Just an afternoon ramble

A colleague of mine stopped by my desk to confirm if I was single. And when I confirmed what he had heard was correct, I could see a priceless smile laced with a tinge jealousy on his face. It was almost a neighbors’ envy owner’s pride moment! I stoked his smoldering jealousy by asking him about his marriage and family. At one point in the conversation, he opened up like the monsoon cloud and said, “I was in a dilemma if I should go for the second child, and I thought about time, quality and resources needed to bring up the second one, but it is too late and my second child is 6 months away from delivery.”

I didn’t know how to react or respond to him, but I reassured him that most children are bedroom accidents and every parent must be going through a similar quandary though society believes that every human ought to be a parent and by birth possess parental qualities and resources to rear children.

After he left my desk, I thought about child birth and responsibility from his perspective. Time, resource, patience, dedication all seem to be a scarcely available commodity in today’s world and why would I want to bring in another life and take additional responsibility of earning, providing, sacrificing, worrying and expecting - beyond my means and bounds?

While at my desk, the same colleague also shared his unfruitful ordeal searching for good schools for his son and the same week an ex-colleague called up to share her anxiety behind college admission for her son who recently passed 12th grade. Are these people really ready for such parental responsibilities or are they prepared pick-up required skill in the process of raising children or are they clueless in simple terms, is to be researched.

In the east, the moment the child is conceived parents decide the profession of the child, while in the west they think about providing an independent room for the child and giving it a space to play, think and be on its own. Irrespective of East or West, are parents playing their role and dispensing their responsibilities without expecting returns for their hard work, long nights, and innumerable sacrifices?

Religions may have sanctified the act of procreation to keep-up the numbers following their faith by portraying abortion and contraception as evil and sinful. Hinduism calls this stage of life as grihasthashrama and glories it as a requirement to cross the ocean of samsara to graduate to the next stage of life, Vaanaprastha. Looking around, I only see these religions has only increased the population and left married couple float and flounder in unending unhappiness and eternal worry in the name of samsara.

For no fault of theirs:

· Bright couples give birth to a kid with Down’s syndrome

· Poor couple have to send their bright kids to work than to school or college

· Orthodox couples have to deal with their child coming out gay

· Elders have to swallow their grandchildren marrying outside the caste or some have to come to terms with their grandchildren divorcing

· Rich parents need to swallow their kids’ addiction to alcohol, drugs and etc.

· And sometimes when everything about the kids is right, they prematurely die

· Righteous couples get taken for a ride by their daughters-in-law and some get thrown into old age homes

And every time when children fail to live up to expectations, people (relatives and friends) in the name of society cast aspersion on parenting and crucify them for every action of their children. And when things go out of control society blames parents for their bad karma from previous birth, making present life a living hell. Who is to blame for this -Is it society or children? The perfect chicken or egg question!

All this brings the joy and fruits of parenting to a big question mark. Is it worth the pain, sacrifice and risk? Does parenting come with fine and invisible print? Is parenting a gamble with no guarantees, promises and happiness? I have no answers, but just this one liner- It is important that you evaluate your life and the disappointments you brought to your parents before you turn out to be one and also ask if you have the necessary qualities to be a parent. The world may call me barren and selfish for being single and childless, but is lot easier than being a parent and saddled with blames and disappointments. Watching a priceless smile laced with jealousy on a colleagues face is better than bearing the brunt and blame from society.