Social Experiments

Technology constantly runs social experiments on people and puts human interaction to test. Some of us adopt and adapt, while some of us just deny entertaining such opportunities. Let me be honest, I prefer organic conversations (writing an email or face-to-face interaction); but nevertheless Skype is an acceptable substitute. And the recent experience confirmed that getting into someone's personal boundary also belongs to the category of social experiment.

I must confess that my Paris sojourn has brought in a regular flow of friends to my place; who've helped my discover the city and comfortable places in my own house. Should I call it making memories? And the large hide-a-bed in my living room doubled up as a comfortable resting place for these tired visitors and tourists.

I have travelled with both men and women and we've often shared rooms and beds during our trips. Not sure what the world around imagined about us, but it is fun to trick the world the world into thinking the obvious. And in the process we end up learning more about ourselves and our friendship has gotten stronger. 

Individual spaces and boundaries define who we are and sometimes when the boundary gets redrawn we explore the new territories. My friend comes from a culture where every newborn has its own space, while I come from the culture where a family always sleeps together. And we've known each other for over eight years; we lived in the same city for sometime,we've done vacations to together and we've even slept besides each other in many cities: Maine, Hampi, Paris, Amsterdam. That has trained him to carry ear plugs to block out my snore. 

When I was growing up, individuals room was a luxury at home. My siblings and I slept together for over 17 years and during summer we slept won't our parents since the house had only one air-conditioner. Things started to change when I left home at 18 and it took me a while before I felt secure sleeping by myself. After 22 years of going to bed by myself, I felt sharing beds could affect each other's sleep quality from tossing, turning and nasal disturbances. And I was about to find out the answer from a 15-day trial.

And when he came to visit me this month, the hide-a-bed in the living room stopped working. I didn't know how he felt when I delivered the message about sharing the bed until he went back home and messaged me a week later. 

Over the two years, I perfected the art of making my bed comfortable for one and two to converse and sleep. By facing each other the bed gave us an opportunity to enjoy a face2face conversation without having to twist our necks, and we had more rooms when we flipped on our sides without having to touch/disturb each other. 

Since I had the habit of sleeping early, he would stop watching television and would come in lay down next to me to enjoy a long conversation before we both fell asleep. While in bed we both ensured mutual comfort and had interesting conversations on a variety of topics ranging from foreign policy, elderly parents, professional life, our futures, etc. before we fell asleep. And in the morning, I would ensure that my departure from the bed didn't disturb his sleep and I even closed door to prevent sunlight from entering the room. Some days he was awake and we spoke about places he should visit during the day and our meeting plans for the evening.

One of those nights, I asked my friend when was the last time he shared beds. He said it was a few years ago when we did a vacation together in Maine and then quickly went back to share an experience sleeping besides a female classmate. But then confirmed this was longest duration he had ever slept besides a man. But was it good or bad?

We all get used to the luxuries of life and technology and when we are forced to live without it, it becomes painful. Yes, that also includes getting used to an empty space besides me on my bed and we were both getting used to it. 

Yesterday, we were both awake after midnight, and it had hardly been 10 days since he visited me. After discussing about our weekend, he confessed missing our long conversations and trouble getting used to sleeping alone. I echoed his feelings and continued to toss and turn with a hope to quickly fall asleep. 15-day trial period didn't come with an extension :)

I realized that non functioning of the hide-a-bed made us participate in social experiment that put us in touch with our true feelings. What kept me awake last night apart from the coffee that I had at 5pm was having an opportunity to have a room-mate who doubled up as a good friend. How brilliant would it be to meet up with him after work and catch a movie in the middle of week, wander around the town on Friday nights and bake together on Sunday afternoons. I convinced him of our soon-to-start Exotic Marigold Hotel in India. Until then, I'm eagerly waiting for my friend's next trip.