Navarathri - Mami….Sundall….Gossip….

I was not really looking forward for the day not because it was Oct 2, 2008, a public holiday or they had banned smoking in public places, but because my mother had invited her notorious and obnoxious Mami clan home for the annual Navarathri festival. What is it with Navrathi and women? Is gossiping a part of the Navrathra ritual? Does the festival turn women into hungry cockroaches that scamper around the neighborhood for food and gossip? Is there “HIT” or “Baygon Spray” available for the Mamis?

Whether Durga, Lakshmi or Saraswathi came together on this occasion, but Mamis, sundall and gossip always come together for Navrathri. If you came early there was first hand gossip served hot, free and sumptuously. Saas Bahus aka brokers/scalpers always trade hotter stocks than what is traded on Sensex and NIFTY!

Navrathri festivals were not this bad until I turned 25 because I got all the attention and free publicity, and I found a place in the Mamimapia, and their Linkedin without any subscription or prior registration. But now that I am 30+, single and an eligible bachelor, and all is get is lime, and light from the Mami world. Should I call this the webpower of Mamis’, planetary influence or their wrath?

From NY to Mylapore the Mami clan seems to behave the same way. When I used to do my routine weekend temple visits the Mami clan would try to entice me with a friendly smile and at times with free food all just to know my marriage status, my gothram and my parent’s number. Atleast they are a minority in the US but in India I have no option to escape their wrath. Should I placate any planets to escape their wrath?

I was more worried about turning into a hot snack to go with the sundal and panagam than walk the red carpet. Who was going to be the center of attraction was it me or my single status or the dolls that adorned the shelves?

Call it peristalsis or medically whatever, the very thought of their evening rendezvous left a weird churn in my stomach. I was afraid of the gait with which these polyester Padmas’, nylon Nirmalas’, silk Smithas’ and Sungudi Saraswathis’ would parade into the house and on the pre-text of watching the golu and start their “arattai kutchery” and before I know my single status will be discussed publicly like the financial market meltdown. Do I have a bailout plan?

Dad was equally pissed off with mom for having this gathering on a holiday. Are these Mamis’ so bad towards single men and married men? Atleast I had a reason to avoid them, but what reason did the 60 year old man have? May be he was too tired seeing them all his life?

There was a lot of commotion in the house from dawn that day. Servants arrived before time and were working hard to make the house look spiffy, while mom was busy soaking peas and grating coconut for the evening high protein snack to go with the chit chat. Was it another “Bhama Vijayam” happening in real life?

Do they have interesting conversations that I can eavesdrop on? Hello no! It doesn’t go beyond MEGA serials, matrimonial discords, in-laws autopsies, bad mouthing barren couples, impending divorces, neighborhood elopement, US sons, complains about daughters-in-laws, and finally garnishing their tittle-tattle with abundant materialism - diwali purchases, gold, and diamond. Their Iris is extremely powerful and scan the house and other women in a few seconds to spit a report in minutes. Should we bequeath Mamis’ with “Material Girls” title? Do Mamis pollute or pollinate?

Apart from proverbial matching making some of these Mamis are IT savvy and they instantly morph into HR agency and start pushing in resumes of their kith and kin. May it is time that IT companies must start using them as their brand ambassadors? A thought to ponder….

I thought this Oct 2 mishap was an endemic and confined to Alwarpet, but a call from my friend in Adyar confirmed that it was found in Adyar as well. He complained of a similar herd from the same biological family, clad in Kancheepuram, Kolar and Jasmine trespassing into their neighborhood that evening. Should I call them high nuisance individuals (HNI)?

I could sense the feeling of helplessness in his voice. He needed a bail out plan as well. Before I could offer him a solution, I heard my mother convincing my Dad that men should leave the house for couple of hours until the vixens left for the evening. For once dad and I joined hands to strategize a fight against these women roaches clad in silk bearing an armor of gold and diamond.

We timid men were on the prowl for a refugee camp or an underground bunker for the evening. If it was a working day then overtime at office would be the easiest way to wait out such a maelstrom, but being a holiday it was difficult to find a getaway spot. I offered a simple solution and a practical solution to my dad. I told him he could stay home and entertain other men who chauffeured their women for such gossip parties. Misery loves company, definitely it does. But he showed no interest for this suggestion. I also tried the Mami morphing technique that Kamal does in the movie Avvai Shanmughi. All my suggestions went invain.

The first refugee camp that came to our mind to wait out the Mamis storm was Besant Nagar beach and my friend seem to be okay with the idea. Though the crowd would be juvenile crowd at this time of the day, but it was better than being marooned by Mamis. I pitied those clay dolls for once and when I saw scores of men of all age groups on the shore line, I realized it was an epidemic and not an endemic occurrence.

When I got back home that night the house was reeking with gossip. My mother was busy scoring off the attendees’ names on her invitee list and making plans to visit their homes. My father had no expression on his face, may be it is better to be a doll or a women? I lowered my hand into the sundall vessel scrounging for left over sundall and picking my mother’s brain from left over gossip. Both were dry and empty.

Next year Navrathri will be different, I will try hanging a statutory warning outside the neighborhood that reads “Beware of Mamis”. Or even approach Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss for a permanent solution for Mami problem?

Singled out

I was there at family wedding last month and without any rhyme or reason I was given more attention than the bride and groom. Wow… why this unsolicited attention and glare of publicity? Was it because of my flaming dressing style, fragrant Hugo cologne, or scruffy model look? It was none of the above, but my single hood that brought me uninvited trouble.

Limelight always comes with a price -invasion of privacy. Without any invite Mamis’ gravitated around me and raped my happiness at the social gathering. There I was wiggling like an innocent prey caught in their powerful talons. To these birds of prey single hood meant an irreversible curse and leper in the society. On the pretext of free food they began verbally harassing my parents on the subject of my marriage. My single hood was painted to be the worst tragedy that could ever hit my family. I realized it is never safe and happy to be single and near the hornets nest, these married women can strike without being provoked.

Are single people country bumpkins? There I was outside a popular local bar with a friend on a Saturday night for a good conversation over the few drinks and our entry was denied. Well groomed, well dressed and with proper footwear yet our entry was denied and I was puzzled. when I asked them why and they slapped the door on my face and answered in two words “Only couples”. How rude can it get in the city?

Do we need a SEZ for single people? I got busy on a Sunday morning skimming through the classifieds section of the newspaper for house rentals. When I called the owners the first qualifier that I had to clear was a question on my status – married or single? They hung up the every moment I was single, I had more to finish the sentence, but there was none at the other end. Why can’t single people rent? Are we terrorist who target marriages? Are we outcast in the society?

Single? then take the first row! The harassment continued from wedding, the bar and not at the cinema hall. There I was at the booking counter at the popular cinema hall in the city demanding a seat in the back row. They promptly replied “only couples”. I just asked for a back row seat, but they looked at me like a sinner demanding a seat in the heaven. I was again made to feel unhappy and ashamed of my single status. Is it Sin being single?

Desperately in need of a break from the unfriendly city and its boorish people I headed out to meet the travel agent for a getaway. He briefed me on the package and options , but I realized I need to pay more to go on a vacation by myself. Every opportunity missed and used comes with a price and single people always tend to pay extra.

Is it a curse being single in this city? From gatherings to bars to rentals to movie halls to vacations it is unfair and I was singled out and discriminated. May be I am better of being widowed or divorced than being single in this city. It is sad to be SINgle in this city.

Will Madras Mamis’ accept this Rose?

The entire Madras is awating to see Rose on television now. Will she make it big or will she be gagged by moral police in Madras? Chennai is a very conservative and hypocritical and famous for slapping women on the wrist when it comes to candid talks and opinions on public platforms. We saw this take an ugly shape with Kushboo for her remarks on pre-martial sex, Shirya and Namitha for their revealing costume at public gathering.

After Narthaki Natraj, a transvestite danseuse, Rose alias Ramesh Venkatesan will be the next one to take the lime light. In her soon to be aired talkshow “Ippadikku Rose” she will discuss on issues pertaining to transvestite and other lifestyles with the hope of bringing reprieve to alternate genders and lifestyle in the state. With the present CM launching a slew of scheme for transvestites, are we on our way to be a liberated society? Is Chennai ready for its first Transvestive talk show hostess? I am cautiously optimistic.

Enjoy Rose’s fragrance from NY Times

Chennai Journal
Tackling a Society’s Boundaries, on TV and in a Family
Adam Ferguson for The New York Times

Rose Venkatesan, India’s first trans-gender TV host, sits on set during the production of the television series ‘Ippudikku Rose’ (Yours, Rose), at Prasad Studios in Chennai, India, on Saturday, February 16, 2008.

By AMELIA GENTLEMAN
Published: February 20, 2008
CHENNAI, India — India’s newest talk show host, billed as the local Oprah Winfrey, hitched up her sari and looked for her stylist’s approval. “Very feminine. You look gorgeous, like a goddess,” he said, smiling reassuringly, as he braided a garland of fresh jasmine into her hair.

Rose, host of a new Tamil-language show, was once known as Ramesh Venkatesan.
“The sari is the most flattering garment,” he added, as he touched up her makeup minutes before the cameras started rolling. “It disguises manly shoulders, takes attention away from a masculine neck.”

A complex procedure even for experienced hands, the process of tying a sari is particularly hard for Rose, who was raised as a boy, and used to be known as Ramesh Venkatesan. Her mother never taught her the skill and refuses to see her wear one. Even so, the outcome was flawless.

When it is broadcast on Vijay television to an audience of up to 64 million people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu later this month, “Ippadikku Rose” (“Yours, Rose”) is expected to cause a sensation, introducing India’s first transgender celebrity to television.

The show’s director, Anthony Thirunelveli, said the half-hour talk show had been conceived as a program suitable for family viewing but would discuss issues of sex and sexuality, confronting “hush, hush, under the carpet subjects.” The first nine episodes will tackle, among other things, divorce, sex and relationships among the mostly young employees in India’s call centers, and sexual harassment.

The main attraction will be Rose herself, who now goes by only one name. A poised, 28-year-old, American-educated former Web site designer with a master’s degree in biomedical engineering, she started wearing women’s clothes full time four years ago and is still waiting for acceptance from her family and society at large.

If nothing else, the show will start to propel downtrodden groups of transsexuals, or hijras, into the mainstream. Known as the third sex, most are born male but see themselves as women.

Hijras appear in positive roles in Indian mythology, but modern society has tended to be less tolerant. A majority are shunned by their families. Many find it impossible to obtain conventional jobs and turn instead to begging and sex work for a living.

“Transgenders in India are seen as immoral and evil,” Rose said, calmly leafing through the script of her first show — an interview with a prostitute about her recently published autobiography. “I will break that image by being articulate, intelligent and a bit like the girl next door.”

“This is a radical development,” she added. “There have been transsexuals in Indian movies, but always as the object of ridicule or as villains. This is the first time in the history of Indian television that a transgender person has been featured as a television anchor.”

Pradeep Milroy Peter, who leads programming at Vijay, a Tamil-language channel owned by Rupert Murdoch, acknowledged that he was nervous about how the show would be received.

“We don’t know how much acceptance there will be,” he said, straining to make himself heard as builders, electricians and lighting technicians hurried to finish the set. “We are crossing our fingers. The market has a craving for talk shows, but this one comes with a difference. It’s very experimental.”

His anxieties are understandable in a country where the boundaries of sexual tolerance are shifting daily, with much uncertainty and unpredictability. Fashion TV was briefly banned for showing too much flesh; a film star’s career was threatened after comments that appeared to condone premarital sex; and fringe political groups like nothing better than to stir noisy (and often spurious) paroxysms of moral outrage.

The channel was not searching for controversy, but executives were so impressed by Rose’s screen presence and determination to fight prejudice that they agreed instantly to give her a show despite her lack of experience.

“People here will not openly let transsexuals into their homes,” Rose said, disclosing that she had deliberately isolated herself from college friends and neighbors to avoid rejection. Her middle-class parents threw her out when she announced to a group of 40 family members, gathered to agree on a suitable bride for her arranged marriage, that she was not interested in women.

“I’d already grown my hair long and had laser treatment for my facial hair, but they were still hoping I’d act like a boy,” she said. “There was utter silence when I told them.” For a while, she supported herself by working in a call center, but her contract was not renewed after she started dressing as a woman. In the hustling streets of Chennai, she is always stared at and sometimes abused.

Recently, she has returned to live with her parents, but the pressure to conform to societal expectations remains strong. “They are like, ‘O.K., you are a transsexual, but don’t dress like that at home, and please get married.’ ” There is quiet hostility to the talk show project from her mother, who still hides Rose’s dresses and jewelry whenever she gets a chance. Only her grandmother has given her blessings for the show.

Rose said attitudes were no less hostile in parts of the United States, where she had spent three years studying at Louisiana Tech University. “There, people were aggressively homophobic,” she said. “America is very hypocritical when it comes to its stand on sexual minorities. Historically, India was very progressive about this until the British came and imposed a Victorian sense of morality, which still remains.”

Editing the program will be a delicate dance around invisible frontiers.

“The show will be groundbreaking, but we have to think about our audience,” said Mr. Peter, the Vijay television executive. “South Indians are very reserved, very conservative.” Sex before marriage might be discussed, but only in the context of college graduates, not anyone younger. Gay rights would be tackled in the abstract, but not gay relationships.
Rose said she had no desire to shock, but just hoped that she would be watched.

“As a person, I am very open, but this is a big television channel which goes out to millions of people,” she said. “We don’t want any bad reaction.”

She said she felt it would be fine to talk about hormone therapy and her coming sex change operation. But discussing her true feelings about marriage, for example, would still be too much of a taboo.

“If you were to ask me, I would say that marriage is unnatural and causes most of the problems in married people’s lives,” she said. “But marriage is such an established concept in Indian life, I won’t be able to question it. I don’t want to frighten people away. I want to reach out to them.”