Mutation of Values and Duties

I closed the last month’s blog with an article highlighting the poverty in India and stressing the need for compulsory education for kids as a first step to eradicate poverty. A few of the readers were sympathetic towards the situation, but I am sure those of you who read the blog will definitely share more than just sympathy. I would like to post another article today.

I had seen a half page ad on the weekly magazine in a local language on old age homes. They were proud to announce that old age is a second teenage for elders and their facility offers all the comforts and medical needs. I was pained by this adv. and as always my mind went into a shell analyzing this. Old age homes in India are not as common as the Western countries. 20 years ago I heard a home for destitute but never for older people. With multiple incomes flowing in the family to keep with the every growing wish list and greed for money, youngsters today throw their parents in streets.

For those of you who don’t know about the Indian society, here is the redy reconer.
Hindu shloka (Holy Scripture) says “Matha, Pitha, Guru, Deivam” – Mother, father, teacher, and god has to be worshipped in the same order. God wants you to fulfill your duty towards your parents, teachers and then come to him.

1. Parents, grandparents continue live with their sons through out their life. It is the duty of the sons to take care of their parents even after their retirement.
2. Parents with only daughters have no other option living separately from their daughter and within close vicinity.
3. Daughters when married live with their in-laws and take care of them.
4. Parents and grandparents are an integral part of the society. They inculcate moral sense into their grand children. They keep the tradition and culture going.
   

While this used the scenario a decade ago, today Nuclear families have mushroomed too fast. We live in world of instant marriages and divorces (courtesy: Britney spears and so on…) and the family is so small that it is only made up of husband, wife and kids. While we are learning good things from the Western society, there are other things that get into us without our knowledge. Should we blame it on the fast paced life, dying patience and tolerance in us to live together with in-laws, or the every growing wish list to seek multiple incomes? Incompatibility with in-laws, migrating to far away places for professional reasons, seeking nuclear family for more personal freedom are a few among the myriad reasons for parents ending up in old age homes.

I made a trip to an old age home with my friend 4 years ago in US. It was gut wrenching to know that their kids are around but still visit them only on Christmas, and other important festival days. A row of cars pulled in that day, while some of they took their parents home, while some just came by to wish their parents, hand in a bouquet and then left hurriedly. I was emotionally disturbed for the next couple of days. I could not imagine my parents staying in such homes.

Some people at the home had special medical needs and were attended by nurses. I could see old people bonding together and forming a family network. My friend had put his mother in an old age home because there was no one to take care of her at home and to attend to her special needs. We visited his on Mother’s day and brought her home. Mothers give their blood, flesh and more to give us a shape and bring us to this world and there they are in the old age home caged in a 10*10 space with just a television and a newspaper. Life is much more than television, and newspapers. It has a lot to do with kids, grandkids and that happiness cannot be substituted by inanimate lifeless objects.

Millions of Indians are working overseas while their parents are in India for various reasons not moving out of India. Some of these parents end up in old age home so called assisted living. Don’t we have a way to cover our sins temporarily, by calling old age homes as elderly assisted living? While some of them provide good care but the love from the kith and kin is missing creating a hollow. Our parents and grandparents have sacrificed their lives, gone through so many sleepless nights seeing us grow. They have given a meaning to our lives and today they are secluded trying to find meaning for their life.

Have we ever imagined that we will be in the same old age home some day soon? May be the west has already gone through this and they start living a detached attached life from the beginning. Children are on their own financially and physically once they are out of high school and visit parents only on festivals. Parents also keep them away and that bond never grows beyond the materialistic angle. In India we have a different bond. We grow up with the family and take the financial support till we find a job and still continue to live at home with family. The value driven society has inculcated a lot of duty consciousness, love, and gratitude. Where is it gone today? Where are we headed?

The family values and cultural values in our DNA are mutating, thanks to the dynamic mechanized diffusing culture of the West. We are slowly evolving into something dangerous, a new self centered, greedy, selfish species with no kindness and gratitude. There is no use of going to Churches and temples while your parents are shedding tears in Old age homes.

I hope each of you reading this blog are from a different country and your backgrounds and parenting are different. Don’t take offence to my comments, our society is headed this way today. West had similar family values like the east but the capitalistic economy seem to have erased all of this, mutated the genes and revolutionized the world with senior assisted living homes aka old age homes.

We take pride in giving home to animals of all kinds dogs, cats and a variety of species but never want have our parents and grand parents with us. Why is this mentality? Even animals like elephants, monkeys live in colonies, take care of each other and mourn the death of fellow mates. Why is it that we humans are cruel towards fellow human beings? Our cognitive ability has failed to come to our rescue. Has our senses lost its power?

Well we all need money to exist in this world, like the popular saying in Tamil goes,” Arul illarkku avvulagam illai, porul illarkku ivv vulagam illai” we need money for the materialistic world and need divine grace for the spiritual world. Money can never be enough, the moment we learn to live a contended life we will stop going behind money and find the real peace in life. The divine grace falls on us only when we do our duty. Showering love and affection towards elders and taking care of them is a biggest foremost duty.

I leave the rest to you. You are an archietect, you can built a beautiful world with values and culture or you can carve your tombstone, remember vultures are waiting for you.