A Rash “trap” athi or Rash “trash” pathi?

When I tuned the Ham radio last weekend, I intercepted a weird but an honest conversation. Just like we earthizens worry about comets being spotted in the sky, meteors invading the earth, and Venus coming between Earth and Sun, the two voices, sounded like aliens, were discussing about the Presidential race in India.

Voice 1: Her term is coming to an end soon.

Voice 2: Whose pregnancy are you talking about? Ash delivered Beti B long back!

V1: Oh come on, I mean India’s first Women President. The lady drapes a cloth over head and looks older than Monalisa. But I must confess that both women have a mysterious smile on their face. BTW, her name is Pratibha Patil’s and her front teeth jut out like a squirrel.

V2: Does Presidential race mean anything in India and to Indians, given the history?

V1: Oh, don’t be so quick to decide the 60 year old presidential history in the country based on the outgoing president, but look at the precedents. Remember, the President of India enjoys executive power, judicial power, military power, diplomatic power, financial power, and pardoning power.

V2: Really? I thought the President post in India is ceremonial (spelt as seri - menial, seri in Tamil means ok!)

V1: Haven’t you seen how influential Dr. Abdul Kalam turned out to be? He used his executive powers diligently when Sonia wanted the Prime Minister throne and he connected so well with the masses that they want him back on that seat. He is always a People’s President.

V2: Well I have only seen Ms. Devi Singh tour countries, behave like a rubber stamp and now exercising her pardoning powers to convert death penalty to life term on her way out. Btw, she hasn’t extended her pardoning powers to the killers of Rajiv Gandhi.

V1: The Presidential race has created a calamity in the nation. It has brought out the devilish side in allies, created rifts with the party, brought together accomplices and exposed the old rift between allies. Chief Ministers have suddenly realized their power and started to throw their nominations at the ever hungry press that turns every sneeze, hiss and kiss into breaking news.

V2: Don’t get me started on the press, though we all know that Press is the first half of “Pres”ident!

V1: Jaya“Lolita” and Nitish Kumar (Bihari Babu) were the first ones to announce their candidate. And when Mamata and Mulayam Singh came forward with their list of candidates, it appeared the UPA was headed to a tumultuous collapse. M & M’s press meet dwarfed Jaya and Nitish and made them look stupid, but Mulayam’s sudden “U”ttar Pradesh turn smeared the misthi all over Mamata’s face. And on the day of UPA’s announcement of Presidential candidate, Sonia dressed in a green saree with pink border emerged like a lotus in a pool of marsh.

V2: Sonia, Pra“nabbed” to ensure Congress has some hold even if her party doesn’t form the next government at the Center. Despite he miserably failing as a Finance Minister,  she  elevated him to the post of President. Is that a promotion for performance or for non-performance? It is definitely a democrazy!

V1: News Channels turned the occasion into a reality show. They professed their own conspiracy theories, put up their scenarios and numbers and almost go ready to declare the result way before the election and bring in mid-term polls. They indecently hounded party spokesperson, leaders and candidates for sound and video bytes that turned into dynamites!

V2: BTW, I didn’t get to see Renuka Choudhary, the Silk Smitha of Congress on the dirty picture. BJP spokesperson Nirmala Seetharaman when hounded by Arnab Goswami on Times Now last week, kept herself cool and aloof like our neighbor Pluto. She is my choice for India’s President.

V1: The nation never knew PA Sangma came from a Tribal community and they were suddenly jinxed and jolted when he asserted his candidature on behalf of 100 million Adivasis in the country. Where was he when the tribals’ revolted against Posco? And when his own party, NCP didn’t support his candidature, he resigned from the party. BTW, Sangma on the interview made Kalam contesting the second term for President sound like Shobha De’s serial marriages (read as escapade)!

V2: All said and done, our friend who launches objects from earth into our space, the respectful Kalamji kept away from lights, camera and microphones, while ensuring he has enough propellant to get him on the orbit and on a victorious journey. But in the end it turned out to be a “Rash”trap”athi moment for him.

V1: Opposition leader and his NDA alliance are still deciding their nominee a week after UPA decided theirs. While CMs within their parties ignored the Presidential nomination are busy fighting and finding a secular candidate for the PM post. I thought it race was for the Presidential seat and there was still time for the PM seat.

V2: Sadly the presidential race turned the country into a mad house and brought out the ugly side in allies, regional parties, press, Chief Ministers, and candidates thereby humiliating the institution of democracy and people's faith in electing the first citizen of the nation.

V1: It is not our land, so who cares if it is Rashtrapathi Bhavan or “Rash trash pathi Bhavan”? Before Kapil Sibal intercepts our conversation, blocks the airwaves in the space and intrude our freedom of speech, let us sign-off! Rahul has been out of action and in hiding ever since UP poll disaster. Watch you if he is loitering somewhere in our part of the galaxy.