After a copious monsoon in 2015, I was prepared for a hot and humid summer, but certainly wasn’t ready to handle reunions that bring back warm memories and people from the past. Surprisingly, summer of 2016 turned out to be mild on the weather front, but very warm and sticky on the people front.
A few weeks ago I connected with my college mates after a gap of twenty years and last weekend I met up with many of my first cousins after a long gap. I also ran into some relatives after a gap of 22 years. Do such reunions live beyond the initial euphoria and brouhaha?
Pragmatist or Pessimist?
As much as I like to make memories and meet and connect with people, I also like review them from time to time. I don’t get into the mode of exchanging numbers or connecting with them on social media platforms. Summers of my life has taught me to explore sustainability of both new connections and renewing old connections than fantasizing a great friendship ahead or getting too high on nostalgia. Does that make me a pragmatist or a pessimist?
Despite taking a vow not to attend anymore weddings, I made an exception last weekend to attend the marriage of my last and youngest first cousin on my father's side. My absence from the wedding scene neither changed the atmosphere nor made me grow any fond of it.
Weddings and Political rallies
Weddings are also reunions of another kind. It brings family members and cousins who drifted apart for personal and professional reasons. Unlike weddings of yesteryears, weddings today resemble political rallies. Like politicians who visit your home before election seeking your vote, relatives come home seeking your participation. They often lure you with gifts to get you to attend their event and some even offer you transport and accommodation. And once you accept their bribes you are forced to show up to enjoy unlimited food, gossip, advice and entertainment. Not sure if you realize that by participating in the gossip they also end up offering their lives to be analyzed, assayed, and adjudged. As soon as the wedding is over, you are forgotten.
As much I stay away from political inclined individuals and rallies, I also stay away from marriages, evangelists who sell marriages and gossip mongers who pollute human minds with their contorted views of the world and individuals.
Turning to Humor
I turned cold feet and didn’t know what to expect as I hadn’t attended weddings in the last 4 years. But the recent mini-reunions with college mates in various cities help me get prepared. I rehearsed my lines and witty responses for people who walk up to me to give me their unsolicited opinions on my single hood and advices on how to lead my life.
For example, one of them was curious to know why I sported a bald look and I responded by saying that this was the easiest way to shine in life. My responses got funnier as questions got too personal.
What surprised me the most was when my immediate family made a decision on what I must wear for the wedding reception and someone who I met after 20 years at the wedding gave me unsolicited advice on personal grooming. Do I really look like someone who needs help or advice on what to wear and how to look? I never questioned anyone’s choice to stay single or married nor did I have an opinion on what they must wear or where they must go for their next vacation. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, but I keep mine clean and open it only when needed.
Not Singled Out
If it thought I was being singled out at these reunions, you are mistaken. Married couple without kids were being taunted for not reproducing and divorced or widowed couples cringed and sat in a corner being afraid of attracting the attention of wagging tongues and loose cannons.
Incredibly Indian
As much as Indian weddings are known for color, grandeur, fanfare and food, it is also a fertile petri dish for culturing gossip and conducting character (assass)inations. This society willfully approves violation of personal boundaries and individual privacy and choices. Should we be shocked at their behavior or should we accept this as a way of life and distinction of our Indianness?
I failed to understand why we Indians feel compelled to offer their uncalled-for opinions or find a need to concur with my views of life. As a society, why do we feel it is our moral responsibility and birth right to offer roadmaps for others lives and decide their negotiables and non-negotiables?
The Summer of 2016 made me realize that happiness in reunions be it with classmates or cousins evaporates very quickly turning the venue into court rooms that deliver judgments, tailor rooms that measures without tolerance and an altar that dispenses unsolicited advice.
Unidimensional thinking, ever curious need to air dirty laundry, never quenching thirst to heckle at others without any self introspection are not uncommon in our society. You know what strikes me most is the inability to express oneself and engage in a meaningful conversation rather than analysing people's lives for an ice breaker is as much cultural than anything else. At the end of the day we remain faithful to ourselves and make sure when we do not cross the line at least most of the times
ReplyDeleteMahesh,
DeleteCuriosity is inseparable part of human life. If it thought I was being singled out at these reunions, you are mistaken. Married couple without kids were being taunted for not reproducing and divorced or widowed couples cringed and sat in a corner being afraid of attracting the attention of wagging tongues and loose cannons.
This I think is u at ur sharpest. I personally don't go to frds unions myself. I meet them individually or in threes. No more. It is draining even then. The ones whom I count as real frds and who I enjoy meeting are those whose house I'll drop in unannounced or those who accost me at a park or Beach.
ReplyDeletePlanned reunions like weddings are therefore such a sticky affair! That the outcome is an x number of post its per person.
This I think is u at ur sharpest. I personally don't go to frds unions myself. I meet them individually or in threes. No more. It is draining even then. The ones whom I count as real frds and who I enjoy meeting are those whose house I'll drop in unannounced or those who accost me at a park or Beach.
ReplyDeletePlanned reunions like weddings are therefore such a sticky affair! That the outcome is an x number of post its per person.
Lakshmy,
ReplyDeleteI've learnt my lesson the hard way and people and reunions seldom change.
If it thought I was being singled out at these reunions, you are mistaken. Married couple without kids were being taunted for not reproducing and divorced or widowed couples cringed and sat in a corner being afraid of attracting the attention of wagging tongues and loose cannons.