marred due to my single status and decide get married, but when I do it a lot of graves will open in the city and Mami skeletons would parade to the wedding hall to bless me and walk back to their graves to rest in peace.
Excellent writeup! These Mami's while see only the ripples on the surface forget that a tsunami is under making at the bottom.
ReplyDeleteWhile you have pictured the "vambu" of "mami"s accurately, I must also confess that after living outside India for more than a decade, people do miss those vambus! While it has its own issues, it does bring a warmth of togetherness in the society which is sort of absent in the Western world.
If we learn to use the powerful weapon of IGNORING and see the fun in the mami's mission and persistive power, may be there can be a positive twist to this whole episode!
My oh My, they must have really got to you I guess.
ReplyDeleteBtw, have linked to this post.
My sentiments exactly mate. Just one a change 'mamis' to 'aunties/uncles/whoever/pass-byers'
ReplyDeleteCompare to you.. iam lucky since i had to put up with this only while iam on 3weeks vacation. strange think is, everybody talks but NO is listening or even read to listen.
I think, I speak yourself as well when I say 'ofcourse, Marriage is the intention but process & people involved put-off all the respect it can get'. now, very thought of marriage freaks me out, since there is soooooo much mental pressure to make it right for the first & only time .
Best wishes,
http://view-on-relationships.blogspot.com/
ur portraying the thought process of any single dude out there... thanks a bunch mate. and fantastic writeup...
ReplyDeleteand ur in my blog - http://bloggerkn.blogspot.com
just say that you want to live together for a couple of years before getting married to their daughters (or you prefer a non committed free lifestyle where you can try multiple partners before settling down with their daughters)
ReplyDeleteHey Raghavan:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your participation. You generally dont respond to my emails and these Mylapore Mamis really got you. Now I know your fetish. Dude no wonder you miss your Mamis and they miss your leelas and tricks.
On a lighter note it was really fun to write this piece and i felt walking around with an empty bladder when i completed it.
Hey Echo/Lavanya:
ReplyDeletei am sure you can understand the mami angle to this story. If i have to do some pariharams to Navagrahas I can visit the Navagrahas sthalam, but do you know of any temple where I can visit and do pariharams to escape the wrath of mylapore mamis.
Lol!
Yuva:
ReplyDeleteGood to know that we think the same way rather we have gone through the same wrath. Wish we can do a show on Oprah on how Tam Bram boys are being tortured by Mylapore Mamis. What do you say?
Hey Karthik:
ReplyDeleteI am happy to know that you also feel the same way. BTW, why dont we have dharna against these mylapore mamis? We will organize a heated hate campaign against these mamis?
Hey Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a kewl idea to get into a live in relationship before marriage. I am sure this will freak out the mamis. But the sad thing is that these mamis stayed in their wood work when Kushboo was traumatized, neither did they support nor did they oppose? I am wondering if they are in a quandry. Sooner of later these species will either evolve or become extinct. let us wait and watch which happens first. thanks for your comments.
These mamis used to verbally rape me when I in my 3rd year of college. They see me at weddings and gossip amongst themselves "Avan nalla varan dee" (he is a good alliance)". He is fair and looks like arvind Swami and has enough cash.
ReplyDeleteThere seems no escape from these slick salmandors.
The very word Mami, is always compared to someone who nags,who is inquisitive,Is also one big complain box.
ReplyDeleteI never came across any Mami walking up to my folks till my sister was unmarried to question about my single-hood.The moment my sister's wedding was fixed....the most common statement that was conviniently passed on was Ok! your Line is clear...U can get married....Helloooooo!!!!!! What is that now....? Am I going to some wholesale market to purchase vegetables..?
Ever since I heard those comments from most of the maami's...I just banned myself from attending any social gathering back home....
It's just a hand full of them who really have an outlook & also have the courtesy to ask me, Are you ready to get married, can we think of looking for a bride for you...or ask me when is that I want to get married.....Atleast with this I can certainly open up give my views about marriage....
In today's world, ones who are Career minded push the concept of marriage aside....the urge to become something in life & serve mankind is a neat thought...When I say this is public....serving mankind is taken as serving Women,as in get married....I think every individual been sent to earth for a purpose,it's only when we realise this & accomplish what suppose to be done...then things would automatically fall in place....
Sorry to sound a discordant note. I feel that it is my duty to do so. If in the bargain you label me as a male Mami, so be it.
ReplyDeleteYou are 31. Time is slowly passing you by. Once your parents are no longer there, no one is going to ask you to get married. At that time, especially if you think of getting married, you will definitely feel a fool.
Believe me, I know what I am talking about. I have quite a few friends of my age, who are still bachelors and are bitterly repenting it. They cannot retrieve the lost years.
I don't know what your problem is. But please think over what I said. Why should you make your parents grieve? Seeing their line continued is all paraents' wish and you cannot blame them.
Regards,
Dondu N.Raghavan
Dondu must be of older generations and traditional. Maybe his logic applies to traditional women who have to rely on someone like mamis who compare jathagams and netwroking to find the right match. Men no matter what their age is can get married with no one's help if they want to. The operative word is "want to". Gone are the days when one marries for the sake of society and society's expectations of certatin things need to be done at certain age. Gone are the days when one marries just to please the parents and then live a loveless 1.5 cars, 2.5 children, joint family with mamiyar and marumagal fights and so on. Gone are the days when one gets married because of parents' guilt trip.
ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Dondu N. Raghavan:
ReplyDeleteYou are my father’s age and I am again hearing my father on the net. I would also recommend you to visit my earlier blogs on marriage.
http://inthehandsofgrahas.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_archive.html
I deeply respect your words and accept the fact that once my parents are gone I will be alone. What if I tell you that I am already prepared for living alone? Who in the world guarantees living together till the last breath? The partners whom we chose to be with don’t stay with us till the end. Tell me statistically if all the husbands and wives in the world die at the same time. So many widows and widowers have been subject to torture and verbal abuse by their own sons and daughters-in-law.
While you have so many bachelors repenting their lost lives while I have so many Mamas and Mamis repenting for having given birth to kids who throw them in old age homes. Unfortunately wisdom dawns only at an older age, both for your bachelor friends and for my married mamas. We all have lessons to learn in life. Some learn through friends, some through spouses, some through kids and some through the rest of the world. Today 50% of Mylapore Mamis have kids residing in the US and they are here all alone with their Mama flaunting their Pashmina Shawls and enjoy the December season and the canteen gossips. But deep within there is an emotional void and begetting children never got them the security and happiness. Today there are either at the mercy of their relatives or live at elderly homes. Remember nothing is life is guaranteed.
So many bachelors and spinsters have lived happy life. The world seems to suffer from comma of company and marriage. Majority of the society believes that there is happiness in marriage and they jump into it. Today increasing divorce rates is the proof of the pudding. Marriage brings its own set of responsibilities and people who are not comfortable should not get into if for the sake because it creates bitterness in life.
JK says everything in this world is escapism. Some chose to get married, some chose to concentrate on their career, some chose to work for the society. All that we do in life is to escape from reality and delay the answer to the question “Who am I?”
Let us not marry for the reason such as not wanting to be alone, and incapable of handling ourselves emotionally. The concept of continuing lineage is another psychological fixation and aberration that human race suffers from. Man always is greedy and wants to leave a trace of his gene pool somewhere in the world. For what is my question? Do they want a lineage to perpetrate more crimes on mother earth and with more dedication and sincerity?
People who have not planned their life and their time are the ones who repent at a later point. Life is a buffet and we have choices to make in life. If we make right choices with our freewill there is definitely room to over ride our fate.
If you would give me an opportunity I would like to counsel your bachelor friends. The world has plethora of human species both to marvel at and to mock. Not everybody is of the same emotional need – some can exist by themselves while some thrive only when there is company. People need to gauge their needs and wants and decide accordingly. The bird in the cage wants to get out and the bird outside wants to get into the cage. The grass is always greener on the other side.
I hope I have not offended your sense and sensibilities. Forgive me if I did so.
Thanks
Chandra
Hey anonymous:
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your marriage equation of 1.5 cars, 2.5 children, joint family with mamiyar and marumagal fights and so on...
Lol!
i have read all these comments.i feel we r getting a bit too hard on these mami's.i m not sure if they coment or interfere in our life just to tease us may b its human nature to inquire into ones life or they have ample time or they have faith by their words they can change our life.anyways they add a spice to life.
ReplyDeleteits equally true that we hav duties toward parents but on the same time we r individuall too.
regarding the issue of marriage or being single its one own personal matter.neither single living is bad nor getting married its all depend on perception.
happiness reside within ourself and in our attitude it is upto us at what we r looking.
marriage should not b imposed or under pressure of society or just 4 the sake of getting married.
by this i dont mean to say remain single.if u come across some body with whom u think u can live ur whole life go 4 it.
i m sure our intitution or heart will tell us and let keep ourself open to find such a person.if u get u r lucky if not its again ur luck....but dont b a prey to mami's.
frankly i say nobody can make a line of difference that only single living is good or married life is heaven.
every aspect has its own prows n crons let people decide 4 themselves
Graeat writeup... you've echoed my sentiments into words perfectly... society just doesn't allow kids to do what they like to do... from education to job to marriage... hope u njoi whatever u do in like....
ReplyDeleteVarun:
ReplyDeleteLife is all about making choice and making them right. Life is a paintbrush without any eraser and most of the times people thrust upon their views to paint your picture of life, but you can have their suggestions on the fence but never let them paint your picture.
Hi LIAB:
ReplyDeleteKudos to you. I agree with you 100%.
chandra, you really are a good writer (Its not that you need praises, though). You spoke the guts of every single unmarried man in an orthodox society, like India
ReplyDeleteChandra, some men in India choose to stay single because they can not live their same sex partner like heterosexual couples. And thanks to our Indian Penal Code which criminalises same sex relationships and at the same time acquits scandalous and criminal politicians. I am single too and I have no fear in saying that I am gay, though my parents would be heart-broken if i say so to them. In every conversation i have with them over the phone from the UK, it inevitably ends with a note of 'whathaveidecidedaboutmymarriage'. Now my parents have come to a truce with me. They say I can get married whenever i want..
Would call you soon..
Vijay
Nowhere do I see a Mylapore Mami defending herself!
ReplyDeleteIt is in our culture, guys. We don't have a dating system, which is accepted totally, (but for a few enlightened families ); so all these young guys have to be helped along - what better way than a few mamis to do it?
You can even tell them if you have someone in mind!
And ultimately, we ( I am one Mylapore Mami too) do have your interests at heart.
BTW, the mami in your blog is cute.
Since misery loves company, the Mylapore maamis are conspiring to get you to the same state they are in.
ReplyDeleteOh and it doesn't end with the maamis. Every person i meet is obsessed wth marriage. First question i hear at every Desi party : "So, You came to US with your huzbend aa?" ugh!!!
ReplyDeleteRead my take here:
http://bengloorgirlindenver.blogspot.com/2006/11/why-isnt-she-married-yet-poor-girl.html
3rd 8-il seyandhadhu thirumanam alla.
ReplyDelete4-m 8-il peradhadhu kuzhandhaiyum alla.
That's all folks!
And I know every single one who read this blog is married! Don't deny.
disgusting. in the usa the generation in the nursing homes fought in the world war and lived through the great depression.
ReplyDeletethese people suffered and sacrificed their lives to make america what it is today. america wasn't always a well known place..after wwii did america take the center of the world stage, but it was by accident. america never wanted to fight in wwii.
to see these people who lived through this time in world history put in nursing homes is disgusting. how selfish and stupid people can be. they can talk all the science and carnatic music expertise they want, but they can't take care of a simple human being!
people are getting beaten, drugged, neglected, abused in these facilities. the goal is to be money making ventures...make money off of someones misery an vulnerabilities. i am against nursing homes.
anyway, i'm sooooooo shocked at how india is changing.
in america no one will care for you if it involves money. you're on your own. you want individuality, in america you'll get it, but you have to foot the bill for it. you want someone to help you, sorry you got to pay for that too. there is no free lunch. you want someone to talk to you, you got to make it quick, time is money.
in india they say what they think because they think it's healthy not to keep things stuck in the mind and fester. in america, they won't say anything because they don't want you to sue them for any liabilities. say they give you advice and it doesn't work out and so you sue them. better not to say anything at all.
in america its about being politically correct, i mean if you're in a business to make money, why get the customer mad, the customer is always right, that's what it takes to get their dollars to put you ahead. they're not going to say anything that might hurt you feelings. but a mami will.
it takes a village to raise a child. she is your mami. in america you don't say auntie or mami. she's not related to you. she is mrs so and so. not auntie. please, that's too personal. these mamis consider you their own relative. that is our culture, to you everyone is your relation.
i remember once i was told i was looking fat. now i was feeling really mad about that. but then i realized wait a minute, every time i eat salty food, i retain water and my body swells up. i then looked up the salt content of the restaurant food i was eating and it was loaded to the extreme with salt. i was so happy someone told me i was looking fat. right away i lowered my salt intake and i became normal again. mamis say things not to offend, but to point out things you might not be aware of. my american friends never said anything!!!!! maybe they didn't want to offend, or they are not in that habit to comment. but i was so grateful i was told i was fat.
if you can't take the truth, you'll only be told lies.*****
in america people will lie to you, because they know by telling you want you want to hear, they'll get your business. okay say your house looks so ugly, but someone wants to make a deal with you, they'll say oh what a beautiful house you have, you'll feel good because i'm sure sales research shows when a customer is in a good mood they're more inclined to make a purchase...that's one reason why customer service is so big in america, to put the customer in a good mood so they'll make a purchase. who shops in a bad mood.
i get nagged all the time. it can hurt, but i understand it too.
but, i think you'll get nagged regardless...even americans wll nag you...what you don't drink, what you don't date, what you don't go to clubs...what you want to be modest...
amercia has its stupid pressures too.
i'm not sure what the answer is..
when these mamis come over can't you leave if it bothers you so much? if there are bad mamis, then go to the good mamis, like our elderly lady carnatic musicians...
ReplyDeleteno matter what, if there is something different about you than the norm, you will be talked about.
if you're a bird with purple polka dots vs a bird that blends into he forest, you're an easy target. even in nature, a bird of this sort will be attacked.
its just how people are..
in america i'm sure in india there is this stupid tabloid culture. every time i go shopping at the supermarket there are racks and racks of tabloid gossip, single, married, they will be gossiped about in pages, and there are so many tabloid channels! even on the daily news, celebrity gossip.
you will be talked about regardless, it's never ending...
whether married, single, you will be talked about...in america, india, you will be talked about....
i think the dating live in girlfriend idea is terrible...it doesn't mean anything. i know people who did that and still broke up.
the problem is people are not connecting with the divine. that's all**********
our arranged marriage system is you don't marry the person you love, you learn to love the person you marry. YOU LEARN. no one wants to learn.
if marriages don't work out, i don't marriage is to blame, it's the individual person is to blame.
people need to just correct themselves if they're giving someone and the society a hard time. our energies need to go to this, helping people become happy so their families become happy... not creating more divorce courts and dating events.
i mean if you work in a company trying to meet consumer demand for a stupid product, you can't meet the demand, customers complain, you get yelled at by your boss, you go home, take it out on you wife because she can't do anything to you like sue you or fire you, wife gets upset, you go back to work, the same thing happens, you yell at wife...
i mean every single person needs to realize our karma affects us all. if you shout at apple for not getting your ipod on time, well, your shouting goes to the boss, your shouting then goes to the employee, your shouting then goes to the wife... i mean what we see in this world is nothing but our own kama at work...that is why marriages fail...we as a society are failing....we as individuals are failing in learning how to control ourselves.
i wonder about when the upanishads say that art thou....
i'm not sure mamis do what they do because they power trip over their mami status...or they really want to help...and well that's just a girl thing...whether young or old...boys do it too...i see young indian boys trying to get their friends linked up with a prospective girl...i'm not sure if its genuine or they just want a quick visa...
ReplyDeletei'm just shocked at how india is changing, it's like kali yuga to the extreme. drinking, smoking, dating, divorcing, clubbing, dumping parents in nursing homes...
first people cry that they don't have anything to eat, then they cry they don't have a job, then they cry they were discriminated against, then they cry they don't have a boyfriend, then they cry that there are no good clubs, then they cry that they were dumped...
it's like people are never satisfied...never ending...i can never take anyone seriously...
its like the story of adam and eve, GOD gave everything to them, they didn't have to worry about anything. BUT STILL they were unhappy, they wanted that fruit of knowledge offered by the snake. now, let's think, why when you have everything GOD gives you what other knowledge could there be, its a sham, there is no fruit of knowledge, but they accepted it from the snake and well everything was taken away from them and they had to work to survive.
when you have good health, why drink, smoke and do drugs? when you have sunlight, why go out in the dark late night, when you have parents and family to keep a protective eye on you, why fool around when no one is looking, when you have money, why gamble, when you are educated, why act dumb to seem cool, when you have naturally curly hair, why straighten it with toxic chemicals, i mean your hair is prone to thin out in old age imagine speeding up the process, when you have brown skin, why bleach it (fair and lovely is a bleach cream) and make yourself prone to melanoma, when you have clean new pants, why wear ripped jeans, when you have well installed electricity, why put toxic gels in your hair and comb it to make it look sticking up as if you got electrocuted, when taxes are at a certain level, why cause them to go up by expecting the police and health care workers to address the problems you're causing by your behaviors, (umm if you drive drunk and cause an accident, that's tax payer dollars that have to pay for that, when people are out late night, police have to be paid to keep an eye on things), why when people finally have the opportunity to gain wealth they use it to destroy themselves and the society? it's like you come out of poverty to put yourself back into poverty, a social poverty?