Graha Bedham

Let me first begin by congratulating the noted and accomplished Carnatic musician Sanjay Subrahmanyan for earning the coveted Sangita Kalanidhi from Music Academy Chennai. On January 1, 2016 Sanjay will be inducted into the Carnatic Music Hall of Fame and incidentally he is also one the few Sangita Kalanidhi's who've won this accolade before their 50. Other veterans ahead of him in the hall of fame are Ariyakudi Ramanujam Iyengar, Musiri Subramanya Iyer, Maharajapuram Viswanatha Iyer, Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer, GN Balasubramaniam, ML Vasanthakumari, and M. Balamuralikrishna (not in the same order). Source: http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/tamil-nadu/sangita-kalanidhi-title-for-sanjay-subrahmanyam/article7339056.ece

Most youngsters who come into performing Carnatic music set their eyes on this coveted title. Who wouldn't want to see their picture and name inscribed alongside other doyens that adorn the hallway at Music Academy? Sanjay today has become a bigger inspiration for many youngsters who are deciding to take music as a full-time career and to those who've already taken a plunge. He is a good example of what hard work can get you, even if you don't come in the lineage of Sangita Kalanidhis. His discipline and commitment to music is an important lesson to every beginner and staying away from unnecessary limelight and controversy is a good lesson for his peers and juniors.

A few days ago, I read his 4th in the series of articles in The Hindu (http://www.thehindu.com/features/friday-review/carnatic-musician-sanjay-subrahmanyan-talks-about-teaching-and-foray-into-virtual-world/article7329310.ece) and I wrote to a friend questioning the sudden PR exercise and its intent. Given Sanjay's mindset to stay away from media and unnecessary talk, I was surprised to learn so much about him from the newspaper. We have been living in the same apartment for the last 13 years and to get him to smile or socialize. Even at JayaTV's Markazhi Mahautsavam where musicians curate their shows, he keeps his curation to a minimum and let his music do the talk. 

So, it is clear that Music Academy used its media power raised the profile of Sanjay who rarely speaks. Over the last month The Hindu through a series of articles created more than awareness among the educated, elite, musically inclined and his own peers. This is the first time I'm seeing such an exercise by Music Academy before the announcement of its yearly recognition. I could never answer why only for Sanjay, can you?

I'm sure their PR exercise can't seal the mouths of gossip mongers specially given the high density in Mylapore. Though PR may not be a tradition at Music Academy, but fights and controversies amongst musicians when Sangita Kalanidhi is announced is a tradition.

Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer wanted to have the title ahead of Maharajapuram Viswanatha Iyer and he crossed swords with Music Academy. Lalgudi Jayaraman wanted to get the title ahead of Maharajapuram Santhanam andhad a fall out with the establishment and stopped performing under their aegis. So, should we look the the recent articles and announcements made by the noted musician TMKrishna in light of the recent Sangita Kalanidhi announcement by Music Academy? Isn't TMKrishna from parampara of Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer? Music comes with its share of controversies. 

We see such reactions in every profession today. Every year when appraisal results are announced we've seen a range of reactions from cribbing, bickering, learning to brown-nose the establishment, to walking out of organizations. From awards, heart burns to infighting everything is a part of tradition at Music Academy and it brings out the best and worst in musicians. So, why should the field of Carnatic music be any different and why should TMKrishna be any different from his guru Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer?

Go back and read all the articles in press from both Sanjay and TMKrishna in the last month and connect the dots. You can definitely hear Gowrimanohari at one end and Natakapriya on the other and the music world calls it Graha bedham. The annual Jupiter transit is just a month away and this year he moves into Simha or Leo. 

What Harvard doesn't teach you about Sabbatical!

When I went back to work last week it didn't appear that I was working in the communications department. There was an eerie silence and my boss stopped making eye-contact apart from severing verbal communications with me. Was it my sabbatical request? Or was there a corporate storm over the weekend that brought down all the power and communication lines? This silence reminded me of our childhood fights and how bullies in the gang stopped playing and interacting with us to get even or to make us to listen to them.

Three of us sit with him in the same room, and this eerie silence wasn't helping us to function in an healthy way. Over the instant messenger, the two of us exchange conversations and punctuated with emoticons to lighten the situation. Though one of my colleagues recommended that I do a follow-up on my request, I kept focusing on my work and I let the day pass by with any incident. May be playing cold and distant was one way of keep me away from him and away from my request? 

The following day he started to involve me in some projects that were scheduled to go-live in the second half of the year, my alarm bells started to ring loudly. Is my sabbatical request falling into deaf ears? Am I being taken seriously? I continue to contribute in the meeting and upon concluding the meeting I sent him an email reminding him of my request for sabbatical. My email brought in another wave of silence at the lunch table and now I was able to confirm that the silence is a consequence of my sabbatical request. 

Why can’t managers find a professional solution rather than turning a team member's request for a sabbatical into a crime or something personally directed at them? Upon returning from lunch that afternoon, he passed on the ball to HR with a hope that they would shoot my request down. Not long after, I had a chance to sit down with the HR and have a conversation about my sabbatical. 

The HR colleague was very calm and willingly to listen to me. During the course of the meeting she even told me that my manager could have made the decision and there was no need to have a conversation with her since there is a policy in place. I gave her my canned response for a sabbatical, but soon she wanted to have more information. She asked me about my two year experience in France. Before responding, I quipped that question sounded like an exit interview and not a sabbatical interview. Finally, the meeting concluded with the HR honoring my request and in fact I was surprised when she asked me how soon I would like to begin my sabbatical. When we are interviewed for a position we answer a similar question, how soon could you join us and this time around I was asked how soon I would want to leave. Nevertheless, the question sounded like music to my ears. 

The favorable response given by the HR annoyed my manager and instantly reaction on his facial resembled severe facial constipation. He immediately went around the office trying to gain sympathy and making my sabbatical sound like a time-bomb. He called his deputy for a quick huddle to chalk-out a survival plan and he went out for a lunch with his superior to discuss the situation. With no solution in hand, he stopped exchanging pleasantries with me. 

Every time I stepped out of the room, he would start whispering to my colleagues in the room and the whisper would stop as soon as he heard my footsteps. Internal communications office had become a water cooler. I found this behavior annoying and I even offered to park myself in another room until my last day so that they can have a comfortable conversations and not be forced to mumble, mutter and abruptly end them.

With no solutions in sight, he came back to me the following morning asking if I had any recommendations on how to tide over the situation. He requested if I could put together a job description for my role and suggest names of colleagues who could take up my role. By the end of the afternoon, I sent him my job description and shared a few ideas to tide over the situation. I never envisioned I had to do all this before I embark on my sabbatical. 

By the end of the week he started to express the real emotions in him. Now I was seen as a mini version of Edward Snowden and was considered high-risk and removed from high-profile projects and meetings. The following morning he came into the office and told me how disappointed he was with my decision and how I let him down. I quickly shut his mouth by reminding how disappointed I am with him and how he had let me down. 

I had resigned from my job on January 5, citing a few professional reasons and he made promises like our politicians and even documented them over an email and requested me to take back my resignation. A few weeks ago when I checked back on his list of promises, he said he couldn't make any of it happen. After a failed resignation bid, I felt a sabbatical option citing health and family reasons was my only way out. 

While he expressed his hidden emotions, I felt that his reaction and cold behavior resembled that of a high school bully and a feuding partner and that was giving me additional stress. I told him that I was beginning to experiencing the same symptoms that I had 3 weeks ago. So, what happened 3 weeks ago that quickly made him retract his statement? 

Come back next week to find out more. 

Sabbatical and evaluations

Taking that decision to go on a sabbatical can be very tricky on multiple fronts: financial, professional, and personal. One must be honest to do make personal evaluations on their preparedness (most importantly financial preparedness) and also be ready face the evaluations made by the society (friends, family, colleagues, future employers) and be ready with answer to their nagging questions.

Here is a funny incident from 13 years ago. I had taken a short break after I moved back from the US and one my mother's friends came home and was curious to know why I was unemployed. I told her that I had started a new business, but she wanted know more about the venture and I was not sure why. May be I was still within the marriageable age bracket for men and she had someone in my mind to pair-up with me? "Mind your business" is the name of my company, I said to her in a cool and relaxed way. Upon hearing my response her face displayed a myriad shades from green to red to grey and that cruel joke ended our relationship.

One has no choice but to go through social evaluations all through our life and put up with unsolicited advises. Before I made a decision, I searched the world-wide web, YouTube and TedX looking to learn from others experiences. Except for a few sites and a few videos very little resource is available. 

On the home front, I had no push-back and my parents were completely supportive of my decision and most of my friends appreciated my decision and a few enquired about my plans and some motivated me to keep a journal and turn it into a book that may be of help to others. 

Now I needed to write a script to making a crisp and convincing pitch at work seeking a sabbatical and also be prepared with plan b in case they choose to turn down my request. 

As a part of external/corporate communications, I had the experience of preparing a set of possible q&a before every press-briefing. Leveraging on my experience, I came up with a list of questions and short answers that don't lead to further questions. It was more of an escape pitch than an elevator pitch. 

You may have worked hard all your career, won the trust of your managers, bailed them out in difficult situations and even managed to get on their good books, but the moment you decide to take a break and move on there is a tectonic shift in their behavior. I was not Carrie Bradshaw jumping in and out of relationships, I had worked here for 5 years and proved my abilities and was recently nominated for the marketing and communications high-fliers award. Is it time fly out rather than fly high? Did all my hard work and earned trust go out the window that very instance? What happened at work that week? 

Pit Stop

We all feel tired being in the grind, and sometimes appreciations, more money, promotions, and rewards fail to motivate us any further. So, what do you do? Should you continue to work and take yourself down the path of burn out?

Sometimes work does feel like being in a war zone; colleagues and managers constantly test your psychological limits. Unfortunately, many of us unable to step off this treadmill to catch a breath and reflect before we resume, thanks to financial commitments and other social entanglements.

A few days ago, a popular Carnatic musician (http://www.dailyo.in/arts/tm-krishna-carnatic-music-chennai-music-season-a-southern-music-nri/story/1/4306.html) announced that he will not perform during the December music circus (he has performed for the last 20 years). He realized the need to pause, reflect, and reset rather than sing and dance to others tunes. Though many of us may think this is a publicity stunt, but how many of us can really take such a bold decision, stand by it and not be afraid of missing the spotlight and opportunities?

We operate in a system where everyone wants to maximize profit and treat each other like a commodity: very capitalistic. Concert organizers want to position popular singers and make money from organizing their performances in exchange for a paltry sum. Managers want you to make them successful and organizations exploit your skills, and stretch limits by dangling small carrots. 

I started school at the age of 2 much earlier than most children and have been jumping from one treadmill onto another in the name of education for 24 years, career for 16 years and trying to construct my social standing and image. Thanks to our Indian system! But somewhere I started to think and I got off the marriage treadmill and today I want to take a break from the system that tries profit from my success. 

The management education taught me to sketch fish-bone diagrams and construct decision trees to seek solutions. And the last 6 months, I have been both a fishitarian and arboreal being, living off fish-bone diagrams and living on decision trees. After a long contemplation, I announced my decision at work this week to take a 6-month sabbatical starting this August. Enviable?

Ahead of my 40th birthday, I foresee sabbatical giving me an opportunity to pause, reflect and ruminate and plan my next 20 years of pre-retirement life. It will also teach me new skills: frugality, financial discipline amongst many others. My sabbatical also gives management an opportunity to bring someone else to run the show and realize that I am no longer needed for their success. The secret of success is about sustenance; your must sustain your happiness and management must sustain their profits.

Such decisions to step off the treadmill both temporarily or permanently may look like challenging the establishment, but to get to this point needs a lot of courage, conviction and confidence. If the sabbatical doesn't come through, I will take the resignation route for the second time in 6 months leaving the management very little room to manipulate my decision or come up with a counter-offer and shovel false promises like politicians seeking to come to power.

We all get to live life once, so let's live on our terms without any regret or causing grief to others including Mother Nature. If you are caught in a similar situation like me or the musician, a sabbatical may be a good pit stop. A pit stop refreshes your mind, refuels your soul, and helps you redefine your ambition.

The End Enacted 30 Years Ago

I am a big fan of actresses from 70-80s, not only for their classical beauty, but also for the characters they performed. Sujatha, Sri Vidya, Sri Priya, Jaya Sudha, Prameela are among them. 

Late actress Sujatha who played some worthy roles in all South Indian languages. She beautiful too and Late K. Balachandar brought her to Tamil cinema and gave her some plum roles in his movies Avargal, Aval Appadithan, etc.

Not all actors get a chance to act the scripts of their life and audiences also don't know if real life and can mirror reel life. I happen to watch one of Sujatha's movies today, Aalaya Deepam, where she plays a role of an actress in that movie and finally passes away in the movie due to heart failure. 

When my father was in Apollo in 2004 for his bypass, I saw Sujatha and her husband at Apollo. I didn't know if she had come to visit someone, but when I read her obituary in 2011 I realized that she may have been there for a consultation then. 

Sadly, 30 years after Aalya Deepam movie, she passed away due to cardiac failure. After watching the movie, I searched YouTube for videos shot at her funeral. A few minutes of footage is available and she still looked like the woman I saw in the balcony of her home in East Abhiramapuram. 

Movie stars enact scripts that can sometimes have an uncanny resemblance to their real life stories. We may never know the resemblance to the script until death arrives and we as audience are forced to wipe away tears and live with memories. Salute to these directors and women actors, who've continue to make my Sunday afternoons thoughtful and meaningful. Miss you Sujatha and Sri Vidya.

Focusing on the aspect of contrasts

When people tell me India is a land of contrasts, I argue with them that every country has its contrasts and beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. In Paris, sidewalks are decorated with cigarette butts and dog poop alongside good music and art; lifeless objects enjoy protection in museums and homeless people wither outside museums (France is a socialistic country); metro stations also serve as Opera Houses for poor artists and urinals and shelters for the homeless.

One of these beautiful contrasts caught my attention last Saturday, while I was ambling down Rue Rambuteau (adjacent to Center Pompidou). First, it was the UFO shaped instrument that intrigued me; second, its acoustics - it doubled up as percussion and non-percussion; it sounded like Sitar and Tabla together and sometimes Veena and Ghatam. Lastly, what captivated me was the sense of rhythm and melody in the man aided by the shaker in his left foot and a musical anklet in his right foot.

You can read more about this instrument on Wikipedia.  Here is a clipping that I made with the permission of the artist.

When I heard him for the first time it sounded like Gayathri on the Veena and Vikku Vinayakarm on the Ghatam. An hour later when I came back on the same street it sounded like Ravi Shankar on the Sitar and Zakir Hussain on the Tabla. I was mesmerized and I patiently waited for the artist to finish the number. I pounced on him as soon as he stepped out of his seat for a break and requested for a short interview to know more about him, the instrument and share the similarities his music bears with Indian music.

Here is an excerpt from a short interview that I had with him post his performance on the sidewalk.

Me: Hello, my name is Chandra and I am fascinated by how an instrument can sounded both like percussion and non-percussion?

He: I am Jeremy Nattagh (JN). This instrument is called a HandPan and this has influences from Trinidad and Tobago. The instrument is made in a variety of scales and is manufactured in Spain. I am headed to Brittany in France early next week to pick-up another one to add to my collection.

Me: You are smiling, happy and a conversationalist too. You can’t be a Parisian. So, where are you from Jeremy? Where did you learn to play this instrument?

JN: He flashes another big smile and turns his head from left to right before he answers. I am from Paris, France though my father is from Iran. I play piano, flute and drums, though I prefer to play HandPan. I taught myself to play this instrument.

Me: So, do you collaborate with artists around the world?

JN: Yes, I have collaborated with instrumentalist and vocalist across the world. I have played with a Sitar player here in Paris and next week I will be performing with Adele B and Cendre Osmoza at The Galarie 59, rue de Rivoli, Paris. I invite you to attend my performance. 

Just before I said thank-you to Jeremy, I took a selfie with him. Neither of us is famous and this selfie never may get 35 million hits like the one with Indian Prime Minister and Chinese President, but that was not the intent of this selfie. It is to show the smile and simplicity of a beautiful artist. 

Jeremy didn’t look like a musician who played for money or fame. His passion and love for music can be seen when he busy with his instruments. If there was one track that kept repeatedly playing in my head that day it was,” Why should artists like Jeremy languish on the sidewalks of Paris?” All I could do for Jeremy was get a copy of his CD, attend his performance on May 23 in Paris and share and write about his music. 

Sadly, neither artists understand the real world nor the world understands the artist, but in between this standoff, we come together at concerts and try to connect through music. You can find such musicians all over Paris. Some play on the sidewalks, some play at metro stations and some play on the metros as well, yet Parisians frown :-( 

You can visit Jeremy Nattagh’s webpage and follow him on YouTube and other social media channels.

After 4 years

I was reading a book review from a  Neurosurgeon on NYTimes and it triggered my memory and the incidents associated with my surgery. Not being communicative with patients and their family is a big red-flag on both doctors and hospitals.

It feels impersonal and strange when a surgeon fails to have a candid conversation with the patient or hides his empathy. When I had my heart surgery, the surgeon hardly explained the reason and procedure, but since I was curious I read, watched medical videos and consulted friends in the medical fraternity to understand the procedure and associated risks involved in it. Sometimes I wonder what is going on in their heads that they fail to have important conversations with their patients that can only help build trust and confidence. Do they expect us to educate our self by querying Google and exchanging information in online forums. I was by myself during the two visits to the see the surgeon before the surgery and meticulously prepared questions to ask him before the visits.

On the day of the surgery, I was taken rolled into the theatre after a 6 hour delay. There was no information on the delay and when I went to the nurse station at end of the war they replied that they surgeons were on an emergency case. After two hours I complained that I was feeling hungry and thirsty and the nurse started me on drips so that I can no longer speak of hunger and thirst. At 2.30 pm I was finally rolled into the theatre, the doctors realized that the medical consent form was not signed and the risk/liability associated with the surgery was not waived (this was to be done the day before surgery).

While I was being prepared for the surgery, the staff went around looking for my family in the large hospital to get the waiver signed. Unable to spot them, a doctor friend who was with me posed as a family member and signed the waiver form. Though nothing happened to me in the end and I am surviving to write about, the entire arrangement seemed dodgy. My family was worried when they received no information about me even after 5 hours (surgery was supposed to last for 2.5 hours), the notice board in the waiting room displayed “surgery in progress”. None from the medical fraternity came to appraise my family on my condition and the anxious family had to rely and wait for the status change on the notice board. Is it a hospital or a train station?

A month after my surgery, I even went back to the hospital for a review and I carried with my gratitude in the form of a box of dry fruits and dark chocolates. I wanted to touch the hearts of men, who collectively touched my heart. The doctors were busy and the one who reviewed me said there was no need for me to visit them unless I had a problem. It is good to know that I am healthy and I need no medical supervision, but to be able to see the surgeon and thank him would have been fulfilling. I left a thank you note along with goodies in the cardiac ward. 

It has been 4 years since I had the surgery and I still see the scar on my left side every morning during shower, but I cannot remember the face of the surgeon and the team of doctors who assisted him. With corporate hospitals enforcing quotas on doctors, they have no time for building relationships and are forced look at patients as mere objects in an assembly line. Is it time for robots to work on humans and is it time for us tone down our gratitude towards the medical fraternity?