How to help friends and family heal faster

For time-to-time we come across friends or members in our extended family facing health issues and go through the ordeal of hospitalization, surgery and recovery. In the process of reaching out to them we often forget to mind our words and actions which in turn can hurt them and leave them offended. Here are some pointers to ensure that your words and actions give comfort and bear value.

Beware of word of mouth: We rarely hear directly from the horse’s mouth about the illness or ailment and mostly it is neighbors or relatives who bring us the grave news. So, when you decide to call the family to enquire about their health, never bring up the name of the person who shared the news with you. This not only exposes your network, but also erodes the trust you’ve earned. Moreover, you may never know the equation between the two and you don’t want to be seen as a broadcasting service. So, protect your source, if you need to be trusted.

Check before you visit: For some visiting the patient in the hospital is a check in the box item, while for some it is more important due to the emotional bond we share with the person or the family. Nevertheless, call up the family and check if visitors are allowed and if the patient is in a frame of mind to entertain visitors. Also find out what you can bring for the patient rather than showing up with flowers, fruits or health drinks. Importantly, keep your visits short and don’t visit if you are coming down with an infection or recovering from one. 

Don’t be inquisitive: Unless the person is willing to share their medical history, findings and treatment details, don’t try pry or acting like a medical professional. Instead focus on how you can be of help to the person and family during the rough patch. You never know in which phase (denial, acceptance, etc.) they are in and your questions, suggestions, false hopes and advice can slow down their progress.

Look before you leap: For some of us hospital visits may be mere courtesy calls, nothing wrong about that, while for some who are willing to stay invested there is a lot you can offer. From cooking and delivering meals to the family, making trips to the grocery store, driving kids to school to attending to the patient at the hospital there are a variety of responsibilities that you can sign-up for. But before you sign up for responsibilities ask yourself if you have the time and bandwidth because it doesn’t look good to abandon half-way or back out after committing.

Give no advices or make no comparisons: When visiting a patient it is good to enquire about their health, but refrain from talking too much about their ailment or making references to others who’ve gone through the same ordeal or giving unsolicited advices. Share fond memories and take some old pictures to rekindle halcyon days or carry books and music they may like. Ensure what you say or share doesn't make the patient anxious or leave them exhausted.

Be tight lipped: Out of sympathy and empathy it is easy for us to share or discuss the medical condition/progress/treatment with friends and family. But you may never know how you words and intentions get interpreted and re-communicated. Many at times, people are careless and may drop names and share information that may find its way back to the patient and their family. So, refrain from broadcasting or discussing any medical details that may have been shared with you in confidence.

Doesn't matter even if you don't visit the patient to show your support to the family, but ensure you don't hurt them with your careless behavior.