Celebrate or Celeberate?

Especially if you are single, your birthdays give you an occasion to look back at life and friends you made (intentionally and or unintentionally) and use the opportunity to bring them all under one roof and ensure they will be around for the remaining journey. To singles who’ve lived in the company of loneliness these occasions can also work to dispel their insecurities, validate their choice of singlehood wasn’t a bad one and also provide a quick check on the lifelines that you can count on for the journey ahead! Doesn’t it sound a perfect life-check at 40?

The very moment I received the email invite from a friend, I called him to find out the reason for the gathering and who would be there to decide if I should attend or not. After much deliberation I decided to attend the party and after a long thought haul I decided against a gift certificate because I thought I knew my friend well enough and that I should be able to get something that would keep us more easily accessible and connected. To make our friendships feel more connected and accessible, I picked up a smartphone for a gift to this gadgetphobe. Would the gadget bring us closer or keep us apart was yet to be seen.

As people started to trickle in, the islands of tables surrounded by the chairs in the lush green lawn under the star light sky quickly metamorphosed into a continent of people who were soon to engage in unrelenting gobble and gabble.

The invitees spanned across his school days, colleges days, and first job and there was also someone who had met him for the first time two weeks back – so from roots to shoots the camaraderie looked perfect, complete and more in-line with “Facebook” timeline. And when you there at such a gathering everybody wants to exchange notes on one person – the host. How do you know him and where do you know him from seemed to be making more rounds than starters and alcohol. I anticipated this question and a week before the gathering I shared my answer with my friend and rehearsed my lines to make sure we had no conflict.

In the gathering, some of them were funny and nice, some reserved and reticent and as usual there was an obnoxious one. In the gathering there were a few people who went to the same school and 20 years later we had an opportunity to crib about our unhappy schooldays.

Very soon a tall women (definitely 50+) in a starched and neatly ironed cotton saree arrived. I knew I had seen her before, but could not recollect from when and where we had met. She settled in a chair and got busy with her how do you know question, and then moving on to discuss weather, politics and her shopping spree on Flipkart. I felt there were big time and elders who pedaled websites and technology like child’s play and I should use their support to help my friend overcome his gadget phobia.

Some in the crowd had known each other from before and this gave them an opportunity to discuss other people who were not at the venue. My friend was busy ensuring order were taken for drinks, table filled with food and people were comfortable finding their comfort spots and people in the crowd. Since most of them had come with their better half, they didn't have the need or necessity to find conversation buddy.

I sat with the 60+ year old couple, who reminded me of the couple from Balachander’s movie “Pudhu pudhu arthangal” and I seemed to have more in common with them than the rest. They were so warm, welcoming and un-intrusive.

Everything seemed so primp, proper and perfect, until I became the target for the women in the starched and ironed cotton saree across from me. She never introduced or smiled, but kept starring at me at me from the moment she occupied the chair. While people were busy eating fish fingers, paneer, methu vada, and cheese balls, she decided to catch me unaware and make me a part of the evening menu.

A stranger asking me my marital status in a public platform, almost turned the munching jaws silent, all eyes on me and ears awaiting my response went up like those of German Shepherds. May be it is easy to ask personal questions to a stranger, but I felt like I was in a family courtroom and she was getting ready to validate her curiosity and make me testify in front of the April gathering.

And before I could respond, she justified or made an excuse that she was being a typical Indian women. I looked at her and said, “Should I answer personal question from a perfect stranger?” and I corrected her by saying that she was more like a Marriage Obsessed Mylapore Mami (MOMM) who thought RTQ (right to question) is an act passed by Indian Parliament and it was their birth right.”

At 50+ women lose elasticity around of lot of their muscles and today I added her mouth to that list. I could never understand the intention behind her question and very soon at the dinner buffet I had another nosy mami who wanted to know why I choose to stay single. I always avoid gathering around married people and that evening I realized I had made a mistake to be a part of a married crowd who always want to pry. I could never understand what my friend meant when he said he hated fruit salad with ice-cream and today I did after being a part of this crowd.

One of the invitees liked my idea to get each of the guests infront of the camera share how they knew the host and share one incident that made their friendship special or reveal a secret about their friend. And I decided to salvage the remaining evening with this idea.

I sold the idea to a reluctant few and got them out of their chairs, and put them under the flood flights and infront of the camera. I know I should have taken permission from the host to do this, but I felt I was capturing memories and I enjoyed the liberty of friendship to record and surprise him. When he heard someone share what they said infront of the camera, he didn’t enjoy a wee bit. I came all the way to make him happy and make him feel special, but now I felt I had disappointed him. Neither the gift I got him nor did my idea of filming nostalgia excite him. I felt I was walking on eggshells and with no more tricks in my bag I decided to call one of my lifelines and execute the Cinderella act.

Lying in my bed that night, I was swarmed by mosquitoes aka questions and thoughts that I could never kill with the electric bat. From the moment I handed the gift over to my friend, he kept saying I should take it back and not let it pair-up with his unused iPod at home. As friends dont we all derive our happiness from making and seeing our friends happy? My smart ideas failed and I felt more disconnected with my friend than ever before. As my other friend says, "I am the cause of my happiness and sadness."

So, who are friends? Are these the ones who you don't know much about? And are these the ones who should feel satisfied with after a mere 15 minutes conversation every other week and meet up every two months in a coffee shop for an hour. Friendship that night sounded like a service contract that you make with the mechanic to service and repair your home electronics.

I realized that evening celebration turned into a cele(beration) for me! And for a man who hated reunions, marriages, a singles birthday party became a perfect landmine. At my 40, I would prefer a health-checkup to a friendship-checkup!