Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tuesdays with Chandra: Secret….Sin…..Stones

Some call it sins of the gene, while some call it the secrets of the gene. The former sounds both clichéd and scary while, the latter can sound esoteric. Let us not forget that the world was born from a sin (Adam and Eve eating an apple) and not from a secret. So come on let us discover!


There are two sets professionals who can scare you by sharing personal information - your secrets and sins. One looks at your blood reports, x-rays and scans and the other ones look at the 12 squares and planetary movements to predict your future health. What the astrologers usually call it a sin, the doctors call it the secret of the gene. And today I was not sure if I will come out sin-free or with more secrets and sadness.

After 3 weeks of grueling medical tests in 2 metros and 5 cardiologists’ consultations across 3 continents and discovering the secrets in my gene, there was another rigmarole that I had to go through the analysis of my karma quotient. I had to fast prior to discovering the secrets in my gene, but for the sins of the gene I could go in with a full stomach. That was the only consolation!

Word of mouth had landed us in a densely populated lane in Mylapore. And for the first time my family accompanied me to a consultation, rather I had no choice but to go along with my mother for the karma consultation. Wouldn’t it be easier and logical to locate astrologers in the hospitals and let them do the first reading prior to consultation?

It was 4.00 pm on Saturday evening and when we entered the 2 bedroom apartment, the perimeter along the living room was punctuated with chairs and there was just one vacant chair left and it was far away from the blades of the fan sweeping air across the room. Two fans were sweeping air across the room, but sweltering heat from the setting sun was unquenchable.

An elderly gentleman directed me to take a token and that is when I realized there were 11 people ahead of me in the queue. I asked my mother take the last available seat and surveyed the waiting crowd. Most of them in the room were couples and each of them had a file hidden in a plastic bag and guarded it like a treasure chest. Does it sound like a fertility clinic? Lol! Well all had come to check if they had a fertile future. It was more about destiny than progeny.

People who gathered to discover the sins and secrets of their gene behaved the same way. None in the room exchanged pleasantries or any conversation and yesterday’s news in today’s newspaper seemed more interesting than sins of secrets of fellow humans in the room. To be honest each of them appeared to be carrying a cross in their back. Karma cross? The door to my right opened every ten minutes, a wave of cool air from the air-conditioned swept across and before I could catch a glimpse of man behind the desk who robbed smiles of couples faces and turned them pensive, the next in-line entered and the door closed. Sounds furtive and like Abottabad, huh?

Finally I entered the room and sat for the first time since I got out of the car an hour ago. I shared the piece of paper with 24 squares and gave him a few minutes to read and ruminate on the planetary positions. I am used to people throwing the cheesiest pick-up line “do I know you from somewhere” on me, while this man confirmed that it was my first visit and he had never seen me before. Should I take it as a sign of relief or mark of honesty? Will he display the same honesty when it comes to predicting my future? I was only hoping this man would not celebrate like the radiologist.

Not sure what he said/read came true or not, yet I had to go through this 12 square check without any intense breathing or fasting. May be fasting comes after the discovery of the sin?

It looked like his viva-voce when I was asked to shoot the questions. I didn’t have too many questions, but just one. I wanted him to pick a few favorable dates for a surgery in July. He starred at me as though I was out of my mind and asked me more details. I shared the secrets from the chambers of my heart. After thoroughly analyzing the horoscope (it took 3mins to stare at the 24 square boxes) and he said my horoscope showed no signs of any heart surgery. If at all I had a surgery it could be something simple like stone removal from my kidney or gall bladder. He swore that I could challenge the doctors and avoid the heart surgery and I would still be around to celebrate my 82 birthday. I wish I had come here first to discover the sins of my gene than go for secrets of the gene. I would have saved some money and not developed dark circles around my eyes.

Was it sin vs. secret or astrology vs. cardiology? I was not willingly to argue on the astrological front, but would rather make him understand the seriousness of the heart anomaly. I took a piece of paper and diagrammatically represented the anatomy of the eloped pulmonary vein, but he was far from accepting and the planetary combinations proved no chances for elopement. He looked at the piece of paper that I gave him and started to apply the principles of astrology to disprove science of heart. He was not jubilant like the Radiologist who spotted the eloping vein, but he was more confident and convinced with his science of planet (aspect, position and combination), while I was in no mood to take his side.

He tried to convince me by sharing an anecdote from three decades ago and how the guy is still alive and fit after skipping the cardiac surgery based on his advice. I once again reminded him that I was here to mark the dates for my surgery, and he also realized that I was far from being convinced and he had 12 more waiting in his living room to consult him. He picked a few dates in July and I walked out of the room with not sin, but a new secret and stone to deal with. For now life is all about the S-word.

May be I will come back to him if at I get a chance to mother stones in my kidney or gall bladder. But for now it is Jul 5! Until then let the stones remain stones and be unturned.

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