Belch, bitch or/and bless?

Vulgar display of intricately woven kancheevarams and glitter of Kolar and Kohinoor instantly submerged me in an island of penury. I escaped the air of jasmine and found a seat far away from the (f)action pit enjoying the mellifluous music emanating from the Nadhaswarams. It was funny to watch the wind power of the Nadhaswara vidwan competing with the wickedness and word power of our Mamis. Finally it was priests who manage to successfully mute Mamis’ and Musicians and getting attention back on the dais. Noise, fervor, gaiety or gala, wedding is one occasion that usually brings lot of relatives together, and gives them an opportunity to catch up and meet all of them under one roof. Definitely a beehive!

Everybody goes ga ga about weddings, and even foreigners enamored to wed our way, but do you realize that there is so much more to our weddings than just rituals and crowd?

We all must have watched this a hundred times and some in multiples of hundreds, but have you ever wondered the type, kind and quality of conversations people engage in a social and public setting? Today I decided ignore the usual stuff – music, chat, food, etc. and instead focus on the conversations, literally be a fly on the chair. My intentions were not to participate but to listen into gossips, understand the subject and object of gossip, and examine the quality. Is it silly or is it serious stuff? Is it halal or all bloody? Do happy people gossip or unhappy souls’ gossip?

Parking these questions and smell of jasmine aside, I went in search of the gossip brew. I was reminded of Hanuman going in search of herb Sanjeevani? :-)

Every time I pass by them, I face the same question, when are you going to feed us? (Implied meaning – when are you going to get married?). The moment I turn my back, I am sure they will have enough stuff to bitch about me.

Place: Bitch hive 1
Subject: Me
Readers stop here! Get a cup of masala chai, forget the extra dash of Ginger, I promise to give you that.

Mami 1: This guy has studied in America, managed to get multiple degrees, visited many temples in India, and works at a Senior level for an IT company, eligible guy but why is he still single?
Mami 2: May be he has potency problems or probably a love affair with an outside the caste girl?
Mami 3: If he delays for another year he will only get widows and divorcees (second hands) to marry.
Mami 4: Hmmm….Lots of money in the family, but no opportunity for wife and progeny. Don’t know if it is graham dosham or curse that came with the wealth or some ancestral curse in the family?

Wow…within minutes frisk me with their eyes, analyzed my life, lifestyle and cast aspersions on my biological, physiological well-being and my astrological chart too. Why do they make their analysis on actions and karma sound so scientific, and make them look like sisters to Newton and Einstein? Why do Mamis’ think it is their birth right to be judgmental and obnoxious? May be it is time we recommend them for Noble Gossip Prize.

Place: Bitch hive 2
Subject: Avantika (a newly wedded girl), her husband(Kaushik) and mother in-law (Raji)enter the marriage hall.

Mami 1: Avantika is a shrewd; within the first month of marriage she has managed separate Kaushik from Raji. Look at Kaushik holding her pallu and walking like a domestic cat.
Mami 2: The same cook who comes to my neighbors house goes to Raji’s house. I heard from her that Avantika is ultra modern, comes home late at night and sleeps till 9 AM. Look at her she doesn’t even wear toe ring and Mangalyam. She has cut and colored her hair.
Mami 3: Raji is traditional while her daughter-in-law blouse resembles a French door, not even a window! What a combination of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! All Kali yuga!
Mami 4: Did you notice that Raji is not talking to her sister-in-law, may be they’re still upset over the property dispute? Let me talk to Raji while I take her for breakfast, while you should talk to her sister-in-law to get the scoop.

It was no different than dialogues that we get to hear and see on soaps. I was moving from one bitch hive to another bitch hive, but I felt like a tornado chaser, excited, powerful and at times intrigued.

Why are these Mamis’ intolerant to others happiness and success? Why do they ruthlessly judge people based on their clothes and life journey? Why do they decide your worthiness? Why connect unrelated dots and purport their logic? Why Mamis’ deface and talk ill of their community and clan?

I must confess that sometimes these bitch hives make interesting news than newspapers, tea stalls and media houses. Remember these hungry reptiles walloping their sticky tongue can turn you into a prey in seconds.

Place: Bitch hive 3
Subject: Sharadha mami (a fresh widow, like freshly brewed coffee)passes by the hive.
Mami 1: It is hardly 3 months since Sharadha Mami’s husband expired she has come for the wedding.
Mami 2: Atlast Mami looks happy. She was suffering with her drunkard husband for 15 years and finally when he died of liver cirrhosis. He left with 2 lakh hospital bill and a 15 lakh house loan.
Mami 3: Did you know that Sharadha’s daughter eloped with a Kerala Muslim guy soon after her husband’s death? What a life time and experience for Sharadha! Hope Sharadha will get to see light in her life through her son.

You may have learnt to deal with your problems, smile through trials and tribulations, but Mamis’ have a different way to weighing and analyzing your life. Why do they decide your sadness and happiness and conveniently equate and substitute money with sorrow and sorrow with money? Never mistake their sympathy, it is often filled with jealousy and malice. Nobody can be happy in their eyes and in their world!

Place: Bitch hive 4
Subject: Bride, groom and their parents come on the dias for engagement ceremony.
Mami 1: Brides father works in Income-tax. No wonder he is able to host the wedding at Mayor Ramanathan hall, hire Arusuvai to cook for the wedding and Sudha Raghunathan concert for reception? Did you know Janvasam will be in the new Skoda car that he bought from the groom
Mami 2: Did you see the “Seer varisai”? It seems 100 kgs of Silver utensils and 150 sovereigns were given to the girl. I hear the brides wedding sarees were all made to order.
Mami 3: Wait and watch black money will not last. It will go the way it came. God alone knows how many months this marriage will last.
Mami 4: Rasam was salty, sambar was watery, payasam had burnt smell and the snacks smells of sunflower oil. Moreover, there was no one to receive us and exchange pleasantries at the entrance.
Mami 5: I asked the Bride’s father if he can arrange for a drop us to Vadapalani, it is not safe to go with jewels in Auto.

This is just a sample of what I have heard over a period of time. The four bitch hives literally gave me hives. I couldn’t handle the mudslinging, slander and judgments. I found there was nothing halal about them!

They trashed the father a few minutes ago, but now they shamelessly ask for a drop back home. Well there are some people who are kind enough to discuss people outside the wedding hall. Aren’t these people opportunists? Would you imagine that these women were invited to bless the couple? Would you imagine the amount of hard work that must have gone in putting this wedding together?

It is often sad to see some of your aunts and uncles and own blood also aligning with this clan. Do we really have to re-write the adage, “blood is thicker than water but it stains and stinks too”. Are these people your well-wishers?

In the name of catching up, meeting people and socially networking there is a huge percentage that makes it worse than Facebook and Twitter! The smell of jasmine comes with the stench of malice and gossip. Next time when you receive a wedding invite ask yourself if you are you going there to bash, bitch, and/or bless. If you are going for the last one, then it is best see them in private after the wedding and save yourself from the deranged Mami mafia.

Vasthrabhaharanam by Chandrasekaran!

Will Madras Mamis’ accept this Rose?

The entire Madras is awating to see Rose on television now. Will she make it big or will she be gagged by moral police in Madras? Chennai is a very conservative and hypocritical and famous for slapping women on the wrist when it comes to candid talks and opinions on public platforms. We saw this take an ugly shape with Kushboo for her remarks on pre-martial sex, Shirya and Namitha for their revealing costume at public gathering.

After Narthaki Natraj, a transvestite danseuse, Rose alias Ramesh Venkatesan will be the next one to take the lime light. In her soon to be aired talkshow “Ippadikku Rose” she will discuss on issues pertaining to transvestite and other lifestyles with the hope of bringing reprieve to alternate genders and lifestyle in the state. With the present CM launching a slew of scheme for transvestites, are we on our way to be a liberated society? Is Chennai ready for its first Transvestive talk show hostess? I am cautiously optimistic.

Enjoy Rose’s fragrance from NY Times

Chennai Journal
Tackling a Society’s Boundaries, on TV and in a Family
Adam Ferguson for The New York Times

Rose Venkatesan, India’s first trans-gender TV host, sits on set during the production of the television series ‘Ippudikku Rose’ (Yours, Rose), at Prasad Studios in Chennai, India, on Saturday, February 16, 2008.

By AMELIA GENTLEMAN
Published: February 20, 2008
CHENNAI, India — India’s newest talk show host, billed as the local Oprah Winfrey, hitched up her sari and looked for her stylist’s approval. “Very feminine. You look gorgeous, like a goddess,” he said, smiling reassuringly, as he braided a garland of fresh jasmine into her hair.

Rose, host of a new Tamil-language show, was once known as Ramesh Venkatesan.
“The sari is the most flattering garment,” he added, as he touched up her makeup minutes before the cameras started rolling. “It disguises manly shoulders, takes attention away from a masculine neck.”

A complex procedure even for experienced hands, the process of tying a sari is particularly hard for Rose, who was raised as a boy, and used to be known as Ramesh Venkatesan. Her mother never taught her the skill and refuses to see her wear one. Even so, the outcome was flawless.

When it is broadcast on Vijay television to an audience of up to 64 million people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu later this month, “Ippadikku Rose” (“Yours, Rose”) is expected to cause a sensation, introducing India’s first transgender celebrity to television.

The show’s director, Anthony Thirunelveli, said the half-hour talk show had been conceived as a program suitable for family viewing but would discuss issues of sex and sexuality, confronting “hush, hush, under the carpet subjects.” The first nine episodes will tackle, among other things, divorce, sex and relationships among the mostly young employees in India’s call centers, and sexual harassment.

The main attraction will be Rose herself, who now goes by only one name. A poised, 28-year-old, American-educated former Web site designer with a master’s degree in biomedical engineering, she started wearing women’s clothes full time four years ago and is still waiting for acceptance from her family and society at large.

If nothing else, the show will start to propel downtrodden groups of transsexuals, or hijras, into the mainstream. Known as the third sex, most are born male but see themselves as women.

Hijras appear in positive roles in Indian mythology, but modern society has tended to be less tolerant. A majority are shunned by their families. Many find it impossible to obtain conventional jobs and turn instead to begging and sex work for a living.

“Transgenders in India are seen as immoral and evil,” Rose said, calmly leafing through the script of her first show — an interview with a prostitute about her recently published autobiography. “I will break that image by being articulate, intelligent and a bit like the girl next door.”

“This is a radical development,” she added. “There have been transsexuals in Indian movies, but always as the object of ridicule or as villains. This is the first time in the history of Indian television that a transgender person has been featured as a television anchor.”

Pradeep Milroy Peter, who leads programming at Vijay, a Tamil-language channel owned by Rupert Murdoch, acknowledged that he was nervous about how the show would be received.

“We don’t know how much acceptance there will be,” he said, straining to make himself heard as builders, electricians and lighting technicians hurried to finish the set. “We are crossing our fingers. The market has a craving for talk shows, but this one comes with a difference. It’s very experimental.”

His anxieties are understandable in a country where the boundaries of sexual tolerance are shifting daily, with much uncertainty and unpredictability. Fashion TV was briefly banned for showing too much flesh; a film star’s career was threatened after comments that appeared to condone premarital sex; and fringe political groups like nothing better than to stir noisy (and often spurious) paroxysms of moral outrage.

The channel was not searching for controversy, but executives were so impressed by Rose’s screen presence and determination to fight prejudice that they agreed instantly to give her a show despite her lack of experience.

“People here will not openly let transsexuals into their homes,” Rose said, disclosing that she had deliberately isolated herself from college friends and neighbors to avoid rejection. Her middle-class parents threw her out when she announced to a group of 40 family members, gathered to agree on a suitable bride for her arranged marriage, that she was not interested in women.

“I’d already grown my hair long and had laser treatment for my facial hair, but they were still hoping I’d act like a boy,” she said. “There was utter silence when I told them.” For a while, she supported herself by working in a call center, but her contract was not renewed after she started dressing as a woman. In the hustling streets of Chennai, she is always stared at and sometimes abused.

Recently, she has returned to live with her parents, but the pressure to conform to societal expectations remains strong. “They are like, ‘O.K., you are a transsexual, but don’t dress like that at home, and please get married.’ ” There is quiet hostility to the talk show project from her mother, who still hides Rose’s dresses and jewelry whenever she gets a chance. Only her grandmother has given her blessings for the show.

Rose said attitudes were no less hostile in parts of the United States, where she had spent three years studying at Louisiana Tech University. “There, people were aggressively homophobic,” she said. “America is very hypocritical when it comes to its stand on sexual minorities. Historically, India was very progressive about this until the British came and imposed a Victorian sense of morality, which still remains.”

Editing the program will be a delicate dance around invisible frontiers.

“The show will be groundbreaking, but we have to think about our audience,” said Mr. Peter, the Vijay television executive. “South Indians are very reserved, very conservative.” Sex before marriage might be discussed, but only in the context of college graduates, not anyone younger. Gay rights would be tackled in the abstract, but not gay relationships.
Rose said she had no desire to shock, but just hoped that she would be watched.

“As a person, I am very open, but this is a big television channel which goes out to millions of people,” she said. “We don’t want any bad reaction.”

She said she felt it would be fine to talk about hormone therapy and her coming sex change operation. But discussing her true feelings about marriage, for example, would still be too much of a taboo.

“If you were to ask me, I would say that marriage is unnatural and causes most of the problems in married people’s lives,” she said. “But marriage is such an established concept in Indian life, I won’t be able to question it. I don’t want to frighten people away. I want to reach out to them.”