Tuesday with Chandra: The Story of US!

It is “us” time and here is an anecdote from last afternoon that precipitated the emotion in me and propelled me to write about our discovery and recovery. We were at “Rolls United” over at the first block in Koramangala for lunch. Nothing fancy for lunch, just rolls from all different cuisines in the world. We dropped the conversation abruptly and sifted menu card hoping to find what we wanted after an earlier disappointment from looking at the list of crappy movies playing in the city. I flipped the pages and fervently looked through from cover to cover only to find a nice salad, but to my disappointment it was parked under Monday’s special.

Hardly had the chalk dust settled down on the floor or the manager had come closer to the take the order, but my friend instantly ordered “Moroccan Eggplant Salad” while the manager was still filling up the empty space under the “Today’s special” column. We both came back to the menu, scanned through the remaining items and found our eyes transfixed on the same item and that is when she looked at me and said “they are going to think you are my husband” and I said “just because you know I was going to order some homemade lemonade and I know you would order Moroccan Eggplant Salad”. Some serious giggles were a part of our starter menu until the aromatic and intoxicating tomato basil soup and bouquet of Goodmorning Vietnam - shredded carrots and beetroot wrapped in rice paper and garnished with peanut sauce arrived.

When I moved to Bangalore she had just moved in and was still living a hotel room. Everything about the city was still new and unsure, but what made our lives easier was the friendship and stories we shared at the end of each working week. There was more than the lemonade and eggplant salad to make it all look scandalous. We made sure the new living room furniture went well with her existing furniture; we lay down besides each other and tested the comfort of the mattress while we recalled Charlotte and her partner testing the mattress in of the SATC episodes, and we sat in the dining chairs to ensure they were strong, comfortable and entertainable. Every trip of ours to the shopping mall or to the movie theatre was fun filled..

Two friends leaving their family behind, boldly embracing changes in their lives, moving into the new city with hope, helping each other settle down, and courageously facing challenges thrown by life isn’t new and caring about each other’s small comfort and happiness in many ways, sound scandalous, huh?

When I had to go through my extended diagnosis and tests in Bangalore she offered to take time off and stay besides me during the tests and send her car to take me back and forth from the hospital. With mom completely busy with dad’s broken hip in a different city, I thought my friend would be around me on the day of surgery. But all that changed when I received her sms last Friday afternoon, but that didn’t change our Saturday meeting. Our Saturday meetings were fixed – it was lunch at a nice restaurant, maybe a movie, but definitely a coffee shop followed by some errands and prepare for the week. This Saturday was no different, and we both had something in common and something soon coming up and we were out together checking each other’s to-do list.

Even before her SMS arrived on that fateful Friday afternoon, our plan to spend the last weekend together before my surgery was all fixed. But SMS made our Saturday meeting absolutely mandatory. When I mentioned the contents of the SMS to a colleague cum friend at work she was afraid to call her my friend and was ready to relinquish our friendship!

With my dad breaking his hip and giving me a stiff competition for surgery, my friend’s SMS only turned the surgical race more nervous and nail-biting. I couldn’t digest the fact that our surgeries would be just 24 hours apart. I was expecting to see her when the effect of anesthesia wanes out but now we were going to spend our days in different hospitals. But still we plan to keep texting each other from respective hospital beds complaining about nurses, doctors and our pain!

During the lunch break at Rolls United she mentioned about signing another year’s apartment lease during the week. A year was almost over and we were still shopping for some more furniture for her house. Thanks to my dad’s fall, it helped me come to speed on the hip stuff and now I was a self taught expert and ready to help my dear friend on a different kind of shopping trip. The ritual was still the same, we tested to ensure the chair was comfortable, the potty seat extension was safe, the walking aid was sturdy and we all ensured that all these were home when she returned from the hospital. There were a few things that I had to go around and check before she goes under the knife, while she had a check-list for me. We even checked on each other will – life support system, property, etc. Sounds like a friendship in geriatric years?

My friend had been suffering from a bad hip and a replacement surgery was imminent. In our earlier Saturday meeting I asked her to schedule the procedure after I had fully recovered so that I could be around her. But the Friday consultation with the doctor revealed that her hip needed immediate surgery and medical attention. Though we couldn’t be in the same hospital or be besides each other during hospitalization, but we have decided to join each other in recovery. As of now we would come home the same day and the spare bed in the other room was ready for me. Over a piece of cheese cake and coffee that evening I was telling her how we could spend time sculpting the head of her femur, while she was making ideas to stitch frock and make a finger puppet out of it, and do shadow plays. Then we discussed how to make SOS calls between two rooms, and how we can watch all episodes of SATC and Desperate Housewives back to back! Food was always a part of our conversation and she said she had a copy of the menu from Rolls United and they did a home delivery. In pain, pleasure, party and in recovery we are together as friends!

You can’t choose your family or relatives, but you can choose your friends. And I have had friends  with whom I had studied, shopped, partied, toured, but not the ones who would go together for a surgery. Sounds weird, huh? Every dot that appeared on our pages of life, we were connecting them and coloring them with hope, happiness and trying to discovery new meaning very often. It was not fun, but we made it fun and next few weeks will be the Koramangala  way - The Rolls will be united in recovery! Thanks Bangalore! We were making more than lemonade from lemons! And that is the story of US!

Tuesday with Chandra: Father’s day out and day!

Where do I start this week’s blog? Do I start with the unanswered question from last week’s blog? So, who goes first? Almost sounds like a race huh? Well when compete with Chennai motorist sitting in an ambulance you will answer this question right away.

I was back at Chennai on a Friday morning and dad had to be taken to the hospital for an x-ray and review. Since the previous night I was thinking about how we could bring down a 6 foot man on a stretcher through a narrow stairway. We need a Hanuman to lift this Sanjeevi. When we called in for anambulance in the morning I explained his injury and they promised to send a stretcher that could be folded into a chair.  

The paramedics showed up on-time but brought along a plain stretcher instead of the one that could fold into a chair. We had to send them back and make another request for a multipurpose stretcher. The clock was soon approaching “Rahu Kalam” and mom was all tensed and not happy making the trip to the hospital at that time.

And finally when the guys arrived it was close to 11 am. The stretcher neatly folded into a chair and dad managed to sit up. Like a temple Utsavamurthy on a palanquin he came out of his room and there was no Nacchiyar accompanying him on this trip. He quickly passed through the living room, foyer and finally descended two floors, thanks to Johnson Lifts. Before my dad could reach the ground floor all his belongings were loaded in the ambulance. Mom had packed his neivedhiyam, medicines and medical history. Well it was Daddy’s day out!  

I had my fourth ride besides dad in the ambulance. There was a sense of calm on his face and he fell asleep on the way to the hospital. Chennai motorists drive around as though they are driving emergency vehicles. They seldom obey traffic rules and are always in a hurry. It suddenly comes to the forefront when you travel in an ambulance and when every second is precious and crucial. Though we were in an ambulance but there was no emergency this time around. I must tell you that ambulances are equipped with pretty good medical instruments (defib, ecg, oxygen cylinders – not sure if they work) and copious medical supplies. More importantly contents of each of the cupboards were listed on the doors.

On reaching the hospital we went into emergency, but there was no anxiety since it was a regular check-up. The doctors ordered an x-ray and were planning to remove the pin traction (Bohler Braun Traction) if healing was on track and if the femur had descended. While the x-ray was being processed the doctor grinned when they heard my dad insisting on the use a local anesthetic during the removal of the pin traction. Doctors know the anatomy and seldom do they know or feel the pain of a patient. Xylocaine was my father’s trusted friend for the moment and it made traction removal smooth and painless. Finally with the help of doctors for the first time in 24 days his feet touch the ground. More than pain there was a sense of fear on my dad's face.

During my school days I remember my father being summoned twice to have a conversation with my teacher on my progress report. And I now had an opportunity to avenge. Doctors called me in and put up the X-ray film in front of the light source and explained the healing that was in progress around the femur and pelvic joint. Dad was lying besides the doctor intently listening to every bit of detailed shared by the doctor. But doctors needed him to wait for another 3 weeks before they could decide on his surgery.

Soon after our conversation was over dad started a discussion with the doctor over choosing his trusted companion. It was not a Ferrari and we didn’t have to argue if we should go for a petrol or diesel version and fight over mileage. Nevertheless it was going to make him independent, mobile and more confident. Shortly after the decision was made over the model, I brought out the neivedhiyam and medicines while my brother was  arranging for the ambulance to bring him back home.

After father’s day out, more peace and calm seemed to have descended on our house.  And that made me realize that the upcoming weekend was Father’s day. The next morning mom, my nephew and I went to the surgical store in the neighborhood to get home is trusted companion and a toilet throne - just in-time for Father’s day.

Later in the evening when physiotherapist came home and when he made dad walk a little with the walker, my nephew put his hands together and celebrated my dad's baby steps. Anybody who came home that weekend had to hear my 4 year old nephew narrate a story about my dad walking again. What a grandson!

It is not a easy feeling when you are asked to pee into a bed pan or let an attendant clean up your ass. The power was back in my father hand and he was on the seat of power! A new piece of furniture was added to our living room, a walker, and dad’s toilet had a new addition too, a raised throne to potty.

Suddenly everyone’s spirits at home were on a high, not high enough to fly, but atleast walk around with a smile. So this was our Father’s day!

Mom has always been the first person to wake up and the last one to sleep in the house and I am not even sure if she is sleeping well these days. There was a sign of relief on my mother’s face today and importantly the Rahu Kalam didn't trouble her for once. If I could gift her something priceless today, it would be some peace, sleep and lots of rest.

In three weeks we will have to repeat the x-ray and hopefully the cartilage and bones would have turned cosier and healthy. At the moment dad is bonding well with his new companions and hopping around the house.  As they say, one step at a time.....

Tuesdays with Chandra: Hip but not hip hop!

In 2009 December dad underwent a heart ablation procedure (to remove the scars in his heart from earlier heart attacks and reduce the recurrence of arrhythmia) and this was the last procedure to reduce the recurrence after having implanted a defibrillator. We were kind of satisfied after having done everything medically possible and there was nothing more from science. Having gone through 6 consecutive years of frequent hospitalizations, we were optimistic that the tough phase of life was over. But life always has surprises around the corner. After having mastered the heart, it was time for us to graduate to the next body part.

When I answered call on my mobile phone it was 11.30 am and it was mom on the other end. She said that dad had a fall in the toilet and he broke his hip and was in an ambulance on his way to the hospital. It took a minute to react to the news and I had a freeze in my throat. The next thing that came to my mind was medical insurance and savings in the bank to meet out the medical expenses. An old Tamil saying goes like this, “those who don’t have money have no place on the earth and those who don’t have grace have no place in heaven”.

While I was thinking about something different my mother was processing different set of emotions on the ground. Who gets to stay with dad in the hospital? Who gets to run the home and manage the 4 year old toddler? How long will he be in the hospital?  Well we were experienced managing home and hospital after having gone through such harrowing summers year after year. We all waited for him to reach the hospital and have doctors examine him. In the meantime I called up my cousin to go to the hospital and another cousin to head home and stay with mom. Sometimes, staying away from the epicenter helps, it gives you time to think about the next steps – emotionally, physically, and financially without being affected by the incidents on the ground and make better decisions.

Ever since doctors discovered the anomaly in my heart and the need for surgery I decided to educate myself. I spent my evenings watching videos on You Tube and reading medical journals on the latest procedures, etc. And when I got to bed my head would replay the images and text from the journals will scroll at the bottom. After 7 weeks of running the same images and text, my head finally got a break and another set of images and text to process and beam. And this time it was the anatomy of pelvis , not Elvis! It was hip and not hip hop!

Next morning I was at the breakfast table fishing for blueberries in my cereal bowl. The berries had settled to the bottom and I was trying hard to finish the milk with a little spoon and I know I had berries to look forward to. At the moment, life seemed so full like the milk in the bowl but I was not sure if there were wild and sweet berries waiting at the bottom. For the first time it occurred to me that my father was competing with me to get operated.

Towards that evening my brother called and briefed me on the procedure dad had undergone. Doctor put a pin below his knees and connected that to a tuning fork kind of a set up. Weights were suspended from that assembly to gradually help the femur descend from the fractured acetabulam cup. The low ejection fraction in the electrically wired heart prevented the orthopedic from administering any aggressive treatment on my father. For next three weeks dad would in bed and any update on the next course of treatment would be announced based on the x-ray doctors had scheduled after three weeks.

The first storm arrived on April 5 and the next one on May 31 and washed away all my plans for a family vacation. It was almost 20 years since we had gone on a family vacation. My dad was doing okay health-wise and my sister and her son were also planning to come to Chennai for a vacation and I felt this was an opportune moment. But then life has its own priorities. 

Fifteen days back, I was busy putting together a transition plan and organizing my hand over documents at work, while I was also making plans to make my surgical experience pleasurable and memorable, not just for me but also for people around me. I had an excel sheet with to-do list before and after the surgery. I had drawn a list of blood donors and I wanted to give them hand written thank-you notes and gift certificates. I wanted to fill the refrigerator with healthy stuff that my family can eat while I make them go through additional stress. I wanted to mark the right side of my chest with a big X mark and an arrow pointing to my left side, a small reminder to redirect them incase they were looking in the wrong side. I had also requested a doctor friend of mine to be in the theatre to ensure no surgical cutlery; gauze or cotton gets left behind in my chest. I had stacked lose fitting beach shirts to wear while I lie on the shore recovery intoxicated with pain-killers. I made a list of songs that I wanted to hear on my way to the operation theatre and again when I woke up and when tubes took over my body. Curious to know who all got on to my play list? Not now, but later.

I had planned the run-up to the surgery with lots of enthusiasm and I was afraid that everything was going to be postponed. Now suddenly I didn’t know if it was wise to go ahead with my surgery. With two people in the hospital and in two different cities, it would be a tough choice for my mother and family to pick who they would want to be with – my father or me. My leave plan was approved at work, my boss had broadcasted the plan far and wide, and I had finished the transition walk through and hand over. The surgeon’s calendar was blocked and the run-upto to the event was almost done. Life has its own choice.

When I arrived back in Chennai later that week dad was already home. My 4 year old nephew came running and explained in his little voice about what happened to grandfather. I left my luggage, picked up him and then walked towards my dad’s room. The double bed in the room was moved out and now there was a single bed in the center of the room and he was facing the door. He welcomed me and there was a male nurse seated at an arm’s length from him and his bedside table was filled with medicines and appeared like a mini pharmacy. Like a child he explained me what happened and my nephew butted in to give his version. The 6 feet tall man with broad shoulders was helplessly in bed and I was reminded of Shivaji Ganesan in the movie Karnan. Nothing else comes with you in the end, it is just your actions!

Ok I need to take a break. Here is some homework for you.

1. Make sure elders at home have a decent medical insurance and coverage (5 Lakhs each). Here is a link that can help you do comparison and buy one soon.
2. A simple two day hospitalization can run upto a lakh and if there is a surgery involved hospitals can dry up your insurance coverage in a few days. Ensure your insurance covers home hospitalizations expenses.
3. There is also critical illness insurance that gives you a lump sum payment after the diagnosis of the illness. You can purchase that as add on to your existing policy.
4. Make sure you have one year worth living expense available in your savings bank account and 5 Lakh cash towards emergency.

The race is on and I will see you next week with an answer to the question - who goes first?